Melissa's Meanderings

I'm Back In The Hospital

2011-07-12T19:26:00.006-04:00

I'm feeling pretty groggy right now. I'm taking two long acting Morphine tablets twice a day, and getting IV Dilaudid every three hours, so please bear with my incoherence.

My back had been bothering me for about the last month, and was getting worse. The pain in my left lung and spleen had disappeared altogether, but the pain in my liver never went away. In fact it got gradually worse, and by Sunday afternoon, it had become tortuous, reaching a crescendo of debilitating misery by Sunday evening. Anything but the shallowest breath would bring on a hellish stabbing pain and a cry of agony. There was nothing left to be done but get me to the Emergency Room as quickly as possible, and since I wasn't about to ride with my mother, especially at night, calls were put out to find alternative transportation, but no one was home! The only thing left to do was call 911. Within five minutes an ambulance pulled up to the building, and within less than 10 minutes total, five emergency responders were standing out in the hallway, ringing my mother's bell. That would be the bell on her door, not the bell in her head.

They came in and took vital signs, and questioned me about the history of my condition, and then with me moaning in agony, they helped me onto their gurney, and we began he trip down the hallway, and down the elevator from the 10th floor to the lobby, and then out to their ambulance. Mom rode up front in the ambulance as a passenger, with the driver and other male responders, while I was tended to in the back by the two female responders.

Because it was a Sunday night, the emergency room was not crowded, and it wasn't long before I was attended to. I was first X-rayed, then given a CT scan, where it was determined that my cancer had moved into the bone, and caused a compression fracture in my spine. It had also advance in my belly. The experimental therapy that I was on worked well to decrease the tumors with a particular genetic mutation in my lung and spleen, but there must have been other mutations as well, and they grew and spread unaffected by the miracle pills

I was taking. The ER doctor was very kind to me and giving me his blessings and well wishes, ordered the ER nurse to inject 2 mg of Dilaudid into my IV, which caused an instantaneous rush of blessed relief! It was like being caressed by a thousand angels! I now know why people become junkies.

I thought this was the end of the line for me, so I requested some information on hospice care, but I saw my oncologist yesterday, and he said that I shouldn't give up. He said he wants to treat the cancer in my spine with radiation, and then put me on an intravenous therapy that he said was pretty effective. He acknowledged that Melanoma was incurable, but he said he has seen this therapy add several years on to the lives of patients. He said that considering my age, he thought I should go for it. I agreed, so if everything gets approved by my insurance, we are going to continue managing my pain with drugs, and start radiation and chemotherapy. One of the side effects of most intravenous chemotherapies, is the loss of body and head hair. I'm already bald on top, so no big deal there. Hopefully I will soon be able to say good-bye to my recently reacquired hirsuteness as well.

Love to all!

Melissa XX

A Taste Of Freedom (and some other good stuff)

2011-07-03T11:57:00.003-04:00

I managed to escape the confines of my 10th floor prison yesterday, when my jailer (mom) suggested we go to Ruby Tuesdays for our evening meal. While only a brief furlough, it was good to get out amongst other human beings with my mom and sister, and enjoy a meal cooked and served by others. It gave mom a break from her routine too. She spends far too much time cooking and cleaning up. I try to help as much as possible, but we often just get in each other's way.

We all like Ruby Tuesdays. They have good food, and their prices are reasonable. Like the geriatrics that we have all become, we usually go out to eat between 5:00 and 5:30 PM, so we get there before the crowd arrives. This ensures a good seat, and a short wait for our food. Before we left mom's, it was suggested that we take sweaters, since sometimes the airconditioning in restaurants makes them too cold for short sleeves. When I heard that, I thought, well if I'm going to take a sweater, then I might as well change from shorts to long pants. No point in wearing a sweater, if I'm going to have my legs exposed. As it turned out, we were seated next to a sweltering west facing window. Fortunately the hostess had the good sense to closed the wooden venetian blinds, otherwise we would have felt like we were having supper in a hot house. Needless to say the sweater wasn't necessary, nor were the long pants. Next time I go, I will probably forgo the extra clothing, and then be seated directly below an airconditioning duct!

Did I say the food at Ruby Tuesdays is good? I had a half a rack of barbecued babyback ribs, a serving of grilled asparagus, and large portion of some of the best French fries I have ever eaten. They were nice and crispy, with the skins still on, and not overly salted. The grilled asparagus was delicious, and the pork was succulent and falling off the bone. The ribs were slathered in a thick coating of sweet smokey barbecue sauce, that required the use of two napkins and a lot of finger licking.

Because she is very finicky about what she likes and doesn't like, Mom chose the Asian babyback ribs instead. She despises anything with a smokey flavor. She also got French fries and a serving of their yummy mashed cauliflower. She took a couple of bites from the ribs, and refused to eat anymore of them. She said they tasted like smoke. I guess she was expecting the kind of sweet unsmoked ribs that Chinese restaurants serve when you get a Pu Pu Platter, but this wasn't a Chinese restaurant, and these ribs were cooked in the smoker along with the others. They had Asian spices applied, instead of barbecue sauce. No loss though. They were taken home in a doggy bag, and I will be eating them for lunch today. She did enjoy her fries and mashed cauliflower.

My sister had a turkey burger, French fries and broccoli. I never had a turkey burger before, so she gave me a little taste. It was nothing like a hamburger, but it was good nevertheless, and she liked it too. So other than mom, who is a notoriously finicky eater, we thoroughly enjoyed our meals and were too full for desert. I really enjoyed getting out, and would like to do it more often. Hopefully next time my niece can come too.

Oh, by the way.............we took my mothers car, but my sister drove (Thanks be to the gods!). Mom's car is ruby red and so are the bumpers. We noticed white streaks on both the left and right corners of her front bumper. I'm thinking we need to install rods on all four corners of her car, with red flags at the top, so she knows where her bumpers are!

Melissa XX

Two Nations Separated By A Common Language

2011-06-28T11:28:00.005-04:00

My sister and niece came for supper yesterday evening. We can always count on my niece to lift our spirits by saying something funny, and as usual she did not fail us. She recalled a story over three decades old, about a visit my sister's best friend made to England.

It was back in the seventies, and at the time there was a very popular unisex hair style, worn by many of the popular rock stars of the day. It was a layered cut that was known here in the US, as a shag. Now as I'm sure most of you know, in England the word shag has a totally different meaning.

While there, my sister's friend decided she needed a haircut, so she went to a local salon. While seated in the stylist's chair, the stylist asked her what she wanted. Without thinking she replied, "I'd like a long shag, with bangs." You can imagine the laughter that ensued!

Melissa XX

Overconfidence

2011-06-26T18:34:00.002-04:00

My road to fitness seems to be a hilly one. I spent three successful days on the recumbent cycle in the exercise room on the first floor. I was able to increase my time by five minutes each day, so I thought if I can do that, then surely I can walk across the parking lot to Krogers next door, and do some grocery shopping. My mother has been doing all the grocery shopping since I arrived here, and I felt a little guilty about it, so I asked her to make a list of what she wanted, and I would add that to my list and go over and get it.

They allow you to bring your shopping cart back to the apartment building, so you can take it up on the elevator to your floor. You then leave the cart in the laundry room, and one of the building's porters takes them back down the utility elevator and back to the store. So Thursday afternoon, I set out to get some groceries. My back was hurting, but I thought I could handle it. When I got outside, the temperature was in the low 90's and the sun was blazing, so I went to my truck first to retrieve my sunglasses, then I made my way across the burning hot asphalt to Krogers. By the time I got there, my legs felt like concrete, and I wondered if I could go on. It was an effort just to step up onto the curb at the store's entrance.

Once inside, I got a small cart and thought I would just lean on it a bit for support, while I attended to my shopping list. I manage to get just two boxes of pasta, a bottle of olive oil, and a can of salmon, before I realized that I just couldn't do it. I had to get my sleeping pill prescription refilled while I was there, so I hobbled over to the pharmacy section. The pharmacist said it would take about twenty minutes. Thank goodness they had a small lobby with some chairs, so I sat down and thumbed through a trashy tabloid, filled with stories of the infidelities of various stars, and their fashion faux pas. Not my usual reading material, I assure you, but it was all they had. As I sat there, I fet hot and faint. I noticed a cooler nearby filled with bottled water, so I got up and grabbed a 20 oz bottle of water and returned to my chair.

The way I was feeling, I knew I wouldn't be able to finish my shopping, let alone walk back across the hot parking lot pushing a cart, so I got on my cell phone and called my mother to come and rescue me in her air conditioned Mercury Grand Marque. I know...........I don't like to ride with her, but it was just a two minute drive back her building, so I figured what could possibly go wrong? I paid for my prescription, and the few other items I had, and waited in another chair at the door for her to pull her car up.

When she pulled up to the entrance of the store, I went out and got into her car. We hadn't even gotten out of the parking lot yet, when she nearly t-boned a car coming up the entrance road! She was trying to make a left turn, and didn't even bother to look right before pulling out into traffic. I saw the car coming, and yelled LOOK OUT! She slammed on the brakes, just narrowly missing the oncoming car! I gripped the leather seat as firmly as I could with my buttocks, and held my tongue as she cut corners, gunned the engine to take off, and slammed on brakes to slow down at every stop, until we finally made it back to her building. She let me off at the entrance where I breathed a sigh of relief, then she put the car in one of the empty diagonal parking spaces. While doing so, she stepped on the accelerator pedal too hard, and slammed into the car parked in front of her, putting a pie pan size dent in it's fender! I swear, the woman is going to either kill herself, or someone else before long. I would like to find a way to convince her to stop driving before she becomes a statistic, but she really thinks she is a good driver, and you can't argue with her, because she is as stubborn as a mule. Even when proven wrong, she remains convinced of her certitude.

Other than that bit of excitement, life has been pretty dull here in the condo. TV is such a wasteland of obnoxious commercials that I have decided to dip into my mother's stash of books. I was never a prolific book reader. When I was working, by the time I got home I was always too tired to read. A few pages and I would nod out. But now, with so much time on my hands and nothing to do, it's a different story. I'm currently reading The WInd In The Willows. I'm sure that some teacher read it to us long ago in early grade school, but if they did, it's a long forgotten memory. It's such a lovely story told from the animal's perspective, and I soon found myself longing to live in a tidy, cozy burrow, sharing good cheer by a crackling fire, with mice, moles, rats and badgers!

Melissa XX

I Have To Admit It's Getting Better

2011-06-21T13:37:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling good today. I went for a checkup yesterday. They drew blood, weighed me, checked my BP and temperature, gave me an EKG and then the Doctor looked me over. Everything checked out good. The Nurse Practitioner that is involved with their drug research program said she was amazed at how good I looked. The last time she saw me, I was in a wheel chair and white as a ghost. Since then, I had lost 30 lbs of fluid that I was retaining (yes, 30 lbs!), the color had returned to my face and I walked in on my own with no walker. I asked the Doctor if it was OK to get some exercise and he gave me the green light, so I'm going to start out on some of the exercise equipment down on the first floor. Once I get some stamina built up, he said it would be OK to go for walks outside early or late in the day, as long as I put on sun screen and wear a hat.

I also found out just how lucky I am to live here, when the Nurse Practitioner told me that the Virginia Cancer Institute is the only place on the east coast participating in the study of the experimental drug I am on. She said they have one patient who comes down from New York for treatment, and they had an inquiry from a patient as far west as Colorado. It's really a shame that Roche hasn't made this drug available to more cancer treatment centers around the country. The NP said that once the FDA (Food & Drug Administration) approves it, the pills will cost $3500.00 a week! Fortunately for me right now they are free, because until they get FDA approval, I'm still technically part of their research program.

Speaking of getting better, does anyone remember this one by the Fab Four?

Melissa XX

Too Much Time On My Hands

2011-06-17T11:46:00.004-04:00

What day is it? Is it Thursday? Is it Friday? Is it Saturday? Who knows? One day is a just like the next. I get up, I take my meds, I eat breakfast, spend some time on the laptop, watch some boring TV, eat lunch, watch some more boring TV, get back on the lap top, eat supper, watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, then a couple of old movies, take my meds again, then go to bed. I'm going stir-crazy!

Melissa XX

Contemplating Hirsuteness

2011-06-14T12:23:00.004-04:00

I've always thought it should be called hairsuitness. The word comes from the Latin hirsutus, but having absolutely no understanding of Latin, I can't say for sure that that isn't the original meaning. After all, isn't it a natural suit of hair worn by it's victims? I say victims, because from my point of view, hairiness is a curse, but I'm sure there are many, mostly males I would think, who take pride in their woolliness.

Since I became ill, I've been living with my mother in Richmond, because it's closer to my doctors and because I really couldn't expect people to make an 80 mile round trip just to give me a ride to my appointments. Mom knows I'm trans, but at 90 years old, she just doesn't understand the depth of the condition, and thinks it's just some kind of occasional quirk that needs to be satisfied. She has never accepted that I have a female brain, and will always think of me as her son. Consequently, she has never met, let alone known the real me, and likely never will. She doesn't even know of the existence of this blog. So for the last month and a half I have been living completely in male mode. It doesn't bother me all that much, because my mind is concentrated on doing all that I can to survive the cancer that has invaded my body. I'm sure the anti-depressant medication I'm taking helps too.

The one thing that does bother me though, is the return of my body hair. It's been nearly two months since I last epliated, and and I'm becoming increasingly wooly. I thought of having my sister drive me out to my house to retrieve my epilator, but I know it would create a stir with my mother. For one thing, her bathroom is tiny, and when I say tiny, I mean I bumped my head on the door knob, while bending over to pull my pants back up after getting off the toilet! It also does not have an electrical outlet. Epilators are messy too, in that they propel yanked out hairs in every direction. Even if I did have a place to plug it in, I would have to take up the rugs, and thoroughly sweep or vacuum the floor each time I epilated, and I'm just not up for that kind of effort right now. Then too, I have my cancer medication to think about. Side effects of the medication, which ironically do not include loss of body hair, do include dry flakey skin, rashes, and even the possible occurrence of other forms of skin cancer. I'm not sure that epilation would be a very wise thing to do while undergoing treatment, given the possibility of ingrown hairs becoming infected.

So, as High Priestess of the Order of the Immaculate Epilation, you can imagine my shame. I have confessed to dear Sister Caroline, that I have become a disgrace to our order, and am now contemplating self flagellation as a penance for my sin. She is praying for my lost soul. I beg you to do the same.

Your hirsute sister,

Melissa XX

Terminal Boredom

2011-06-03T12:39:00.003-04:00

Now that the excitement of x-rays, CAT scans, surgery and hospital stays are over, terminal boredom has set in. I am now at my mother's recovering and taking my meds, and each day seems like a carbon copy of the day before. If it weren't for occasional doctor's appointments, my sister's visits, and the one day a week that mom has a lady come in to help clean the apartment, I wouldn't know one day from the next. Even weekends seem the same, except for the fact that the TV schedule is slightly different.

And speaking of TV, how can there be so many channels and so little programing that's worth watching? Turner Classic Movies has been the one bright spot in my otherwise dull days. I love good old classic movies, and they show lots of them. I often wonder how anyone can even think of remaking some of them, or even making a modern day sequel. They usually pale in comparison to the original. A good example is National Velvet, with a pre-teen Elizabeth Taylor and a young Mickey Rooney. What a wonderful movie that was! Then in the late 70's, someone decided to make a modern day sequel, with Tatum O'Neil. TCM showed it right after the original. What a waste of film! It had none of the charm of the original. No wonder Elizabeth Taylor turned down the role as Tatum's mother.

