tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post7248990758923080005..comments2023-09-27T07:22:09.728-04:00Comments on Melissa's Meanderings: Coping With Obnoxious Male Acquaintances.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04600684740584460891noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-47338454721510667032010-02-25T02:27:44.886-05:002010-02-25T02:27:44.886-05:00OMG, you have described my late brother-in-law. E...OMG, you have described my late brother-in-law. Expert at anything brought up, socially inept, manic. I actually liked him, as I understood his insecurities, but I couldn't stand to be around him after a half hour of it.<br /><br />We wound up spending much less time around my sister-in-law as a result. The problem worked itself out when he killed himself. I cried at his funeral, but now we get to spend more time with my wife's family, whom I like very much.<br /><br />Not really a workable solution for you, but it's the story I had available. My sympathies.Leslie Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15373261212549008939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-22544497437935722152010-02-24T23:29:12.428-05:002010-02-24T23:29:12.428-05:00I wish I had the perfect advice to fix the situati...I wish I had the perfect advice to fix the situation but I don't. If it becomes unbearable for your mother, sister and yourself, change the night you have dinner together and don't invite him that night. As someone said earlier, your mother is not going to be around forever, you might want to enjoy your time with her.Kay & Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04244257765709660605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-50149248209074129562010-02-24T11:16:47.255-05:002010-02-24T11:16:47.255-05:00Keri got here before me!
All my male friends are ...Keri got here before me!<br /><br />All my male friends are from the opposite end of the spectrum, how you have put up with this for so long I can't imagine. I would have driven me to some action straight away just to be out of his presence.<br /><br />I take it your mum is not in love with this creature. Declare that she can no longer do the meal thing.<br /><br />Hide all the treats in her bedroom!<br /><br />As Keri says arrange random visits with your sister and get some quality time together. Your mum will not be around for ever, make the best of what you have left and without him around you will probably be able to be more yourself.<br /><br />If it ever gets through to him that he is being sidelined tell him straight what a (************ **********!) he is. I can't say it but I am sure you can.<br /><br />There are standards of expected behaviour, if he is unwilling or unable to comply then do not feel guilty of excluding him.<br /><br />Be brave be strong, we want a report.<br /><br />Caroline XXXCarolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02133031265351841626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-66238048761812426952010-02-24T09:51:46.145-05:002010-02-24T09:51:46.145-05:00Regretably your bro-in-law's bad behavior remi...Regretably your bro-in-law's bad behavior reminds me of my father. It was insufferable. <br /><br />As a young adult I would argue against his irrational, over-the-top antics. Of course, that would fuel Dad's fire, raise my ire and ruin family time together.<br /><br />As a middle age adult I learned the only way to "win" was to walk away. I left Thanksgiving one year, BEFORE dinner. <br /><br />Perhaps tell Mom politely you're not coming home on Monday. Pick another evening to visit. Better yet a random day. Maybe your sister will follow suit.<br /><br />Perhaps that silent protest will open Mr. Macho's eyes. A long shot. No matter. The purpose is to extricate yourself from the toxic situation. Right now, you and your family are soaking in it. Life's to short to tolerate such abusive antics. <br /><br />Continuing to accept the insufferable status quo will only reinforce bro-in-law's boorish, ill-manners. <br /><br />If staying away from "Meal Monday with Mom" isn't possible, then I suggest you ask to meet with him for coffee to talk. (I know, he won't listen). Or, send him a letter/email stating your objections and those of your sister and mother.<br /><br />If it was me I'd change the Monday to any other day of the week.<br /><br />Sad to say, but a zebra can't change its stripes. Good luck.Keri Renaulthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02266950034193837561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-72519983364396444212010-02-24T05:39:26.144-05:002010-02-24T05:39:26.144-05:00More or less you have just described my brother......More or less you have just described my brother... He even tries to lecture me on computers (my job / I have the degree - he struggles to keep it running for more than a couple of weeks) and tax matters in the NL (I wouldn't take his advice on tax in the UK - but he knows nothing about it over here).<br /><br />If you try and argue he just get's a strop - so I generally do the whole smile and nod thing for a quiet life...<br /><br />I don't have to see him as often as you though. Once a year is the most I normally manage...<br /><br />That's also part of the reason he is still the only close family member that does not know...<br /><br />Stace<br /><br />PS I would like to add though that I do love him, and stipudly enough I miss him nearly as much as my parents when he's not around.Stacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07907346657510908857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-57981316672470767772010-02-24T04:19:30.492-05:002010-02-24T04:19:30.492-05:00You've just described perfectly someone who us...You've just described perfectly someone who used to be married to a friend of mine.<br /><br />His other problem was that he's of diminutive stature so he saw anyone like me at the other end of the scale as a challenge to his alpha male status simply by being there. <br /><br />I got the impression that he viewed us his "friends" as a safe space in which he could be an idiot and get away with it. I only once snapped and told him in suitably expletive terms to shut up.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08027942517258679266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-44541081160815205422010-02-24T00:56:57.430-05:002010-02-24T00:56:57.430-05:00Naukishtae has some sound advice. There really is...Naukishtae has some sound advice. There really isn't much you can do, that's why you have us! Vent or rant anytime you want :)<br /><br />By the way, your brother in law sounds like my dad, in the know-it-all respect. He loves to spout things he's heard from the History Channel and it always amazes me how he gets it so wrong :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7791633210661845991.post-16540709871541479042010-02-24T00:38:51.951-05:002010-02-24T00:38:51.951-05:00I have always thought most men are pigs.. you show...I have always thought most men are pigs.. you show more restraint than I could.. the problem isn't that he feels he is the greatest, it's that inside he knows that he isn't!.. so he puts on this machistae act for the women in his life that are a captive audiance, and it is probably made even more so, because you in "boy mode" make his self worth feel threatened.. hence his Man goes first act, and the need to thrust out his chest, and show all of you what a <b>mAN</b> he is.. the one thing that made him feel "manly" your blessed sister, is gone.. and he is trying to get back with the only people who will put up with him.. it is like a Napolian complex on steriods.. hang in there Melissa, we can only chose our friends, our family comes "As Is"...<br /><br />Naukishtae XX "We all love you Here"Naukishtaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12297131304139916045noreply@blogger.com