After several horrendously scary trips to the doctor as a passenger in my 90 year old mother's car, I have arranged for for transportation with some more youthful drivers. My sister, brother-in-law and my sister's choir director have all volunteered their services, to which I am eternally grateful! I honestly don't know how mom has avoided an accident. She has no mechanical sense at all, and didn't even know how to operate the master door lock control on her armrest. To let me in, she was tuning off the ignition, pulling out the key and pressing the unlock button on the key! I had to show her the little toggle with the L/U symbol on it and show her how switching it to U unlocked all of the doors. By the way, she has had this car since 1996! Bless her heart though, she is doing all she can for me, and I truly do appreciate it. I just won't ever ride with her at the wheel again. She only has two modes of driving, mash on the gas, and when she's about to run into the back of someone, slam on the brakes! By the way, did I tell you she thinks she's an excellent driver?

Melissa XX

Just A Brief Update

2011-05-30T09:05:00.002-04:00

First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who who left a comment on my last blog! It truly warmed my heart and lifted my spirits to see your kind words of support.

When I wrote that blog I was feeling about as bad as I have ever felt. I was extremely fatigued and in a lot of pain. I spent the better part of each day lying on the couch, under the influence of opiate pain killers. I have now been on a new experimental anti-melanoma drug, made my Roche for four days now, and the difference in the way I feel is quite remarkable. I feel much better. I'm still not 100%, as I still get fatigued if I'm on my feet too long, and I still have quite a bit of edema in my legs and abdomen, but that is improving too. The drug has many possible side effects, but so far I have tolerated it very well. I have to go back to the Virginia Cancer Institute about every ten days for blood work and a brief exam. Oddly one of the possible side effects of the drug is squeamish cell carcinoma, another dangerous form of skin cancer, so a full body skin exam has to be performed about once a month to check for that. If any is found, then it can be nipped in the bud.

So overall I am doing well, and I attribute at least a part of that to all of the love that you have sent my way!

As always, I love you all!

Melissa XOXO

FOR THOSE WONDERING WHERE I'VE BEEN

2011-05-24T11:28:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry for going so long without posting an update on my blog. As most of you know, that's unusual for me. Some of you may recall me saying I had a nagging dry cough, and I thought it might be a case of late season flu. Turns out it was much more serious than that. The cough got worse, and I became increasingly more infirm. Finally on Monday, May 2nd I gathered all my strength and drove into town for my weekly supper at my mothers. When I got there I told my mother and sister that I was seriously ill, and needed someone to drive me to the doctor. After supper my sister drove me to Patient First, where I was examined and had blood work and x-rays taken. I had a mole on my back that out of stupidity and a good degree of fear and depression, I had neglected. It had started bleeding and became infected. The doctor at Patient First recommended that I make a bee line to the emergency room of a nearby hospital, so my sister drove me there, where further blood work and x-rays were taken. I was admitted to the hospital that night, and put on IV antibiotics. Two days later I was given a CAT scan, that revealed spots on my lungs, liver and spleen. The preliminary diagnosis was metastatic melanoma. The next day I had surgery to remove the mass on my back, leaving a 7-8 inch wound closed by 25 staples. I also had several lymph nodes removed from under my armpit. That wound was sealed with surgical glue. The wounds are healing nicely, and the staple have now been removed.

The pathology report confirmed the preliminary diagnosis. The oncologist said there is no cure, but there is an experimental drug that has shown significant success in shrinking certain melanoma tumors, and extending the life of the patient. They had to send my pathology from the hospital, to a lab in California to ensure that I had the proper mutation for the drug. Today I learned that my pathology does indeed conform to the drugs requirements, so tomorrow I'll be going the the Virginia Cancer Institute, where they will do a full body skin exam, and EKG, and some more lab work. If all is well, I will begin treatment the following day.

Being so acutely aware of your mortality, makes you take stock of yourself, and I have not been happy about the way my blog and many of my comments have turned. It went from bright and friendly to downright combative. Perhaps because I love you all so much, and felt the need to protect you and myself from so many of the negative posts and comments that have shown up this past year. Well, I'm done with that. I will now leave the fighting to others. In reality there is no need for any defense. We all know who and what we are, and the subjective judgements of others truly are irrelevant.

I will try to keep you updated and occasionally leave a comment on some of your blogs, but because I have so little endurance right now, they may be few and far between. Much love to you all!

Melissa XOXO

Lets Get Those Blinders Off

2011-04-26T13:31:00.004-04:00

For those who are still stubbornly maintaining that the assault on a young woman in a Baltimore area McDonalds had nothing to do with her status as a transgender woman, irrespective of her surgical status, and was solely a racial matter, let's shine a bright spotlight on a few facts.

The following are excerpts from an Associated Press article, dated April 26, 2011:

The woman beaten, 22-year-old Chrissy Lee Polis, told The Baltimore Sun that before she was attacked she heard a teen say Polis was a man using the women's restroom and accused Polis of talking to her man. The 14-year-old told police that she and Brown fought with Polis over using the restroom, according to charging documents.

Vicky Thoms said she walked into the restaurant to find the two teens beating Polis..........When she stepped up and asked the girls to stop, Thoms ended up getting punched in the face herself, she said.

Afterward, a man behind the counter asked Thoms if she realized that the person being beaten was a not a woman and was transgendered. "I told him, 'No I didn't and I don't care,'" she said. "He said he worked with her and she had a smart mouth — in other words, she deserved it."

You can see the entire article here.

The bold highlighting for emphasis is mine.

While racial hatred may have exacerbated the problem, clearly the prime motivation for the confrontation was Ms. Polis's transgender status and the fact that she used the women's restroom, as admitted by one of her attackers.

Alison Steele, The Nightbird

2011-04-16T05:02:00.004-04:00

“The flutter of wings, the shadow across the moon, the sounds of the night, as the Nightbird spreads her wings and soars, above the earth, into another level of comprehension, where we exist only to feel. Come, fly with me, Alison Steele, the Nightbird, at WNEW-FM, until dawn."

Those were the words that opened up the best late night radio show I've ever heard. When I was living in in New Jersey in 1968 and early 1969, Alison Steele's sexy voice, and her playlist of late 60's progressive rock, was the lullaby that put me to sleep each night. WNEW was one of the country's first FM progressive rock stations, and one of New York City's strongest. I had no trouble at all picking it it up in Eatontown, in Monmouth County, New Jersey each night. Her colleague, the über cool Rosko started the night off with progressive jazz, blues, and rock, then at midnight, Steele would come on, reciting her poetry, and mesmerizing us all with mind expanding progressive rock, and trippy psychedelic trance music. Of all the rock radio stations I have heard, WNEW was the best, and Alison Steele was far and away the best DJ. Sadly she only lived to be 58 years old, dying in 1995 of stomach cancer, but she lives on in my memory, and I'm sure in the memory of countless others. You can read her Wiki bio here.

Melissa XX

The Piedmont Awakens From Its Winter Slumber

2011-04-13T23:58:00.010-04:00

Spring is now in full bloom, and along with it comes runny noses and respiratory discomfort. Runny noses are always expected this time of year, but this year respiratory distress seems to have been added to the ticket. For the past week or so, I have been plagued with a tightness in the bronchia, accompanied by an intermittent dry wheezing cough. I thought I may have contracted a late season case of the flu, but now I'm not so sure, since the discomfort in my chest seems to correlate with the intensity of the flushing of my sinuses. Please wish me well, and be sure to beseech the gods to encourage all of the flora to get their free love fest over with as soon as possible, so that all of us fauna can resume our normal dry nosed, and clear lunged lives.

Here are a few pics of the awakening flora around the house. It was overcast when I took them, and it had been many months since I used my camera, so please take them for what they are worth. If you click on the images, they will enlarge to a much bigger size.

A view of the tree tops above my roof.

A view from my rear deck through the woods overlooking the pond.

My lone scraggly redbud.

Tonight's Supper

I don't often eat large quantities of beef, but I do like it. I went to the grocers today, mainly because I had run out of anything to eat other than peanut butter and sardines, and while there stocking up on essentials, I decided I wanted to eat steak tonight, but I wanted it to be lean. So I ended up with two petite round steaks, that looked quite good in their polyethylene wrapped packages. Into the cart they went. This evening, I put one of the steaks in a broiler pan, and put it under the burner. Ten minutes later, with beefy smelling smoke pouring out of the oven, I removed my medium rare steak, and plated it with a serving of steamed broccoli, and half of a backed potato. The broccoli and the baked potato were delicious, and the steak wasn't bad tasting, it just had a vein of sinew in just about every bite, making it very tough to cut and chew. A slow cooking crock pot full of carrots and potatoes should been that piece of meat's fate.

A word about human decency.

There will always be disagreements between human beings. That is a given. It's been that way since the dawn of humanity, and will remain that way until humanity breaths its very last breath. The trouble comes when one group sets itself up as morally and intellectually superior to all others, and then in the fashion of zealots, casts itself as the sole arbiter of truth, rendering unsolicited judgements against all others, and declaring non-believers to be the equivalent of the devil's spawn, or worse. When people start to thinking that way, trouble is always sure to follow. No one likes to be denigrated and dismissed as a heretic, or worse yet, a pervert, but in so many words that is exactly the way a certain self-satisfied element has been treating a good portion of the trans community here in Blogistan for the better part of the last year. While we all have certain similarities, our lives are all completely unique. No one can pigeon hole us, simply because our lives didn't exactly follower their own personal narrative. We, and we alone define who and what we are.

This past week, I was the target of one of these, self-appointed high priestesses of the Transexual Sanhedrin. Her judgement? Since for personal reasons, which of course are none of her business, I am non-op, and not transitioning, and didn't demand my parents get me a sex change when I was a teenager, or commit suicide by the time I was 25, then I must be a fraud. This coupled with the fact that I had the audacity to challenge her self-appointed authority on all matters transgender, then I am obviously in her words, a.................well, I won't repeat those despicable words here. There really isn't any point in repeating what you can read post after post on her own blog, if you are so inclined.

Thanks so much to those dear sweet souls who posted in my defense. To all the troubled souls who are so full of sulfur, and so quick to pass judgement on others, of course you are free to wallow in your feelings of hatred if that's your thing, but take care dears, for there lies the way to desolation row.

Speaking of desolation row, here is some very good Bob Dylan. Does anyone write lyrics and play their instruments this good anymore?

Desolation row

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

Melissa XX

What Did You Have For Supper Tonight?

2011-04-08T22:47:00.004-04:00

Supper

Me? I was in the mood for eggs tonight, so I whipped up a two egg omelet, with diced onions, red, yellow, and green bell peppers, and sharp cheddar cheese. I spiced it up, by dousing it liberally with Texas Pete Hot Sauce. Great stuff, that Texas Pete! It will wake up just about any sleepy meal.

Accompanying my omelet, was a serving of Brussel sprouts in butter, garlic, onion and basil, with a bit of salt and pepper...... and to round out my meal, I had a large serving of the venerable Great Northern bean.........as opposed to those no count, Lesser Southern beans. ;o) (Now before my southern readers show up at my door with axes, pitch forks, and flaming torches, that was just a joke!). Anyway, it was quite tasty, and a welcome break from my standard piece of chicken or fish.

Inevitable Spring

Peering through the woods the last few days, I've begun to see little bits of green emerging from the gray and the brown, and even a few tiny white blossoms. My Beech trees and Dogwoods are sprouting leaves, but once again the Dogwoods don't seem to be flowering. This same phenomenon occurred last year. No pretty white flowers, and consequently, no pretty red berries later on. I can't figure it out. I did read something in Wikipedia today, that said some species of Dogwoods in England don't flower well, because of the lack of harsh cold winters and hot summers, but that certainly isn't a problem here. The last two winters were unseasonably cold, and we rarely ever have a summer where late June, July and August don't see average daily temperatures soar up into at least the upper 80' s or lower 90's. So what's up, Dogwoods?

Nonsense

Against my better judgement, I paid a visit to the "Everyone Who Doesn't Fit My Definition Of A Transsexual, Is An Imposter" blog the other day, and attempted to leave a few words of wisdom, for it's author and her acolytes. I should have know that was a mistake, but I had forgotten to remember that sage advice, "Give not that which is holy unto dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and rend you." Matt. 7:6 Don't worry, I escaped with my garments slightly rent, but my flesh still firmly intact. When you know you are right, your skin thickens, and the pointy tusks and sharp hooves can't penetrate so easily.

The latest bit of farce being propagated on that blog, is the absurd myth of rest room hopping in the work place, by part timers. As the myth goes, if all transgender people are afforded protective rights in the workplace, then crossdressers, who are so inclined, will come to work as a female one day, and as a man the next, only to return as a woman whenever they feel like it. The female employees will then have to share the ladies room with these pretenders one day, only to have them hit on them as males in the office the next day.........ergo, only afford equal protection to those "true transsexuals", who pass the bigoted elite's muster. The argument is of course completely bogus, and born out of totally irrational fears. I can't imagine anyone seriously doing that, but if by chance someone did decide to swap genders from day to day, a unisex restroom for part timers would easily solve the problem. As for hitting on the female employees when dressed as males, most, if not all companies already have rules against such conduct, as part of their sexual harassment policies.

Epilators

Can anyone recommend a well built, heavy duty epilator? Perhaps one with brass gears? As High Priestess of the Order of the Immaculate Epilation, I am ashamed to say that my choices of epilators has been less than perfect! A couple of years ago, I switched from an Epilady, to an Emjoi, and at first I was very impressed with it's obvious better quality, but only a year later it began to falter. I purchased another, thinking that maybe this one was an aberration, but no. A year later, I'm finding my second Emjoi beginning to falter as well. I think it's the nylon gears. After about a year of once or twice weekly use, the gears beging to slip at the slightest resistance. I usually epilate after taking a bath, but even after I have toweled dry, it takes about an hour before the heat generated by the bath water cools down, and I completely stop perspiring. Just a bit of dampness on the skin seems to add resistance to the spinning tweezers, and that puts an extra strain on the motors and gears, and eventually is casuses the nylon gears to start slipping. Maybe they are all that way, and I will just have to resign myself to spending around $100 each year, for a new Emjoi. I hope not, so please feel free to give me your recommendations!

I hope you are all happy with the final departure from the Northern Hemisphere, of this year's miserable winter (The northeastern US and parts of Canada actually got snow this week!), and the subsequent arrival of spring! Here in the Piedmont, mother nature is rushing things. The local news/weather are predicting 90°F/32+°C for Monday. A bit early for those kind of temperatures, but mirroring last years immediate leap from winter into summer, with little regard regard for the normal period of spring acclimation.

A big spring hug to all!

Melissa XX

From Euphoria To Melancholy In Two Hours

2011-04-03T00:31:00.002-04:00

Tonight I share my grief with Leslie Ann. We had both hoped to see our teams compete for the National College Athletic Association basketball championship, but it was not to be. After proving all of their detractors dead wrong, VCU finally bowed out to the very tenacious Butler University Buldogs in the semi-finals, and the University of Kentucky got edged out by the University of Connecticut in a one point squeaker. What a crying shame! We would have made such lovely adversaries! Leslie sweetie, you have my shoulder to cry on! May I have yours?

Pink Floyd is once again my inspiration, but with tonights defeat, the feeling is somewhat different. A bit more somber, as if all of my euphoria over the last few weeks has drained out of me, and I'm once again the one bricked up behind the wall. Try as I may to break that wall down, sooner or later, it always seems to reappear. Now, once again, here I am completely isolated in my own little world. I will live with it. I always have. That is the one constant in my life. A life of compassion and empathy for others, but nevertheless physically isolated from everyone else, simply because close social interactions are just too painful to bare. After all, how does one comfortably relate socially to cis folk, when one feels like a butterfly trying desperately to burst the seams of her cocoon, but never quite able to get out?

Enough of this dark moody stuff! I can't overcome it, so I will have to do as I've always done, and just find a way to learn to live with it. And there you have it. No suicide attempts, half hearted or otherwise. Just a long dull semi-depressive life of coping with the inevitable, punctuated with brief moments of euphoria, coupled to the thrills and adventure of others. A sad life, isn't it?

And speaking of Pink Floyd, here is an interesting critique, albeit a bit dated, and the the video link has unfortunately been disabled by those owning the rights to the music.

Here's the original.

As always, I love you all!

Melissa XX

Happy Spring To All!

2011-04-02T00:04:00.005-04:00

No......the preceding blank post was no April 1st tomfoolery. It was simply the result of a stupid double click, after entering the title line in Blogger's post editor. When will I ever learn?

I haven't listened to Pink Floyd in a long time, so I thought I would pop Echos into the CD player while composing this post. I must say, I had forgotten just how much I've always connected with that wonderful group of talented musicians, and Echos is a great mix of some of some of their best work. What a shame that Roger Waters and David Gilmour reached such an impasse over their creative ideas, that they could no longer see a future together. Together they made some of the very best music I will ever hear in my life.

This Week In Blogistan

It was with a certain degree of amusement, that I read the many comments on a couple or three blogs this week, concerning the ongoing gender identity wars, over who is, and who isn't a "legitimate" transsexual. Although actually quite sad in many ways, it was amusing at least, because some of the very people who had earlier openly questioned, or at least alluded to the illegitimacy of others, were now having their own legitimacy called into question by several self proclaimed, Type VI/Type V "true transsexual" elitists. How in the world, they were challenged, could they possibly be genuine transsexuals, when they married, and/or fathered children, and/or waited until middle age, or later to declare that they could no longer live as men. Surely they must be self-deluded transvestites, since any "genuine transsexual" would be driven to suicide by the time they reached 30 years old, if they coud not transition.

Well! To put it politely........horse hockey!

I'm hoping this puts the kibosh on some of the silly, narcissistic, self-serving crap that gets bandied about so much here in Transsexual Transylvania. Leave that nonsense to the handfull of geriatric early transitioning "true transsexuals", who can't seem to deal with fact that there has been 40 years of new research on the transsexual phenomenon, and think that anyone who isn't aligned with their personal narrative, is either a delusional man in a dess, or even worse, a malicious fraud, out to steal their thunder!

Bottom line girls..........you know who, and what you are, and what you are doing. You don't need to pass anyone's muster!

Sports Alert! (for those disinclined)

I blogged earlier about Richmond's Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) basketball team making it into the "Sweet Sixteen" (out of a field of 72 teams from around the country) of the NCAA (National College Athletic Association) Basketball Tournament, the winner of which is declared the NCAA National Champion. Since then, they beat Perdue University to advance to the "Elite Eight", and then they beat Kansas to to make it into the "Final Four"! This is the farthest any Virginia school has ever advanced into the NCAA tournament! The NCAA "Final Four" is a really big deal here in the US, so naturally the whole state of Va. is ecstatic, especially those in Richmond and here in the central Virginia area. It's 1:27 AM as I type this. In less than eleven hours, the Rams will be taking to the court in an attempt to make history. I wish them the very best, and although I want to see them go all the way, win or lose, I'm so very proud of them! GO RAMS!

Whoever Said Girls Weren't Interested In Sports?

Spring Is Busting Out All Over!

Spring is slowly but surely bursting forth into the Piedmont! Bradford Pears, Forsythia, and Red Buds, are now in full bloom. The Dogwoods are trying desperately to open up, but there just hasn't been quite enough warmth for them yet. Still, absolutely nothing bearing rose colored glass! I think a certain someone must have the Piedmont mistaken for either Oz, or Wonderland. ;-) Maybe she spent too much time napping in the poppies, or perhaps she couldn't turn down one of those strange attractive mushrooms....or was she just a poor innocent victim of that awful fat caterpillar, and his narcotic hookah?

Happy Spring my lovelies!

Melissa XX

Does A Plate Of Nachos Constitute A Balanced Meal?

2011-03-27T02:08:00.004-04:00

You've got your whole grain corn chips, vegetables, including onions, peppers, tomatoes, and garlic, although some would argue those are not vegetables at all, but fruits instead, and then you have your protein based dairy products, like cheese, and sour cream. In my case however, I substitute low fat yogurt for sour cream.

It certainly is a satisfying meal, although some would claim that it is essentially junk food.

I had nachos for supper last night. Does that make me a bad girl?

Melissa XX

I'm So Excited! (Sports alert for those so disinclined!)

2011-03-26T02:50:00.004-04:00

I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it!

No.........I haven't met the love of my life, but I have met a bunch of guys that I absolutely adore! That would be Virginia Commonwealth University's basketball team! Sorry girls, but I do like sports even if you don't, and especially local teams that I can relate too. I used to watch VCU basketball games religiously way back in the seventies and early eighties, but then they went through a long period of decline, and I simply lost interest. I have to admit that I really didn't care all that much about the team until the very end of their season this year, when they had the chance to win their conference tournament. They did well, but wound up being runners up, and hence were all but excluded from entry into the National College Athletic Association's national tournament. But when tournament selections were made, the selection committee saw something special in VCU, and selected them as an at large team! That meant that they had to play one more game, than all the other regularly selected teams, in order to qualify for the regular field. Critics panned them, saying they had no right to be in the tournament, when other teams were more qualified. Well.....as we trans sisters all know, who is, or who is not qualified for something, is a matter of opinion, and so it was for VCU!

They silenced their critics, by soundly beating the University of Southern California 59-46. Still there were nay sayers. They would never be able to beat Big East powerhouse, Georgetown they said, but beat them they did, and not only did they beat them, they humiliated them, beating them 74-56! They then went on to humble Big Ten conference, Perdue, beating then 94-76!

Tonight, after several days layoff, they played Florida State University in San Antonio, Texas. It was nip and tuck from the very start, since both teams were very evenly matched, but in the end VCU pulled out a one point win in overtime! I watched it all on streaming video on my laptop, since the regular station carrying it on TV, was a cable station that I didn't have access to.

As soon as the game started, I knew it was going to be a cliff hanger. Florida got off to a sight early start, but VCU adjusted defensively, and by halftime, VCU was leading by several points. The second half was a nail biter. There was no way to predict who would come out on top. Finally at the end of regulation time the two teams were tied, and so an overtime period had to be played. In the end VCU nudged Florida State by just one point, beating them 72-71! What a nerve racking game! I sat with my fingers crossed for the last thirty minutes, hoping VCU would come out on top! Now they have to go on to play the University of Kansas, who beat the living piss out of another local team, the University of Richmond tonight. I don't think VCU will let them do that to them, but Kansas may still be more than they can handle. We'll see. My heart is with VCU. They have already gone farther than they, or the University of Richmond has ever gone in the national tournament, so even if they lose to Kansas, they will still be grand heros back home!

.........We now return you to your regular trans related conversations. *wink*

Melissa XX

Into Jaws Of The Beast

2011-03-21T22:36:00.005-04:00

I was making my way west on I-64 this evening, after having supper at my mother's condo. I was about 20 miles into my trip with another 20 or so to go, when I saw the first lightning bolt streak across the western sky. It was dusk, and the bolt had a surreal orange hue. I had watched a weather report earlier in the day, and the meteorologist warned us to expect some thunderstorms in the evening hours. I didn't like what I saw. I had a bad feeling I would be in the thick of it, just as I was pulling off the Interstate at my exit. Since I had stopped at Krogers after leaving my mother's, I had groceries to unload, and I didn't want to do it in the rain.

The sky got progressively darker as I got closer to home, and a veritable light show ensued in the sky before me. Bolt, after bolt lit up the sky, no longer orange in color, but fluorescent white against the blackened night sky. My windshield began to show drops of rain just before I reached my exit, but not enough to turn on the wipers. I left the Interstate at my exit, and made a left turn for the one mile ride south to US Route 250, where I turned right for the two mile ride west through the hills to where I live, when all of a sudden, the heavens opened up, and the deluge began! With both headlights and fog lamps on, and windshield wipers slinging water at at full speed, it was everything I could do to see the road out in front of me. Fortunately I had two other cars in front of me, and their tail lights provided a beacon for me to follow, otherwise I would have had to pull off the road. The intensity of the cloudburst, was reminiscent of the downpours I experienced on a daily basis, during the Monsoon season in South East Asia over 40 years ago. The normal 55MPH ride down US 250 to my subdivision, was reduced to a 15-20MPH crawl. By the time I pulled into my driveway, the rain had slacked off considerably, but it was still coming down in sufficient quantities, that I would have been soaked to the bone, had I not remembered to take my umbrella, but how do you hold a large golf umbrella, while opening vehicle doors, retrieving and carrying bags of groceries up a flight of deck steps, and then have to negotiate a locked door as well? Needless to say, when it was all said and done, I was more than a little bit wet, but on a positive note, the Dakota got a good spring washing!

After nearly a month's absence caused by illness and other plans, my bro-in-law showed up at mom's tonight, so once again the conversation was dominated by him and his plans for the future. And speaking of his plans, they include a glorious (for us *wink*) 3 week trip down to southern Florida this week, with his new main squeeze, so the next three weeks at mom's should be all girl affairs!

Mom served up beef tips and mushrooms in gravy over egg noodles, with fresh steamed asparagus slathered in butter, and a tossed garden salad. Es schmeckte so gut! Since I live alone, meals at home are generally pretty basic affairs. A piece of baked chicken, or fish, some microwaved frozen veggies, and some sort of beans, or a baked tuber of some kind is the boring norm. It's good to go to mom's once a week for some variety, and of course, it's always a surprise what she is going to serve, since she doesn't send out menues in advance.

After a long cold winter, spring has finally arrived here in the Piedmont. I noticed as I was pulling out of my driveway this afternoon, that my Redbud was just beginning to bloom, and further on down the road, at the mini-storage facility, the Bradford Pears were in full splendor! 77°F/25°C was the high today!

I've been living out in the country for over 17 years now. It has it's rewards, but sometimes I get nostalgic for city life.

Melissa XX

Running The A/C One Day After St. Patty's Day

2011-03-18T21:49:00.006-04:00

Is 83°F/28.3°C hot enough for you on March18th? It's 25°F above normal for this time of year, but so what? Just like last year, spring has decided to say the hell with convention, and take a flying leap! It's nearly 11:00 PM, and I'm sitting here in a short denim skirt and a tank top. The outside temperature is still in the 70's, and higher still inside, because I had both the oven and clothes dryer on earlier. It was becoming so uncomfortable, that I had to switch the air conditioning units on to cool things down a bit.

All of the trees in the Piedmont are budding now, and the forsythia is now in full bloom! In Richmond, 40 miles east of here, flowering trees are blooming everywhere! It will be another week or two, before we see that here. Our night time temperatures are colder, so we are usually two weeks behind areas east the James River fall line. For those who don't know, Richmond is 223 feet lower in elevation than where I live, and apparently that make a significant difference climate wise.

Because of my normal late winter malaise, I've been lackadaisical about my epilation over the last couple of months, and when I finally decided to tackle it yesterday, I realized it had been a month since I last epilated! I wasn't exactly furry, since over the years a lot of the hair had been eliminated, and the rest has at least been slowed down significantly, but there were hairs that had a months growth, and that meant they were long! Epilating long hairs is not a pleasant undertaking. It's much less painful, if the epilator can grab the hair at the skin's surface, rather than a quarter to a half an inch away. When that happens, the shock of the hair being whipped out of its follicle, is significantly increased, and the sensation can be quite prickly, not to mention the occasional drop of blood that gets pulled out along with the hair! When it was all done, I looked like I had the measles! Little red dots all over me! Fortunately they were all gone by the next morning.

For those of you who love the game of college basketball (probably only some of my American readers), The Big Dance is in full swing! For those who don't know what that is, The Big Dance is a nickname for the National College Athletic Association's anual national basketball tournament, where 64 teams; expanded to 68 this year, compete for the national collegiate title. It's a really big deal, because college teams from all over the country get a shot at becoming national champs, and sometimes smaller schools upset much larger ones, and go on to become Cinderella teams. The Big Dance........Cinderella ..........what's not to like about something, with names like that? Occasionally a Cinderella team will make it to the final four, and that's a really big deal. Virginia had five potential Cinderellas in the tournament, Hampton, Old Dominion (ODU), George Mason (GMU), and two Richmond schools, The University of Richmond (UR), and Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU). After two rounds, GMU, UR and VCU are all still in it, after beating teams that have been very strong traditionally, so we'll have to see how far they can go. All three teams are showing an intensity of play, that bodes well for future success. I just hope they can keep it up. Of course after living only blocks away for many years, 11th seeded (in the SW Regionals)VCU is my favorite. They hit 12 out of 23 shots from 3 point range tonight, to beat former powerhouse and 6th seeded Georgetown, by 18 points! They will go on to play 3rd seed Purdue on Sunday. Will they make it to the final four? Who knows, but at least they are still on the road, and every game from now on will be a great adventure!

I know I'm boring my girlfriend, Caroline to death with all this this talk about basketball, since she isn't the least bit interested in competitive sports. And truthfully, I can't say that I blame her, considering that when growing up, boys tended to exclude those like us, from pickup games out on the playground, or in the school gym. I was more fortunate in that regard, in that I was tall, and although I was never picked 1st, 2nd, and even rarely 3rd, I usually did get picked 4th or 5th for basketball. I attribute that solely to my height, since I stunk at the game, until I had played for a few years, and finally got the hang of it. I did play basketball in High School and again in the Army, and I enjoyed doing it, but I must confess, I'd much rather have enjoyed being a cheerleader! Short skirts, hair ribbons, and everyone in school adoring you.....you'd have to be crazy to not want that over being a second string basketball player!

I was rummaging through some of my old blog posts today, and I noticed a significant drop in the number of posts from last March. I can't explain why. Maybe I'm just running out of relevant things to say. One can only talk so much of their gender identity dysphoria, and related memories, before one runs out of anything interesting to say. I do hope I haven't become a bore to all of you. I always fear that, because it seem that I'm usually talking about the weather, or some other mundane subject these days, rather than anything trans related. Maybe I'll just have to start talking off the top of my head, regardless of the topic. Oh god, what a pitfall that could be! Can you imagine anything more boring than a blog about politics, or current events that have already been discussed ad nauseam?

Speaking of politics, I think my mail carrier must be a Republican, or even worse, a Tea Partier. I contributed money to the campaign of Barrak Obama, when he was running for president. Consequently when he got elected, I got put on his mailing list. In American politics the quest for future campaign funds never ends, so former donors are constantly mailed request for more money. When the president does this, he usually sends a nice portrait of himself, or a print of the White House. It comes in a large envelope, that clearly states who it is from, and on the front of the envelope, it says in bold lettering: Artwork enclosed - Do Not Bend! Today I received such a mailing from President Obama, and just like all the other ones I have received in the past, it had a sharp crease running right down the middle, just above where it said, Artwork enclosed - Do Not Bend! I'm not sure if she hates the president, or if she is just clueless, since she often puts my next door neighbors mail in my box too!

Melissa XX

Whew! I Thought I Had Been Exiled!

2011-03-12T22:19:00.003-05:00

Imagine that! Being suddenly and surreptitiously disconnected from all those you hold most dear! What had I done to deserve this awful fate?

For those who do not know yet, yesterday, I logged into my Gmail account, and was given a message informing me, that my account had been disabled, due to "suspicious activity". Suspicious activity? What in the world does that mean? It gave me a page full of optons, so I pondered them. At first I wondered, had I violated some obscur term of agrement, and offended the delicate sensibilities of the Google hierarchy? Then I thought, no........nothing on my blog coud even come close to some of the risqué stuff I have seen on countless other blogs. Not on any of your blogs of course......dear sweet innocent sisters! *wink*

I was given instructions to give them my wireless phone number, and they would text me a verification code, that I could reactivate my account with. Now like most internet troubleshooting problems, the instructions given to resolve issues were minimal and quite vague, leaving me to guess exactly what they meant. I have a Verizon wireless USB modem that I connect to the internet with. It has a designated phone number, and according to its on screen display, is capable of receiving text messages. So I submitted the phone number of my USB modem, thinking I would get a text message displayed in the modem's window, but no! I got nothing. I tried again, with the same result, and again, and again, and again, but to no avail. Soon frustration began to set in. I was upset! Through no fault of my own, I was totally disconnected from the outside world, and I deeply resented who or whatever caused it. I decided to take a break, and have some lunch. While eating my cup of chicken gumbo, and ham and cheese sandwich, I thought........let's try my regular cell phone number after lunch, maybe that will work. So after lunch, I typed in my cell phone number, and within 30 seconds, my phone buzzed! I flipped it open (Yes......dinosaur that I am, I still have a flip phone!) and lo and behold, there was a text message with my verification code! Suddenly my spirits were lifted!

I typed the verification code into my laptop, and hit the send button, and voilà! There I was! Just like Dorothy clicking her heels two times and saying,"There's no place like home!", I was home again! Immediately I ran to say hello to Auntie Em........er.......well.........not really! After all I was in Virginia, and Auntie Em was four states away in Kansas, but it was still good to be home, and in touch again!

I've been watching the Virginia State Highschool basketball championships.......both boys and girls......on the TV, with the sound turned off, and simultaneously listening to the grand works of Mahler. Oddly, the heroics on the court, blended remarkably well with the 4th movement of Mahler's Symphony #2; In Tempo des Scherzos. Then again, maybe the wine was just that good, and horrors of horrors, even P-Diddy, or God forbid, Usher would have sounded as good while watching the kids play! I hope not! If that's the case, then please rush me into re-hab!

I've enjoyed what I've seen. I used to play B-ball in both high school, and in the Army, and for a time after the Army, in pickup games on public courts. It really is a great game, that keeps you fit, but it's no game for old timers. Too much wear and tear on the feet and joints, plus you lose speed as you age, and you can't keep up with the more athletic youngsters. And for those who think that B-ball is just for men, it's not. I've played in pickup games, where I was being guarded by an athletic young woman, who had no qualms whatsoever of laying her shoulder into me, to drive to the hoop, or leaning her back into me while I was playing in the post post position. I have nothing but admiration for such young athletic females.

In Jenny's blog today, She talked about walking past a group of seemingly harmless teenagers, and even though she describes the image that she often presents to the world, as that of a scruffy bloke, she still felt vulnerable to the possibility of their hurtful adolescent jabs, proving that this rough exterior that many of us non-transitioners carry, is but a thin veil, that we wear to bluff our way through this world of hurt. Jenny sweetie, I know where you are coming from! You have my heart, dear. As I said on your blog, The girl inside, is a lot more vulnerable, than the scruffy male exterior would suggest.

Melissa XX

Changes Are Coming To The Piedmont

2011-03-04T00:30:00.011-05:00

It's not quite spring yet, but you can tell that the flora is desperately waiting to spring into bloom. There is a bush at the head of my driveway that just couldn't quite wait. Impatient rascal that it is, it decided in a spate of unseasonably warm temperatures last week, to prematurely unfurl it's blossoms, if you can even call them blossoms. A scraggly barren bush, with little green caterpillar like blossoms hanging from its wispy thin appendages is a more apt description.

The temperature has been on a roller coaster ride for past two and a half weeks now. Soaring into the mid to upper 70's some days, then plummeting back down into the low 30's , and upper 20's at night, before rising only into the 40's, or low 50's for the next few days, then soaring back up into the upper 70's again! So, the heat has been on and off according to the fickle whims of mother mature, but the mild temperatures have tickled most of the trees into budding. Within the next few weeks, spring should be busting out all over!

Wildcats

In my last post, I mentioned hearing the ominous snarl of a dangerously close, large wild cat, after stepping out onto my rear deck last Saturday night, for a breath of the cool night air. Hear a close approximation of what I heard here. The only difference is the pitch was just slightly higher, and there was no low frequency rumble at the end. My instant reaction was WTF? My fears were somewhat relieved when I read today, that the US Fish and Wildlife Service has declared the Eastern Cougar to be extinct. But what else could explain what I heard, unless it was a very large and aggressive bobcat? Bobcats, which are larger than domestic, or feral cats, are about the size of a medium sized dog. While not as abundant as deer and other wildlife, they do habit most of North America, and are occasionally taken by hunters, here in the Piedmont, but they are shy creatures that like to avoid contact with humans. My only guess is that whatever it was had just made a kill, and saw me as an uninvited guest showing up for dinner. Fair enough mystery cat, as long as you weren't sizing me up for a future midnight feast! Hmmm......thinking maybe I should invest in a shotgun.

Groceries

I shopped for groceries at a fairly new Krogers today, and every time I passed a stock clerk in the aisles, they flashed a smile and said hello! I went to the self checkout, so that I could bag my own groceries, but they always have a clerk standing by to persuade the computer to cooperate with you, and he too flashed a warm smile, and thanked me for shopping there! What is this world coming too? Could it be that we are we actually becoming civilized once again, or are my more cynical instincts correct, and as soon as this store has established its cliental, its staff will become as surly and uncaring as all the others? I don't know, but until I do, I think I shall continue shop for my groceries there.

Muammar al-Gaddafi

What can I say? What can any reasonable human being say about this supremely bizarre and ignorant self-imposed Libyan supreme leader? The son of an illiterate camel herder, he was once invited to a foreign state dinner, where shrimp cocktail was served as an appetizer. Gaddafi was aghast! "You people eat insects?" he was reported to have said. How in the world has this bumpkin ruled an oil rich nation for over forty years? How will he avoid being hung from a lamp post by his countrymen?

Lucy Melford

Our dear girlfreind is in Nuffield hospital in Brighton, recovering from her GRS. Please email her at lucymelford@googlemail.com, or leave a comment on her blog at, http://lucymelford.blogspot.com/ to let her know you have her in your heart. She really is a dear, and would love to hear from you!

Melissa XX

It's A Jungle Out There!

2011-02-26T23:24:00.004-05:00

I just stepped out onto my rear deck. It was about a quarter after eleven, and since the temperature was mild, I wanted to get a breath of the cool night air. I flipped my porch light on and stepped out. Save for my light, and the distant porch lights of a few neighbors, it was pitch black out. Suddenly I heard what sounded like a very large cat letting out a loud snarl from a distance so close, that it made me very uncomfortable! This was nobody's pet tabby, nor was it a feral cat. It was much too loud. It had to be either a bobcat or a cougar. I know we have bobcats here in the Piedmont, but there have been no confirmed sightings of cougars for a very long time. Yet when I Googled wild cat sounds, this cougar sound was almost identical to what I heard coming from my woods, no more than 30 yards away. After hearing it a couple of times, I decided to douse the light, and step back into the safety of my house.

Melissa XX

French Transsexuals Gain A Small Victory!

2011-02-26T00:53:00.004-05:00

How long before the rest of the world follows? Some countries have already taken the lead, but so many still lag behind. Those who adhere to strict gender norms will be displeased with some of the references in this article, but so what?

Oliver Twist

2011-02-23T00:38:00.007-05:00

What is it about Dickens, that stirs my soul? Could it be my own painful dark past, that makes me relate to his long suffering heros? I think there is more than a grain of truth in that assumption.

I am currently ensconced before the TV in my great room, my formerly trusty cozy quartz heater having finally gone on the fritz, yet here I remain completely mesmerized by a BBC production of Dickens' story of the hapless orphan Oliver. What a treasure Dickens' writings are, and what superb acting by the players in this wonderfully produced and directed mini-series! By the looks so far of Oliver, I'm counting on the rest of this BBC boxed set of Dickens' stories to be equally entertaining.

As usual, I went to my mother's for supper Monday night. When I get there, mom is usually in the kitchen, and I come in and fix myself a drink. She has an automatic ice maker, so I usually just grab a handfull of ice from her freezer and put it in a glass, then I reach for a two liter bottle of Root Beer or Dr. Pepper in her fridge, and pour a glassful. All went as expected until I reached for the ice. I put my hand into the pan holding the ice cubes from her automatic ice cube maker, but they were all frozen into a solid block!

I said, "Mom, your iced cubes are all stuck together", and pulled the pan out of the freezer to see what could be done about it. Mom..........yes my feeble ninety year old mom, took the pan away from me and hoisted it back into the freezer, where she proceded to bang the pan against the back wall of the freezer, in an attempt to loosen the frozen cubes! It seems she had previously left the freezer compartment door open, and all the cubes began to melt. Then, rather than just dump the defrosting mess into the sink and start a new pan of ice cubes, she just closed the door, and they all froze together into one solid block of ice! Of course her attempts to bang the cubes into submission was unsuccessful, and I asked her if she had an ice pick, which of course she didn't, but she did hand me a rather thin bladed steak knife, which I carefully began to chip the cubes apart with. Fortunately we only needed enough cubes for three drinks, since my bro-in-law and my niece weren't coming, and we sat down to a supper of chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes, a fresh garden salad, and chocolate pudding with a whipped cream topping.

Before I left my house for mom's I got a message on my phone from my sister. She wanted me to help her move a special reading device from an acquaintance of hers on a lower floor, up to mom's apartment. We would need a flat bed cart to move it, so when I arrived, I got the flat cart stored next to the utility elevator on the first floor, and proceeded to take it up to the tenth floor, on the utility elevator, but the utility elevator was out of service, so I had to take the cart around to the lobby and up on the the normal passenger elevator.

When I got there, my sister and I took the cart back down to the seventh floor and to her friend's apartment. What she was giving away was, a reading system for people with macular degeneration, which consisted of a 25" television set, and a camera system that mounts on a table over the book you are reading, and displays its text magnified many times on the TV screen. Mom was recently diagnosed with macular degeneration, and has had an increasingly difficult time reading, even with reading glasses, so this should be a big help to her.

I like to purchase DVD's, and when I'm done with them, I like to pass them on to my sister, for her enjoyment. Monday I gave her a two DVD set of an excellent mini-series called The Corner. It is about life in a run down black neighborhood in Baltimore, where some otherwise decent men, women and adolescents get caught up in the heroin and cocaine scene, and the resultant violence that has flooded their once peaceful neighborhood of row houses. It's a great series about a depressing subject, if you can handle it. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and discovered how hard it is for those living in that environment to not get trapped in it, and once trapped, how hard it is to get out.

The ongoing TG vs TS war continues unabated, often hyperbolized in wishful thinking and self-serving rhetoric, but every now and then you hear a voice of reason. Teri, of Common Teri's Commentary is such a voice. She is a sweet, intelligent and talented trans woman, with her feet planted firmly on solid ground. Do yourself a favor it you haven't read her blog, and pay her a visit. By the way, she is a very talented audio, and visual artist! She plays guitar, writes and sings, and has done some very lovely photography, as well as some beautiful drawings.

The weather here has moderated significantly from just a couple of weeks ago. You'd think that spring had already arrived, with temperatures soaring into the mid to upper 70's°F several afternoons. Still, we had our sixth snowfall so far last night, albeit just a light dusting that was gone by mid-morning. My kind of snow!

Melissa XX

Are You An Idolater?

2011-02-16T18:07:00.008-05:00

I am! Now, I'm not speaking of kneeling before the golden calf. If I ever do that, you can come and put me in a straight jacket! No, I'm speaking of the pop TV show, American Idol. They are still in the process of separating the wheat from the chaff, but this year's show promises to showcase some pretty serious talent, if the contestants can only refrain from attempting to guild the lilly, as they have been so want to do in many seasons past. It appears that the worst offenders have been weeded out, so we shall see. After all, it takes more than pretentious vocal gymnastics to become the next American Idol.

Up to 65°F tomorrow, and 75°F on Friday! WTF? Has mother nature suddenly reverted from cruel bitch mode, and and taken pity on our poor suffering souls? What a fickle mistress she is! Give me one good reason why I should have any respect for her above any other deity? My view of deities is like that of the mischievous Greek gods, cruelly toying with us for their own pleasure. Who needs them?

On a somber note.........my heart is with CBS journalist, Lara Logan tonight, as she lays in a US hospital, recovering from a brutal beating, and sexual assault by a gang of despicable, ignorant, misogynistic thugs in Egypt this week, while covering the pro-democracy protests for her network. She will get over the bruises, but will she ever recover from the emotional trauma? Her experience highlights the dangers that all foreign correspondents must endure to send stories home from around the world, but especially the dangers faced by women reporting from countries where women are still treated with little more respect than slaves.

A moment ago, I was in my master bathroom, taking a pee (Shouldn't that be leaving a pee? Who would actually want to take a pee?), and even though it is after midnight, through the skylight, I could hear the Canada Geese on the pond out back, making a commotion. What could be disturbing them? Is there a fox, coyote, or bobcat prowling the bank? The geese tend to stay in the water, far from the shore, for their own protection. After all....long fanged predators, who would love nothing more than to dine on fat succulent gooseflesh, await there stupid mistakes.

But then the darker side of my imagination kicks in, and I begin to wonder if some murderous psychopath has escaped from the prison farm on the southern edge of the county, and stealthily made his way here to my wooded neighborhood to murder me. But now, the geese and the neighborhood dogs are all calm, so hopefully, any convicts on the prowl have moved on.

Melissa XX

An Early Arrival Of Spring?

2011-02-15T23:27:00.005-05:00

I just paid my third electric bill in three months, in excess of $300. This one was the highest yet, at $344.44. Thankfully after more than 37 years of blood sweat and tears in an international chemical corporation's manufacturing plant, I have a decent secured pension, and could afford to heat my home this frigid winter. Sad to say, that many of those younger folks following me, will not be so lucky, as corporate leadership elected to do away with the company secured pension plan, and force everyone into funding their own retirement, through volatile IRA's, and 401 K's.

As cold as it has been for the last 2 and a half months, spring seems to be at our doorstep! Yesterday the mercury soared to 70°F/21°C, but along with it came tropical storm force winds, gusting at 40 to 50 MPH! Living on a wooded lot, high winds are always a concern, especially for the dead and dying trees, and yesterday was no exception, as an old dead tree gave up it's ghost, and tumbled down across the driveway. A last minute call had to be made to my mother, to inform her that I wouldn't be coming to supper, because I had some emergency lumberjacking to do.

In another sign of spring, I heard a tremendous chirping of birds this morning. I rushed to the back door to see what was causing the commotion, just in time to see a huge flock of starlings taking flight across our finally unfrozen pond, from the the trees above in my woods out back. They are amazing birds, and when in flight, remind me of schools of fish, in the way they behave as a single unit.

I must be getting old, because Im not very keen on learning new tricks. I recently obtained a DVD of The Social Network, because it had received rave reviews, and won a bunch of Oscars at the Academy Awards Show. I'm sorry to say that I was not all that impressed. It did have and intense driving musical score, that kept the film on a very upbeat pace, but the storyline about a surly, obnoxious computer geek, starting up Facebook, left me kind of cold. I'd give it maybe, six or seven stars out of ten. I'm just not that impressed with the subject. Indeed, I rarely ever visit my own Facebook account, because just like Betty White, I think FB, Twitter, and the like, are such a colossal waste of time. I've thought about closing my Facebook account, but I keep getting requests for friendship from people I have met here on Blogger, and many others I have never met at all. My usual reply is to accept the ones I know, with the caveat, that I rarely ever check into my account, so don't hang around waiting for me to respond if you leave a message. I will eventually get to it, but by then any response will more likely than not, be irrelevant.

Here is a treat for you all. Unfortunately, I can't embed the video. It's a lovely clip of an Orangutan and Blue Tick Hound, who have become the best of pals! Check it out here.

Melissa XX

It Snowed Again Tonight............

2011-02-10T02:34:00.002-05:00

...........for the sixth time so far this winter, but we have been incredibly lucky here in the Virginia Piedmont this winter, compared to last year. We have been on the fringes of all the major blizzards blowing from the southwest up to the northeast. Tonight was no exception, just another light dusting. Maybe a half, to an inch of snow. A mere sweep with a broom tomorrow and the deck will be cleared. If we have to endure snow, let it always be thus!

Tonight I popped in a DVD of Alice In Wonderland (the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp version). As the movie started, I ate a light supper, consisting of a skinless/boneless chicken thigh, some collard greens and a small serving of baked beans. Hardly a carbohydrate laden meal, but halfway into the movie, I started to nod. I think the fact that I only slept for 4 1/2 hours the night before may have had something to do with it. I tend to stay up late, and even though I have venetian blinds in my bedroom, when the morning sun begins to shine, I wake up, and once awake, I have a hard time going back to sleep. So....if after a half an hour or so, and I haven't fallen back to sleep, I usually just get up and fix breakfast. I'm usually good for the rest of the day then, but I think it catches up with me in the evening. I'll have to give Alice another try. What little I did see was fascinating! I love Tim Burton's art.

My longtime readers all know of my love for the works of Gustav Mahler. Right now I am typing this post to the strains of his Symphony N0. 1 "Titan", by the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra. It's perfectly magical! Please take the time to enjoy this little snippet.

Melissa XX

It Isn't Easy Being Green

2011-02-09T00:45:00.004-05:00

Kermit is absolutely right!

I like to eat green things. Not Kermit of course! I could never eat such a dear sweet frog. However.........shamefully though I must admit, over the course of my life, I have eaten a few of his cousins........possibly even some of his brothers and sisters!

Of course the kind of green thing I'm speaking of, is the green, leafy, cruciferous kind. I love greens. In addition to Broccoli, Brussel Sprouts and altough not green, Cauliflower, I usually buy a can or two of mixed greens........turnip,and mustard usually. Last night while shopping, I remembered how long it's been since I had eaten collard greens, another one of my favorites, so I bought a can of them too. I had planned on eating them tonight with my supper, so I opened the can.

Now, because canned vegetables usually have an over abundance of sodium, it's been my practice to pour off the liquid before heating them up. So.......I partially opened the lid on the can of collards, and began to pour off the briny liquid. I poured.........and I poured.........and I poured..........and I poured........hmmm! There is an awful lot of liquid in this can, I thought. I continued to pour. By the time I was done pouring, the can felt extremely light. I resumed opening the top with my can opener, and sure enough, there was but a half a can of greens left inside! My first thought was, "The stingy bastards!" Then I realized I must have gotten the last can of the batch! Still, poor quality control.

But, que será será! My luck was rotten, but not as bad as the man who found a mouse in his bottle of beer, the woman who found a thumb in her can of peas, or the hapless soul who found a breaded, deep fried chicken head in their order of chicken McNuggets!

As Teri posted on her blog yesterday, always look on the bright side of life!

Melissa XX

Working Up A Sweat

2011-02-07T23:14:00.005-05:00

No.......this is not going to be a blog about hard work or exercise, what I'm talking about here is a simple trip to the grocery store. Tell me please, is there some kind universal law governing retail merchants, that compels them to keep the heat in their stores at 80°F or higher throughout the winter? For my non-American readers that would approximate 27°C.

From past experience, I knew it was going to be warm in Krogers this evening, so I intentionally left my jacket in the truck, thinking a lightweight cotton shirt and a cardigan sweater would be just the ticket. About five minutes in, I began to wonder what their monthly electric bill was, and then how hard their refrigerated cases had to work to compensate for the ridiculously high ambient temperature. Then begrudgingly, my thoughts drifted to how much cheaper my weekly grocery bill would be, if they would only lower their thermostat to a more reasonable 72°F/22°C.

Warm as it was while pushing my cart around the store, it was nothing compared to the burning hell of the checkout lanes, where heat ducts have been strategically placed to ensure that cashiers and baggers don't have to suffer the life threatening consequences of gooseflesh! God forbid they should ever be advised to put on a sweater if they feel a chill!

So there I was in the self-checkout lane, my sweater living up to it's name. By the time I had finished packing my first bag of groceries, I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead, and by the time I was ready to pay my bill, my undershirt was sticking to my flesh! The temperature outside was just 47°F/8.3°C, but it felt like heaven when I emerged from that cauldron. I crossed the parking lot and loaded my groceries into the truck, then put my cart in the adjacent cart corral. Getting into the truck, I removed my cap and wiped the sweat from my brow. Needless to say, my jacket remained on the passenger's seat for trip home.

Supper at my mother's was pleasant this evening. My niece couldn't make it, but the other usual suspects were there. My sister told me she enjoyed the DVD of The Girl With The Pearl Earring that I gave her for her birthday last week. That entire movie is shot to ressemble a Johannes Vermeer's painting. If you haven't seen it, and love Dutch Golden Age art, you will surely enjoy this movie.

My bro-in-law wanted to tell a story, that he had already told us three times, about his brother using a hernia as an excuse not to lift anything over 25 lbs. He began by saying........"Did I ever tell you about about the time I............", to which my sister said, "Yes, you have." Well, he proceeded to tell the story again anyway! When he was done, I said that's the fourth time you've told us that story, you must be losing your short term memory, to which my sister replied, "I wish I was losing mine!"

Melissa XX

I Just Finished Watching The Tudors Tonight

2011-02-04T02:02:00.007-05:00

Whoever said there was nothing worth watching on television, never saw The Tudors. I just finished watching the final season, and it was one of the best series I have ever seen on TV, bar none.

Even though Henry VIII was portrayed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers as more of a young rock star, than the portly potentate that he truly was, it was still great television. The cinema-photography was nothing less than stunning. The costumes, and especially the dresses worn by Henry's Queens and their maids, were absolutely gorgeous! The script was wonderful, and the acting.....? Nothing short of superb!

The series pulled no punches for the sake of political correctness, and there were several scenes in the Tower and on the gallows, that brought me to outright fits of weeping, over man's inhumanity to fellow man. How in the world was it ever conceived as just, to hang, draw, and quarter someone in front of a crowd, or burn them at the stake, let alone to torture them unmercifully in a dungeon beforehand, in order to draw out a confession? Sadly, there are still those unenlightened ones among us, who wouldn't hesitate, out of allegiance to their country or cause, to do similar things to their perceived enemies today.

The Tudors is a series well worth watching. If you are so inclined, you can buy all four seasons at Amazon.com. If so, it will be money well worth spent.

Melissa XX

Rain

2011-02-01T23:36:00.015-05:00

It's raining right now. I suppose that should be a relief, I mean at least it's not another round of snow. And yes, it is a relief. We've had five snow falls so far this winter, and even though none of them have approached the depths of last winter's three blizzards, they are still an unwelcome hassle. Pretty as they are coming down and during the morning after, the reality of shoveling a walkway, and clearing the vehicle sets in, and then there is the constant dripping and refreezing of the of the snow melting off the roof onto the deck below. I hope we've seen the last of it for this year. Temperatures over the last few days would indicate that winter is making its exit, but I'm not nearly naive enough to buy into that. It was a balmy 48° F today, and it's expected to soar to 57° F tomorrow, but I'm no fool. February has just begun, and Februarys past have brought us some of our most memorable snows, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday

That great old Stones hit was playing in my head, as I rolled out of Ruby Tuesdays parking lot on my way home last night. Ruby Tuesdays is a restaurant chain, and last night my sister, my mother, my bro-in-law, and me met there to celebrate my sister's 67th birthday. You would never guess her age by looking at her. She is still very adorable, and not just in looks. She has an equally adorable personality as well.
I gave her two DVD's of movies that I thought she would like. She was an art major in college, so I'm sure her interests are far more sophisticated than mine. Nevertheless, we share a love for a lot of the same things, especially beautiful things. I remembered her saying that she had not seen Memoirs of a Geisha, an absolutely beautiful movie, so I got her a DVD of it, and added a DVD of Girl With The Pearl Earring, about a young peasant maid, working in the house of painter, Johannes Vermeer, who becomes his talented assistant, and the model for one of his most famous works, an equally beautiful movie! If you have never seen it, I wholeheartedly encourage you too. Johannes Vermeers paintings are absolutely wonderful, with some of the most beautiful representations of light and color that I have ever seen. The wonderful thing about this particular movie, is that it is shot to look just like his paintings! I remember first putting it in the DVD player, and instantly falling in love with it! I had remembered my sister asking about Memoirs of a Geisha, so I thought that I would get that for her too, but when she opened it, she said she had just bought it for herself, so she will be giving that one to someone else. Well..........I guess 1 out of 2 isn't bad. Buying presents for someone is always a shot in the dark. That's why I write checks for my sister and nieces at Christmas time, so they can buy whatever they want. Maybe I should do the same for birthdays, but I'm not so sure. Birthdays are more intimate than Christmas, where everyone is getting something. Birthdays are our own special day. Shouldn't we all be made to feel special on them?

Ruby Tuesdays was a welcome departure from Red Slobster. Better atmosphere, and definitely better food! My sister and mom got the Talapia, my bother got his standard New York strip steak that he gets regardless of the venue, and I got their classic cheeseburger and fries (chips), and a plateful of salad from the salad bar. I have to have my veggies! I was hoping to get a buffalo burger, but sadly they are no longer on the menue. Mom and my sister shared some sort of torte, apple I think, with a scoop of some sort of nondescript (my sister couldn't describe the flavor) beige colored ice cream for desert, but I declined. My cheeseburger, fries, and salad smothered in Ranch dressing, had enough calories to last me until lunch the next day! I offered to helped pay for the meal, but mom said she wanted to put it on her card, and I wasn't going to argue with her over it! Never look a gift horse in the mouth!

On the way out after we parted with our b-in-l, and my sister raised her concern that not only did he not give her a gift, but he didn't even offer to help pay the tab, even though he is loaded. She remembered that he had come to our mother's birthday meal with no present, and paid for his meal separately instead of sharing the bill. She said she wanted to write him a letter, telling him how selfish he was, but I told her not to waste her time, because he was just a tightwad and it would only fall on deaf ears. You can't shame people like that. They are completely self centered, and any criticism rolls right off their back, like water off a duck.

After getting pretty fed up with my poor reception of the new broadcast digital TV channels, I succumbed to the lure of the internet and Amazon.com, and bought a passel of DVD's. After all, I have to have something to watch at night! If you look to the right resources, you can find a lot of good viewing out there. In addition to watching episodes of PBS Masterpiece Theater's Downton Abbey on line, so far I have almost completed watching HBO's mini series, The Pacific. It is an excellent series produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielburg, and it is a vey accurate depiction of the US Marine Corps 1st Division combat on Peleliu, Iwo Jima, and Okinawa in WWII. WARNING! You will get combat fatigue watching this series! When I said it was an accurate depiction, I wasn't fooling. Lots and lots of very realistic bloody close combat scenes, with no punches pulled. It was very hard to take at times, and I shed quite a few tears watching it, but I felt like I owed it to the many who gave their lives and sufferd the horrors, to experience what they went through, if only vicariously. If you don't weep for the those who fell, or lost their innocence in that horrible wretched war, then you are indeed a lost soul.

Another series I am into at the moment, is The Tudors. I love it! I've watched all three previous seasons of this depiction of Henry VIII, and his wives, and now I'm watching the final season. It is one of the most beautifully filmed series I have ever seen, and it really captures the politics and intrigue of his court, as well as Henry's own machinations and of course, his narcissism.

I'm also very fond of old TV westerns...........and no silly, thats not transvestite westerns! I'm talking about old television cowboy shows. I saw an add for the complete late 1950's series Wanted Dead Or Alive, starring a very young Steve McQueen, and I had to jump on it! It's great! Just as good as I remembered, when I saw it on it TV, as a 10 year old kid! What amazes me, is how they were able back then, to pack a great story into one 30 minute TV show, but after watching the timer on my DVD player I had a clue. Today, an hour of TV has about 20 minutes of commercials. These old shows ran an average of 25 to 26 minutes, meaning that they were interrupted for commercials less than half the time of today's TV shows, and a 20 second Speedy Alka-Seltzer commercial was a whole lot more entertaining, than a depressing, intensive two minute hard sell pharmaceutical, or cancer treatment center commercial is today. Thank god for the mute button!

Another great mini-series I'm watching is the Emmy award winning series, The Corner, about the lives of hapless souls, trapped in a drug ridden neighborhood of inner city Baltimore. A modern day Dickensian tale, but with true stories about real people. Truly great stuff, filled with very sad, hilarious, and poignant moments!

I also got a BBC collection of Dickens' works, including Our Mutual Friend, Great Expectations, Hard Times, Bleak House, Martin Chuzzlewit, and Oliver Twist. I can't wait to dive into them! I do love Charles Dickens! After a life of many frustrations, I can identify so well with his subjects.

On A Sadder Note
Unfortunately, I removed myself as a follower from a certain person's blog today. I had been contemplating it for a while, but refrained, because I was still unsure of this person's true nature. I truly admired her for her independent spirit, and especially for her artistic abilities, but she had dark side that always disturbed me. She would occasionally type angry polemics about the state of affairs in American politics, and recently began to pen angry diatribes against the mainstream trans community. Her latest angry rant was the last straw for me. It left me wondering, who pissed in this poor girl's cornflakes? Who, or what has caused this trans woman to be so angry with the rest of us, that she would go out of her way to push away people that tried to befriend her? It made me sad, to leave. I love most people and I'm more than willing to forgive them for their faults, but who wants to befriend someone who wants to smack you in the mouth, every time you misunderstand them? I'm sorry girl. I sincerely wanted to be your friend, but you pushed me away. I leave you in peace.

Happy Candlemas, everyone! Only six weeks til spring!

Melissa XX

I Was Going To Talk About Another Nor'easter Riding Up The Atlantic Coast.......

2011-01-27T05:06:00.009-05:00

..........but then I realized you had all had your fill of such boring tripe. Significant to me, but not so much to you. So......what shall we discuss? Well, how about the fact that I haven't bought a single thread of female clothing in six months.......except for the three tops I bought last week *grin*? I was shopping out of control for a while, and stuff was piling up everywhere. I just had to get a handle on it. I can't possibly wear everything I find attractive. I had to come to grips with that, since I was running out of space to store everything. My latest purchase was actually some men's clothing, as I have gained a significant amount of weight, (something that I am not proud of), and my male clothing has become..........well.........let's just say, kind of tight.

It's all my fault. I plead guilty, to being a lazy, procrastinating sloven. But with no social life, why should I care? I live 50 miles out in the wilderness, so I have no one to please but myself. It's peaceful out here, but it's also lonely. Lonely isn't necessarily bad though. When you have lived in town, and felt very oppressed by the social construct that separates male from female, isolation out in the wilderness isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's actually more like a refuge.

I've been very depressed with the nose dive that our discussions have taken in the last six or seven months, and I'm sure my blogs have reflected it. We have gone from being a sweet group of like minded individuals, to a divisive group of she wolves. All of this negativity was introduced by a single obsessed and prolific narcissistic malcontent last summer. Narcissists are very hard to deal with, because they are so good at rationalizing, and presenting themselves to the unwitting, as something that they are not. They are skilled at turning the tables against their indictors, and making it seem that the charges levied against them, are the offenses of their accusers. Our chief antagonist is such an entity. She will never admit to her transgressions, she is way too self-righteous for that, and will always attempt to place the blame on any who call her out. But then she has no other recourse, because she is after all, a self-appointed Empress, with no clothes.

Now, on a lighter note:

Melissa XX

Where Has My Inspiration Gone?

2011-01-25T03:47:00.009-05:00

It's mid winter, and I've lost my muse once again. The selfish bitch!.....she tends to desert me this time of year, preferring to wonder off and hibernate in a cave somewhere, leaving me to my own devices. I suppose I will just have to hobble along somehow without her.

Last month I had one of my largest electric bills in 18 years! Yes, it's been that stinkin' cold! Thanks though to the powers that be, heavy snows have not accompanied the frigid temperatures we have had to endure so far this winter. Last winter was a nightmare of successive heavy snows, beginning in mid December and occurring throughout January and February. By luck, the nor'easters have stayed either too far inland, or too far off coast to laden us with heavy snows this winter. We have had four light snows, but because the temperature have remained so low, they've taken weeks to melt, and the pond has been frozen for over a over a month now. Last night the mercury dipped down to 11° F/-11.6° C! That's just too much! Even with the heat on, you have to stay wrapped in a blanket!

Tonight was supper at Mom's, and she treated us to an enjoyable meal of shrimp in an Alfredo sauce on brown rice, with baby carrots sautéed in butter, brown suger and cinnamon, and a lovely tossed salad, of lettuce, red onion, cucumbers and tomatoes. Apple turn overs, or Cherries Jubilee ice cream, or both if desired, was the choice for desert. Well.......as the old saying goes........"You scream, they scream, we all scream for ice cream!".......so I had to go for the Cherries Jubilee! It was just the Krogers brand with no sugar added, but it tasted remarkably like Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, with bits of maraschino cherries, and chunks of dark chocolate in cherry ice cream. Yum!

My beloved sister will be celebrating her 67th birthday next week, We have yet to decide when and where we will be taking her for her birthday supper, but you can rest assured it will not be at Red Lobster! The last time I talked to her about it, she mentioned Ruby Tuesdays. They have the most wonderful lean buffalo burgers! I don't often eat red meat, but I do enjoy it when given the chance. A good steak, or a great burger is hard to beat.

While in he grocery store, I tried to find her an appropriate birthday card. They had an entire aisle dedicated to greeting cards on both sides, and it took me the better part of a half an hour to find a humorous card that wasn't completely lame! 99% of them were so stupid, that they didn't elicit even the slightest grin! You would think that card companies would hire witty, intelligent writers, but most seem to hire, second graders! Finding a humorous, witty, or truly poignant card has nearly become an exercice in futility. Fortunately after close to 30 minutes, I found something sort of retro femme centered, that I hope will appeal to her sophisticated sense of humor. If not dear sweet sister, then I sincerely apologize! Where is Gary Larson and his Far Side cartoon cards when you need a funny caption?

Hard to believe my sister is turning 67! It kind of scares me, even though she clearly looks much younger. I'm so lucky to have her! If you knew her you would understand. She really is an intelligent, sweet and wonderful woman. I love her so!

Melissa XX

I Can't Sleep

2011-01-20T03:52:00.003-05:00

........so I thought I would pass this little bit of treasure on to you. Have you ever read the blog, Jessica Who? If you haven't, then you are missing out on some seriously funny stuff.

Melissa XX

You Really Can't Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

2011-01-19T01:31:00.004-05:00

I exited the the elevator on the tenth floor of my mother's apartment building Monday evening, and instantly my olfactory nerves were met with the fragrant blend of aromas emanating from kitchens where suppers were being prepared. As I walked down the hall to my mother's apartment, I tried to guess which aroma originated from the meal that I would soon be enjoying, but as usual it was impossible to tell. As I passed each door, the aroma would subtly change.

Finally I got to Mom's door. I have my own key, so I let myself in. I noticed a pleasant non-specific aroma of some kind of roasting meat. It could have been chicken, but it wasn't until Mom started putting little cups of applesauce at each place setting, that I correctly guessed roast pork.

Now, as I have blogged before, Mom had been carving meat with an old bread knife, because all of her other knives were too dull, so I bought her a brand new set of razor sharp stainless steel kitchen knives for Christmas. After a while I walked into the kitchen, and she was busy hacking away at a platter of tenderloins, and she seemed to be having a hard time. She has arthritic hands, so I asked her if she need any help. She said, "This knife isn't working!" I said let me see it. She handed the knife to me, and I almost burst out laughing. Although it was one of her new knives, it was the bread knife!

I got the carving knife and finished slicing up the tenderloins for her. Soon we were eating pork, accompanied by a medley of mixed veggies, potatoes au gratin (when we were kids, my sister used to call them, potatoes all rotten), and a tossed salad. My sister had to scold my brother-in-law once again, for taking half of the bowl of veggies, but that has come to be expected. Before supper, he presented me with some horrifying news. He said he was seriously considering buying an apartment in my mother's building when he sells his house. If so, that will certainly rule out me wanting to live in Mom's apartment after she passes, something I have considered, because I really would like to eventually move back to Richmond.

Sadly my niece could not join us, because she had to work late at the big box hardware/home improvement store where she is employed. It's never quite the same without her, because she has such a wonderful sense of humor and she is so uninhibited. I've loved her ever since my sister sent me a picture of her shortly after she was born in 1968, when I was in the Army. I remember shortly after returning from Vietnam, I was babysitting for her one night. She was on my lap, and I was sipping a can of beer, while reading her a story. The can of beer was sitting on a table next to my chair. Eventually she got quite tired, so I put her to bed. I went back to my chair and reached for my can of beer, and it was nearly empty! Unbeknownst to me, she had been purloining sips, all the while I was reading the story to her! Needless to say, she slept very soundly that night!

The weatherman had predicted sleet and freezing rain on Monday night, so I was bit worried about my trip back into the foot hills after dark. The roads of the Piedmont can be quite treacherous when the temperatures fall blow freezing, and any form of precipitation is falling. Fortunately there was enough residual salt on the roads to keep them from getting icy, but by the time I arrived at my exit off the Interstate, I noticed that the hood of my truck was covered with ice. I had stopped at the grocery store next to my mother's before I left Richmond, so I had to unload the truck when I got home. By then, the deck was covered in a layer of gritty sleet, and I was able to bring my groceries in with only a slight worry of slipping. An hour later as the freezing rain began to come down in earnest, the steps and deck became completely glazed over. I made it home just in time!

Melissa XX

The Night Visitor

2011-01-14T00:29:00.005-05:00

It was a hot summer night in 1973, and I was sitting in a recliner in my urban, bottom floor apartment, watching a small black and white television set. The unscreened window was open to facilitate a cool breeze through the stifling hot apartment. All at once, an image appeared in the corner of my left eye. I turned my head, and sitting on the open window sill, was an orange tabby tom cat, staring directly at me. He had a friendly look on his face, so I began to talk to him. "Hey buddy boy, come on in and say hello!"

He found my invitation to his liking, and hopped down from the widow sill, then sauntered on over to me. We made an instant connection! I reached down, and like an old pal, he began rubbing furiously against my compliant fingertips.........his cat motor loudly purring his contentment!

He spent the next hour or so watching TV with me, until he decided it was time to exit the same way he came in. Up upon the window sill he jumped, then back out into the night, never to be seen again! I thoroughly enjoyed our serendipitous encounter, but it wasn't until a few days later that I realized the full impact of his visit, when I began to notice itchy red bites on my ankles. My feline friend it turns out, had infested my carpet with fleas! It was so bad, that for a few days I actually contemplated wearing flea collars on my ankles! A thorough hosing down of the carpet with a super size can of Raid only proved to be temporary fix, and eventually I had to fog the entire apartment to finally rid myself of the plague.

I don't hold it against my night visitor. He meant no harm. To this day I still love all creatures great or small, but I never allow them past my doorstep........or window sill.

Melissa XX

Memories of My First Sock Hop

2011-01-13T04:04:00.003-05:00

The DJ would announce that this was the last song of the night, then suddenly an emotional connection that had eluded us for the entire evening would take over, as we tenderly embraced our dance partners for those few final moments. Keep in mind, that this was during the seventh grade!

Melissa XX

Masterpiece Theater Has Done It Again!

2011-01-13T01:04:00.002-05:00

This excellent series is aired on PBS in the US, and is currently running Downton Abbey. It's a wonder story of an English estate, immediately following the sinking of the Titanic, and the intertwined lives of the masters of the house and their servants. Beautifully filmed, wonderfully acted, and full of poignant sequences, guaranteed to bring tears to the eyes of any intelligent sensitive girl. Highly recommended! See Episode #1 here.

Melissa XX

Well.....The Big Snow Storm Passed..........

2011-01-12T00:04:00.003-05:00

...........and all I got was this lousy dusting! All kidding aside, a mere dusting is the best kind of snowfall of all! Here today, gone tomorrow!

So the whirlpool tub, filled in anticipation of a power outage and my well pump not working, is now a reservoir of evaporating water, ameliorating the effects of the dry electric heat. I'm not much into whirlpool baths anyway. I've only used mine once in the 18 years I've lived here, and it's taking up a quarter of the space in my master bath. I'm seriously considering adding some aquatic plants, and turning it into a koi pond!

Take care everyone, and stay warm.

Melissa XX

Where To Start?

2011-01-09T00:38:00.005-05:00

I was on my way to the dump today, when "The Ride Of The Valkyries" began to blare over my cell phone. I never answer my phone when I'm driving, so when I got to the dump, I tried to pull up the number, to see who it was from. A missed called had registered, but unlike all missed calls in the past, there was no information about who called. Not even the number of the caller. Hmmm............strange!

Of course my very first concern, was that my 90 year old mother had fallen and broken her hip again. She's already done that twice, and because she is both unsteady on her feet, and a tad scatterbrained, my greatest fear is getting a call saying she has fallen, and been hospitalized. She has recovered from past broken femurs with flying colors, but her last was nearly ten years ago, and I'm afraid she won't fair so well, if it happens again. It was a fall from a kitchen step stool, while reaching for a can of peanuts on an upper shelf, that sent my grandfather to the hospital for the last time in his life. He was in his late eighties, and the broken hip he suffered was just too much for his old body to handle.

Once I had thrown my bags of trash into the compactor, I dialed Mom's number. After a nervous five rings, she answered. Whew! It wasn't her, so who was it??? They never called back, so I haven't a clue!

Another major coastal storm is brewing, and it's scheduled to arrive by Monday night, or Tuesday morning. As usual, no one knows just how much accumulation we will have until it gets here. I needed various and sundry provisions for the upcoming week, but I didn't want to risk waiting until my usual grocery store trip after Monday night supper at my mother's, so off to the grocery store I flew after dumping my trash.

It really felt like winter today. The temperature climbed no higher than 31° F/-0.5° C, and the sky was filled with those low dark gray clouds, that look like their bottoms were dropping out; remnants of the overnight snow that dumped about an inch and a half on us last night. The weather report only called for flurries, but by 8:00 PM the deck was blanketed in white. By this morning, another inch or more was added. Fortunately most of it was melted by the time I took to the road today.

As I drove down the Interstate, I went through several interchanges, where cars were entering the highway via the on ramps. Apparently many people are unaware that the traffic on the highway, has the right of way over oncoming traffic, because they rush down the on ramp until they are parallel with you, and then just hang there, expecting you to either slow down to let them on, or move over into the inside lane. When you ignore them, and stay in your lane and maintain your speed, they eventually run out of on ramp, and have to slow down and pull in behind you. That really seems to tick many of them off, because they will invariably power on around you, and then pull in front of you and slow down, just to let you know how unhappy they were that you didn't yield your right of way to them, before stepping on the gas and figuratively leaving you in a cloud of dust!

Would you like to try some fashion fun? Go to this link, and see how good you are at matching accessories with various outfits. It's all very subjective of course, so don't feel bad if it takes several guesses to get them right. I tried it and did OK, but would have done better if I had stuck with my initial instincts, instead of second guessing myself. Let me know how you did!

Melissa XX

Red Slobster

2011-01-03T23:55:00.008-05:00

I met up with my sister, niece and brother-in-law at Red Lobster this evening, for My mother's 90th birthday dinner. My brother-in-law was already there when I arrived, so we chatted in the lobby until my sister and niece arrived with mom. By last summer, my b-in-law had gotten over his grief over the loss of my sister, and decided he needed a new woman, so he went to Match.com and found a new girl. He also likes to travel, and has made recent trips to the Virgin Islands, Florida and upstate New York. So naturally knowing my b-in-law, our conversation revolved around him talking about those things, and then asking me if I had any travel plans. I told him that traveling without someone to share it with is no fun, so he said, "Well I like women and like to spend my time with them", and then he asked me if I had any plans to get a girlfriend! Now he has know me for 29 years, and I have never once had a girlfriend in all that time, so I was little irritated by the question, but I just passed it off by saying, that I like women too, but I have never been successful at relationships with them. I'm so sick of conversations with him, because if you are not into whatever he is into, there is simply nothing to talk about, and it quickly degenerates into a one way conversation.

After an uncomfortable quarter of an hour, my sister and niece mercifully showed up with my mother, and I no longer had to talk to him. I handed my mother the birthday card I picked out especially for her, and as soon as she opened the envelope, I knew I had made the right choice, because she immediately started laughing. Mom has always had a penchent for bathroom humor, and the card I got her had a picture of a pantless toddler, with fingers between butt cheeks. Inside, the card said, "To wish you a Happy Birthday, I needed a card, so I picked this one out just for you!"

As I suspected, getting a table on the Monday after New Years Day weekend was no problem, and we were all ushered back into the dining room. Menues were distributed and selections were made. We started with two appetizers. One of calamari, with broccoli and sweet peppers, with dips of seafood sauce and ranch dressing, and another of mushrooms stuffed with shredded shrimp and mozzarella. A couple of baskets of cheesy biscuits were also brought to the table. For me, the appetizers and the salad were the best part of the meal. I wish I could say the same for the entree that I picked. I've come to the conclusion, that when dining at Red Lobster, stick to the fried seafood because thats all they know how to do. I made the mistake of ordering a New York Strip steak, with lobster, shrimp and asparagus in a butter sauce over mashed potatoes. I was asked what kind of side order I wanted with it, and was given the choice of mashed potatoes (Nope, already getting them in the main course!), french fries (Why, would I want french fries when mashed potatoes are part of the main course?), or a baked potato (Again, why would I want baked potato, when I'm already getting mashed potatoes?). So I asked if I could get some other vegetable, and the waitress suggested broccoli, to which I said yes. When my order arrived it was delivered by another waiter, and my plate had my steak with two servings of mashed potatoes and no broccoli! There is no point in sending an order back in an establishment like that, because by the time you get your corrected order, you will either be dead from starvation, or all of your dinner companions will be on their desert.

When Red Lobster mentions butter in their menue description, rest assured that your meal will be swimming in at least a half a stick of melted butter. There will be no scrimping on the salt either. The result is that the flavor of the meal's individual components, will be completely obscured. A salty unctuousness will coat your tongue and palate, and that will be your lasting impression for hours afterward. My order was no exception. The one good thing about the meal, was that the medium rare steak was cooked perfectly. The sparse few pieces apragus, and the bits of lobster and shrimp were mostly consumed, along with half of the steak. Nearly all of the greasy, salty mashed potatoes were left on the plate, and the remaning half of the steak was taken home in a doggy bag.

In spite of it all, my 90 year old mother enjoyed her seafood platter and the company, and after all, that's what it was all about. Thankfully, for me at least, we only have to go to Red Slobster once a year!

Melissa XX

A New Year And A Big Thaw

2011-01-02T00:11:00.009-05:00

It's midnight as I write, and the outside temperature is nearly 58° F/14° C. I can hardly believe it! Our Christmas snow has vanished, and for the first time in well over a month, a sweltering heat has filled the house, necessitating the shutting down of all heating systems, lest I shrivel up like a prune, and eventually disintegrate into a desiccated pile of dust, in an armchair facing a blaring TV! I hope the balmy temperatures last. I know that my December electric bill is surely going to be a killer. A warmer January will be a welcome relief to my budget.

I watched some of the Rose Parade today. The level of detail on these floats is always very impressive, especially considering that they are clad entirely in fresh flowers! As impressive as they are, one can only watch so many floats, marching bands and drugstore cowboys on fancy mounts, before one gets bored. One of the channels I've been able to receive fairly regularly, runs a lot of old movies, so I switched over to it. What great fortune! They were running Moby Dick, Great Expectations and Wuthering Heights, one after the other today! I was glued to the set the entire afternoon! This production of Melville's Moby Dick, with Gregory Peck as Captain Ahab, has always been a favorite, but the 1946 production of Great Expectations, with John Mills as Pip, was absolutely the best! What a compelling story. I just love Dickens!

A deluxe bouquet of fresh flowers was delivered to my mother on Friday, in time for her 90th birthday on New Years Day! I received an email from my sister on Saturday, informing me that we are all to meet at Red Lobster on Monday evening, for Mom's birthday bash. There really is no accounting for taste. Red Lobster would never be my pick for such a momentous occasion, but it's Mom's party, so she gets to pick the venue, and I'm just fine with that.

Wishing all of you, a happy and prosperous New Year!

Melissa XX

1921 To 2010

2010-12-30T00:25:00.005-05:00

My mother is a New Year's baby! She was born on January 1st, 1921. On January 1st, 2010 she will turn 90 years old!

I love her, but we didn't always get along. In fact, until she discovered Zoloft about ten years ago, I couldn't stand to be around her. She was an absolute expert on everything, and had to be acknowledged as such, even when she was dead wrong. This led to so many arguments, and made her very unpleasant to be around.

The change in her personality, once she started taking Zoloft to regulate her moods, was remarkable. She was no longer the judgmental, confrontational shrew, that I fled home from, at the tender age of 17.

Today, mom is not much more enlightened than she ever was, but her obsession with having everyone agree with her is no longer there, and that makes her so much easier to get along with. Age has also humbled her. While living into one's 90's may bring respect, it also brings decrepitude. In mom's case that's chronic arthritis, the beginnings of macular degeneration, a general unsteadiness on her feet, and a whole host of other ailments, that require a bag full of meds. She is very obviously more tired than she was ten years ago, but she still keeps plugging away, preparing supper for us once a week, and on Thanksgiving and Christmas. She still drives her 1996 ruby red Mercury Marquis, but not much. After all these years, it still has under 15,000 miles on it. It's the best looking 15 year old car I have ever seen!

I just sent her a special bouquet of flowers, and tomorrow I will go out and get her a birthday card, and a gift certificate to her favorite book store. On Monday, my sister and my niece and I will be taking her to the restaurant of her choice, for a birthday meal. We decided to postpone it till after the weekend, so we wouldn't be competing for a table with the New Years Day crowd.

As we approach the New Year, let me take this time to wish you all well! For some of you, this coming year will finally mark your physical rebirth. Congratulations! For others it will mark your first anniversary as the person you always knew you should have been. Congratulations to you as well! Still, for so many others, it will mark yet another year of coping in the best way you can with the weird hand that mother nature has dealt you. Wherever you are, please be gentle with each other, and resist the urge to get ideas above your station. We truly are all in this together.

All the best to all of you in the New Year!

Melissa XX

TCM Remembers

2010-12-26T22:33:00.002-05:00

I love old movies, and Turner Classic Movies is in my opinion one of the best things that ever happened to television. At the end of each year, they produce a poignant video memorial to all those involved in the motion picture industry, that passed away that year. It always brings a tear to my eyes. I would embed it in my post if I could, but since I can't, here is a link to TCM Remembers. Have a look. If classic movies have ever made an impact on your life, I think you will enjoy it.

Melissa XX

Another Christmas Come And Gone

2010-12-25T22:35:00.013-05:00

Christmas at my mother's was short lived. A major coastal storm was brewing, and everyone wanted to get home before the roads got dangerous. It snowed all the way into Richmond, and all the way back out into the Piedmont on my return trip, but because VDOT crews had treated all the major roads in advance, the snow wasn't sticking to the highways yet. Today I'm afraid, will be another story as the storm moves off shore and intensifies, drawing in copious amounts of Atlantic moisture. Predictions for my neck of the woods aren't too bad. So far I've only got about 2 inches and a total of 3-5 inches is all that's expected, but Richmond could get as much as 7-8 inches before its all over tonight. The poor folks up in New England I'm afraid, are really going to get hammered, with anywhere from 1 to 2 feet of snow! This is shaping up to be a classic winter nor'easter.

Despite an early departure from Mom's condo, we all left with our bellies full, having had a sumptuous Christmas meal. The main course was roast turkey, but this unfortunate bird was apparently the victim of some horrible farm accident, because it came sans wings and legs! Still.....it's succulent breast meat was a perfect companion to the wonderfully seasoned stuffing, steamed asparagus, cole slaw, and mashed potatoes. My sister also made a cranberry and orange relish, and a delicious sweet potato casserole topped with pecans. Lemon meringue pie, and butter pecan ice cream topped it all off.

My sister was there, with her daughter, and so was my brother-in-law and his daughter. He hung around for dinner, although she didn't, preferring to have Christmas diner with the family of one of her friends. At just 22, she was 20 years younger than my other niece. Who could blame her for not wanting to spend Christmas evening with a bunch of old folks.

My brother-in-law was well behaved this time, except for one unfortunate incident. Despite protestations, he insisted on dropping his pants to show off the Christmas underwear his new girlfriend gave him!

I hope all of you had a good Christmas, and that you are all safe and warm!

Melissa XX

Important Stuff

2010-12-24T23:05:00.008-05:00

The Origins Of Bert And Ernie

Did the Sesame Street characters, Bert and Ernie get their names from the cop (Bert), and the cab driver (Ernie), in Frank Capra's holiday classic film, It's A Wonderful Life ? No one is confirming it, and it's probably just coincidence, but I'd sure like to think so.

Bert ( Ward Bond, from another film):

Ernie (Frank Faylen, as himself):

Here's hoping all of you have a wonderful life! Merry Christmas!

Melissa XX

Counting Down To Christmas

2010-12-21T23:13:00.008-05:00

There was a lunar eclipse last night. I didn't bother to watch it, because it was to happen in the wee hours of the morning. That was way past my bedtime and besides, I had already seen one before, so no big deal. Add the one I saw a year or so ago to the solar eclipse I saw when I was in high school sometime in 1963/64, various comets, Sputnik, and views of Saturn, Jupiter and the Jovian moons I saw through my telescope, and my life's card is marked with some pretty impressive celestial sights. Perhaps the most impressive though, was a naked eye view of the Norther Cross over the Atlantic on a full moonlit night, while sitting on top of a sand dune on Ocracoke Island one August night many years ago. The reflection of the nearly full moon on the ocean, accompanied by the blanket of stars that stood out so well, so many miles from civilization's light pollution, was truly a sight to behold. Of course an evening's banquet of steamed crabs we had caught that afternoon, an abundance of cold beer, and numerous inhalations of a smoldering cannabis cigarette being passed around by friends, only made it that much more pleasing an event.

I went to my mother's Monday night as always, and she had received the set of kitchen and steak knives I bought for her. For those of you unfamiliar with my mother's cutlery, it was good for cutting things like pudding, butter and jello, but not much else. She managed to saw through roasts, hams, and turkeys with a bread knife of all things! I suppose I have to give her marks for ingenuity, but really........sawing through a Thanksgiving turkey with a bread knife? I couldn't stand it, and had to do something about it, so I bought her a nice set of razor sharp stainless steel carving knives, for Christmas. Her first reaction was, "I can't open that package you sent me." OK, I can understand that, after all she does have arthritic hands, so I opened it for her, and unwrapped each knife and placed it in the accompanying wooden block.

"What made you think I've been needing this for a while now?" she asked. "Because I have seen you sawing through meat too many times, with a knife designed to cut bread!" I said. "But the bread knife works fine for me.", she said................

Oh well...........the best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry. I guess the old adage is right, "You can't can't teach an old dog new tricks". She will use them eventually I'm sure, and I'm equally sure she'll get used to them, once the idea that she didn't specifically request them wears off. She'll be ninety a week after Christmas, so I'm going to go easy on her. Anyone who makes it to that late in the game, deserves our deference.

While we haven't quite returned to normal temperatures, we have thawed somewhat, and I was finally able turn the heat down some. Tonight is the first in a month, that I haven't had the radient quartz heater in front of my chair turned up to full blast furnace mode! As I sit here typing, just one low wattage element is aglow, and the fan is not turned on at all! I'm keeping my finger crossed for Christmas, but right now the forecast is iffy. A nor'easter is supposed to develop off the coast of the Carolina's on Christmas Eve/Day, and roll on up the coast. Nor'easters are the mid-Atlantic's heavy dumpers during the winer months. Depending on the coastal track of the storm, and the inland temperatures, we could get anything from a wintery mix of ice and snow, to a full on winter snow storm. Christmas is at my mothers, 45 miles east of here in Richmond. There is an average 10°F difference between Richmond and out here in the Piedmont, that makes driving in wintery conditions extremely hazardous. Depending on when the storm hits Saturday, I may have to stay home. The narrow two lane roads out here in the Piedmont have no shoulders, and often have deep ditches to either side. They can be quite treacherous when iced up. I've crashed one vehicle when I didn't know any better, and lost control on black ice. I don't ever want that to happen again. There is nothing scarier than driving on down the road, and suddenly losing all traction. At that point, you have completely lost control, and become a passenger in a vehicle controlled by fate. Not a good position to be in.

I've noticed our once universally supportive Blogistan, slowly degenerating into a forum of divisiveness, ever since the appearance of a certain wily, yet extremely ill-mannered miscreant last summer. Please dear readers, do not be seduced by silver tongued narcissistic she-devils, who will manipulatively stroke your fragile ego in one breath, while verbally eviscerating one of your sisters in another. Even if you don't think you may be anything like those "others" that are being attacked, that never justifies supporting those who hurl their hideous invective at them.

On a further note. When you invite someone into your home, would you tolerate them verbally assaulting your other guests? I certainly wouldn't, so in that vein, I will no longer follow any blogger who allows anyone to insult me or any other commenter on their blog. This means it's up to you to monitor the comments on your blog, and delete all obviously spiteful comments made by others in a reasonable time frame, that are specifically directed at another individual commenter. If you are unwilling to do this, then no matter how long I have known you, or how well we have gotten along, I will depart your blog and have no further contact with you. I didn't come here to make enemies, I came here to share sympathies and support with like minded trans-folk, and I'm fed up with those who are obsessed with constantly drawing upon our differences, instead of embracing our similarities, which are absolutely abundant, whether they wish to admit them or not, and especially with those who obsequiously kowtow to manipulative bullies, in order to continue being stroked by them.

Peace and sisterhood to all of those who have it in their hearts to accept it.

Melissa XX

Twas The Week Before Christmas

2010-12-17T21:52:00.009-05:00

After a month of simply trying to stay warm.........(we've been under the influence of what seems to be a never ending wave of polar air, with nighttime lows dropping to as low as 11°F/-11° C)......I had neglected my personal grooming, and I had begun to slowly ressemble that furry beast of yore. That's a bit of hyperbole actually, as the constant epilation has significantly reduced the total number of body hairs, and left the ones that remained much finer. Nevertheless, I was sprouting once again, and feared going to seed!

We seem to have entered a bit of a thaw. The mercury made it all the way up to 38°F/3°C today, so after clearing yesterday's three inches of snow from my deck, steps, and truck, I made my way up to the mail box out on the highway, and then back down to the house for a shower, followed by a long overdue full body epilation. It only took an hour to do my entire body from my neck to my ankles. That's how much my body hair has been reduced by regular epilation. No wonder that electrologists tell you to stop waxing or using an epilator. More hairs for them to take care of......and charge you for! I first noticed this phenomenon decades ago, after I began to tweeze my eyebrows. After a while, I noticed that some of the hairs were not growing back. This was especially true of the hairs between my eyes, above the bridge of my nose, and the hairs that used to wrap around the outside corners of my eyes. Today they are all gone for good. In effect, the constant plucking had enabled me to permanently achieve a much more naturally feminine brow line. Later I would discover this same phenomenon on my legs, and eventually on my entire body.

So............the lesson to be learned boys and girls, is that constant hair plucking weakens, and in some cases even eliminates hairs! If I had know that, I would have started waxing my face as soon as the peach fuzz began to appear!

Anyway...........I am now completely hairless once again, and it feels absolutely wonderful!

As I type, I am listening to the Nutcracker on my local NPR station. I love the music, but regret to say that I have never even once seen the ballet! Oh, I've see snippets of various productions on TV. Those are unavoidable this time of year, but I have never sat in a theater, and actually watched the entire performance unfold before my eyes on stage. Am I a sad case, or what?

Christmas is right around the corner, and I bought my mother a brand new set of kitchen knives, on-line, and had them sent by UPS, to her condo on the tenth floor of her twelve story apartment building. Last Monday I told her to expect a package, but to be extremely careful with it, if she decided to open it before Christmas, as she could easily injure herself on it. She asked me what it was, and all I would tell her was that it was something that she had been needing for a long time. Any woman who carves a turkey, a roast, or a ham with a bread knife, because all of her older knives are too dull, too rusty, and of no use to her anymore other than as butter spreaders, needs a new set of sharps for her kitchen!

Other than in some pictures I have shared with her, my sister has never once seen me en femme, yet for the second year in a row now, I have received a Christmas card from her addressed to Melissa! Isn't she just the sweetest?

As I said earlier, we have been under the chilling influence of a seemingly permanent wave of Canadian arctic air, (thank you very much Halle, and others in the frozen wastelands north of our border). For the past month, temperatures have been 10-15 degrees below average for this time of year. I live in an all electric home, so I am not looking forward to my next electricity bill! Last month's bill was shocking enough, and it hadn't even gotten cold then. The pond at the bottom of the hill out back has completely frozen over, and the barren wooded hillsides of my subdivision, are now covered in snow. Cruel winter has set in with an utter lack of regard to personal comfort, yet still, there is a stark sort of beauty to winter's bleakness. Tonight I gazed out the window, and the moon light had the snow covered woods set all aglow! If you had a mind to, and you were sufficiently bundled up to ward off the cold night air, you could easily navigate your way through the woods by moonlight alone. What hearty creatures the squirrels, raccoons, o'possums, foxes, deer, turkey, and all of the other creatures of the wild must be, to survive such harsh conditions. It makes me respect them all that much more, and wonder how anyone could kill them, unless their life depended on their meat for their survival. Obviously I am not into hunting for sport. It just seems like such a sacrilege!

A week from today it will be Christmas. I don't claim to be religious, let alone a Christian. I am agnostic, yet there is something about the Christian tradition at this time of year that will always appeal to my heart. It is one of two times on the ecclesiastical calendar, where judgement of the human condition is put aside through divine grace, and the unlikely prospect of human perfection is celebrated. What's not to like about that? So in that vein, let me wish you all a very Merry & Peaceful Christmas, and in the words of the one who's birthday we are about to celebrate, "judge not, lest ye be judged......."

Peace on Earth,

Melissa XX

Brrrrrrrrrrr..............It's Been Cold!

2010-12-09T23:57:00.011-05:00

The night before last, the mercury dipped to 12°F/-11 °C! I was looking at pictures of Caroline's neighborhood on her blog, and also reading on the web, that Scotland had to call out the Army to help clear the roads of the copious snows that have been blanketing them! My first impression was, "There, but for the mercy of Mother Nature go I". With weather this cold, all it takes to bury us in six inches to a foot or more of snow, is a random nor'easter sliding up the east coast, and pulling in Atlantic moisture. A massive low pressure system in the northeast is already wrapping around the Great Lakes, pulling moisture out of them, and blanketing adjacent states with what is known here as "lake effect snow". After a brief respite from frigid temperatures this weekend, the forecast is calling for more arctic weather next week. While sub freezing temperatures are by no means unknown in these parts, the mid-Atlantic states are generally known for their mild winters, with average daytime temperatures a good 20° F higher than what we've been experiencing.

I once had a neighbor years ago when I lived back in town, who had a house full if cats. She had no job at all. She also had no water, no electricity, and no heat, other than from what she could burn in her coal fireplace. I would occasionally leave her a bag of coal, so she could have a nights fire, but I'm sure she had burned most if not all of the furniture in her house, and anything else that was flammable.

I used to pass by her house at night, on my walks to the local grocery store. I could see her through her uncurtained windows, some of her cats sleeping on the window sills, and others walking about the table where she would sit, surrounded by stacks of old newspapers, while reading by candlelight in her darkened house, that she had inherited from her father years earlier.

Her name was Grace, and she was a neighborhood fixture, often coming up to you as you walked down the street, and asking if you could spare a few dollars. I always gave her something. She was very well informed from all of the reading that she did, and you could actually have some interesting conversations with her about politics and current events, but she was also quite mad. One day while walking down the street, a friend and I ran into Grace, and she immediately began asking us if we had heard about the alien women, who were seducing young earth males, and then eating them, once they had them in their clutches! My friend and I laughed all the way home after that one.

One year as Christmas approached, my heart felt heavy for Grace being all alone. She had no family, so I knew that no one was going to be giving her anything for Christmas, so I bought her one of those Wisconsin samplers. You've all seen them. They're the ones with the variety of cheeses, ham, summer sausage, nuts, etc. I gift wrapped it, and left it on her door step very late on Christmas Eve, with a card saying, "With love from Santa."

Grace was eventually evicted from her house, which was condemned by the city, and forced to live in an institutionalized setting that she hated. Her dilapidated house was claimed by the city for owed back taxes, and then sold on the cheap to yuppies, who fully renovated it. I never saw Grace again after that, and every Christmas I wonder how she is doing, or if she is even still alive. As for her house, it is now a glowing exhibition of bourgeois charm, but for me, that will never be as appealing, as the uncurtained, candle lit hovel, of the neighborhood cat lady.

Melissa XX

Death On The Highway

2010-12-07T05:04:00.003-05:00

I was making my way home from my mother's last night, and all was well until I got about 11 miles from my exit off the Interstate Highway. Suddenly all I saw was brake lights coming on in front of me, and then we were all at a dead stop. About a mile up ahead, I could see a blue strobe light flashing, and what looked like high intensity flood flights. Was it an accident, or night road maintenance? If it was a road crew repaving a lane, we would be slowed down to a crawl, as both lanes merged into one until the construction was passed, but instead the Interstate had become a parking lot. After several minutes of standing still, the line would move two or three car lengths, only to come to a grinding halt again. There was an exit about a mile ahead, just about where the blue strobe was flashing. My plan was to exit there, and drive about a mile to the south to access an old two lane US highway, that would take me the ten miles further west to my rural neighborhood. It took about 30 minutes to travel that one mile, and when I got there, I discovered that the Interstate was completely shut down, and all traffic was getting off at that exit. There was a horrific accident between the off ramp and the on ramp at that interchange. Traffic was able to exit on the off ramp, and reenter the highway on the on ramp. As I reentered the highway, I looked to my left, and saw several emergency vehicles and two fire engines. In the left lane, facing the wrong way, was a burned out car, with the entire driver's side skin ripped off. My heart sank when I saw it. Later on the news, my suspicions were confirmed, when I learned that there was a confirmed death in that crash. Only a few days earlier, as I stopped at out local country store to pick up few things, a flat bed wrecker was parked out front with another passenger car on it, that had the driver side doors ripped off. The roof was caved in, and a wilted airbag laid draping over the driver's seat. Talking to the clerk in the store, I learned that the woman driving the car fell asleep at the wheel and ran off the Interstate, just two mile west of where I live. She was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I have no idea as to what her fate was, but after seeing her crumpled car, I'm sure she didn't fair well.

Winter is here dear readers. Snow and ice make roads treacherous. When conditions are dangerous, please stay off the roads if you can, but if you have to go out, take extra care. Drive slow, leave plenty of distance between you and others, and watch out for black ice! Also, if road conditions are wet, or slippery, never use cruise control!

Melissa xx

The First Snow Arrives

2010-12-05T06:21:00.002-05:00

Although the Solstice has yet to arrive, the first snow has, but unlike my unfortunate sisters in the UK, and parts west of here in the US, and of course my lovely Canuck sisters north of the border (All of you, poor sweet dears!), this time it was just a light coating. Sorry if it sounds like I'm rubbing it in. I certainly don't mean to, but this is my kind of snow! Here today, gone tomorrow! A pretty white sugary sprinkling, as if sugarplum fairies had just dusted everything down overnight. Nothing at all like the horrid + one foot dumpings of heavy wet snow that we had three times last winter, toppling trees and knocking out power, so that I had to hunker down next to a kerosene heater to stay warm, while listening to a battery powered radio, and eating soup cooked on a camp stove. I'll have none of that this winter, thank you very much! At least not if my luck holds out, (knock on wood!).

They say a new broom sweeps clean, and that's exactly what my new broom did this week, as I swept the last of the fallen leaves and acorns off of the deck. Fortunately a broom will be all that is needed to sweep the night's snow off the deck and steps tomorrow. I'm glad I got all of the fallen leaves off of the deck before the first snow, otherwise I would be shoveling the deck off tomorrow.

I received the most wonderful news today! My friend Brittany Lynn Roche (A Day In The Life Of A Texas Transsexual) is now situated in a residence house in Montreal, awaiting GRS by Dr. Pierre Brassard next Tuesday! It seems like only yesterday that I got to know her, as she detailed her torturous sessions at Electrology 3000 in Dallas, Texas, where they would inject her face with 36 lidocaine shots, and proceed to remove all of her facial hair in one sitting! Her poor face was so swollen afterward, that she woud have to sleep upright for the next several days! She would go back for this same grueling torture, at least another dozen times before her face was devoid of hair. But it was worth it, because today, she looks perfectly lovely! All the best to her, as she undergoes and recovers from her surgery. If you would like to send her an email, her address is located in her blog profile at the link I highlighted above. I'm sure she would love to hear from you.

It's hard to believe that Christmas is only 20 days away. It always amazes me the way the holidays sneak up on you after the Autumnal Equinox. First comes Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and before you know it, Christmas and New Years Day are here! It all happens way too fast for me. This is especially true since I have become older. Time passes by so much more quickly! When I was a child, school would start in the fall, and it seemed like forever until Christmas arrived. Not so today!

My mother will turn 90 a week after Christmas, and my sister and niece had a notion of throwing a big catered party for her, but last week she said she did not want a big party, so I suggested we just take her out for dinner, and she seemed to like that idea much more. Frankly I do too. Special times like that, are better spent with those closest to you, than a wider circle of acquaintances, who are just there for the party. Now the question is, where do we take her? Her usually choice is Red Lobster, or Red Slobster as my sister, the comedian likes to say. I must confess that I agree with her, since nearly everything on the menu is dripping in melted butter and way over salted. I'm more incline to taking her to a local privately owned restaurant, where the food is cooked from fresh ingredients, instead of a franchise, where microwaving pre-packed, overly salted frozen crap is the norm. The thing is Mom seems to love those kinds of restaurants, but then again she takes an abundance of meds to counteract all the bad stuff they serve. Yes, Mom is a finely tuned chemical experiment

I can't embed the following video, but you can still watch it on Youtube at this addresshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrwtSrdFTyY. Of course it's one of my favorites by Gustaf Mahler, but forget about the music this time, and just watch the lovely people playing the instruments that they love so much, and doing it so wonderfully.

Melissa XX

All Is Well Here In The Piedmont

2010-12-02T00:18:00.006-05:00

All quiet on the East Coast tonight. I survived the passing of the cold front last night, with no tornados, and just a bit of wind and rain. A line of severe weather passed through at about 3:00 AM last night, and some high winds blew out power lines in the county just west of here. As a result, the power went out at about 3:15 AM, and stayed out for about four hours. That used to leave me incommunicado, but with this new Macbook, battery power keeps me going, even when the power goes out! Four hours later when the power came back on, I still had half of my battery reserve left.

The temperature at this time last night, was 62° F, and right now it's 30°F, and is expected to descend into the mid 20's tonight. 30-40 degree temperature shifts within a 24 hour period are not uncommon here, but they do create havoc. Now that winter is setting in, that should happen less, but we've been know to have volatile weather like this into January. I didn't get to bed until after 7:00 AM yesterday moring, but who cares? I'm retired! It just seemed a little bit strange, eating breakfast at 1:30 PM!

For those of you who remember Helen Chapel, she is back blogging again, after a lengthy absence. She is a very sweet girl, and I'm sure she would love to hear from you. You can link to her blog here.

It's been so nice to get all of the comments and emails of support recently. I don't like to get into arguments with people, especially over gender issues, but sometimes you just have to stand up for what you know in your heart is right, regardless of what even some dear friends might think. Frankly I'd rather not even discuss these things, but it seems to be the obsession of some here lately. I'm going to try and avoid these sorts of discussions from now on, because they only serve to drive a wedge between us, and especially some of those we hold dear. This is something that obsessed interlopers don't understand. What we have in common, has always far outweighed that which separates us. How tragic, that some would divy us up, for their own self interests.

Let me make something perfectly clear. I don't believe in orthodoxy. Never have, and never will. You are all my sisters, and I have nothing but the greatest love and respect for all of you, regardless of where you sit on the gender spectrum. I will always take offense at anyone, who judges, belittles, or demeans you in any way, shape or form, either by direct verbal assault, or more obliquely, through sarcasm. None of you deserve that kind of disrespect.

Well, here I am, up until after 3:00 AM again! I suppose that's the consequence of not getting up until after 1:00 PM, but what the hell? I'm retired, and I don't have to get up at the bell anymore! So, hurrah for that!

Thinking sweet thoughts of all of you! (Well..........most all of you, anyway! I'm only human after all!)

Melissa XX

I'm On A Tornado Watch Tonight

2010-11-30T23:03:00.008-05:00

I watched the anual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show tonight. No tornados there, but the fashions were great, the girls were all gorgeous, and Katy Perry (the girl who kissed a girl) was her usual adorable self, rocking out her dance tunes. It was a fun hour of TV, as the girls strutted their stuff up and down the long runway, in front of the likes of Paris Hilton, Adrian Grenier, and Debbie Harry, but there was one thing that constantly gnawed at my stomach the whole time I watched them. Those girls are sooooo skinny! The poor things! Where do they keep them between shows..........in a concentration camp? Thin is good, but emaciated is not! You could count the ribs on some of them! I wanted to take them all out to Ruby Tuesdays, for great big juicy cheeseburgers and steak fries after the show!

There is a nasty cold front pushing its way east tonight, that has left a wake of destruction in its path, and being surrounded by tall trees out here in the wilderness, it has me be a bit worried. I can tell by the sound of the wind gusts rushing through the trees tops, that the wind is already picking up out in front of the front. Temperatures east of the front have been unseasonably high, while temperature on the back side of the front are much more wintery. With the warm humid air, that comes up north from Gulf of Mexico and the southeast Atlantic coast, this is usually a recipe for disaster. Disaster in the form of strong thunderstorms, micro bursts, and tornados, caused by a collision of the two fronts. It all reminds me of a scene from an old Woody Allen Movie, where he was living in an old, poorly heated apartment. He complained that when he took a hot shower, the warm front coming from the bathroom, would meet the cold font coming from the living room, and he would have thundershowers in the hallway!

Here's Katy Perry, making us all feel like we're living a teenage dream:

Melissa XX

The Monday Night Report

2010-11-30T05:39:00.002-05:00

Another Monday evening has passed and as always, it was taken up with a visit to my mother's condo in Richmond, for supper with my octogenarian, and soon to be nonagenarian mother, my dear sweet sister, and my absolutely adorable niece. It was our great fortune, that my brother-in law was not there again tonight. Having finally gotten over the loss of our sister, he has become attracted to another woman, and their plans appear to be superseding ours. All of us wish him the best, but are secretly happy that he is slowly separating himself from us.(If you find this relationship puzzling, email me and I'll clue you in.) Unfortunately that means his already aloof daughter will be even more estranged. That's truly a shame, because she's such a dear, but at 22 she has an active social life of her own, and I clearly remember my own desire to separate myself from anyone over 30 at that age, so C'est La Vie!

After the big spread that Mom laid out just last Thursday for Thanksgiving, I didn't expect an elaborate meal this evening, and of course I was right. Tonight it was just a simple tossed salad, and some home baked frozen pizza, but I did make sure to rob Mom's freezer, for some Butter Pecan ice cream, while the rest enjoyed Key Lime Pie, for desert!

When I got there tonight, my sister was already there, and my niece was curled up under the covers on my mother's bed, in a semi fetal position. The poor baby had just undergone a DNC this afternoon, (That's a Dusting and Cleaning, for any males who happen to be snooping in here!), and she was still recovering from the anesthesia. The poor thing had to go without eating for nearly a day, so that there would be no complications during her procedure, and she was absolutely starved by suppertime. The trouble was, her doctor said no greasy food, so pepperoni and cheese pizza was out for her. Fortunately, Mom had a can of chunky beef soup that she heated up for her, and she did enjoy a piece of the Key Lime Pie!

I can't even tell you how much I adore my niece! I love her dearly! She is such a sweet girl, and she is so naturally funny, because she has virtually no inhibitions. My sister (in her wisdom) allowed her to be whoever she wanted to be, while growing up, and it shows! Never having to hide any part of oneself while growing up, will give you that kind of self-confidence, and make you so much more approachable. My niece is one of the most approachable people I know! I just love her!

After supper, we pulled up the flash mob video, of the choir singing the Halleluja Chorus in the shopping mall food court, from Simone's blog a couple of days ago, and mom just loved it! Isn't that video just wonderful? I must have gone back to it at least a dozen times, after first seeing it! The choir that got together to do it, did such an excellent job of not only choreographing the event, but their singing was just excellent!

While writing this, I've been listening to various CD's tonight, from Jethro Tull's Aqualung, to Bob Dylan's Highway 61 Revisited, and then finally on to Paul McCartney's Wingspan! Being a rabid Beatles fan, I was so happy that Paul and Linda continued the musical tradition of the Beatles for another decade! This of course does nothing to diminish the accomplishments of Dylan and Ian Anderson. I'll never forget the evening, that I sat in dumbstruck wonder, and watched the magnificent Ian Anderson play his flute, while perched on one leg like a crane, with his magnificent band, Jethro Tull, at the Mosque in Richmond, back in the early seventies! One of those wonderful memories that will be forever be etched into my psyche!

Never let anyone tell you who, or what you are! The fact is, our life's narrative is uniquely our own. Regardless of how others choose to define us, our definition belongs to us, and us alone! We alone define who we are!

Melissa XX

The Seven Deadly Sins Of Narcissism

2010-11-30T00:44:00.003-05:00

The following was taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcisism. Of course the curse of Narcissism, is that the Narcissist is incapable of recognizing the following signs within themself, and in fact will call on their wiles to vehemently and skillfully deny them.

Narcissism's Seven Deadly Sins

Shamelessness - Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking - Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance - A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

Envy - A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

Entitlement - Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

Exploitation - can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad Boundaries - narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

Melissa XX

A Wonderful Link

2010-11-27T00:14:00.002-05:00

I don't know how many of you are following Simone's blog, but if you aren't, then you just have to see the video in her latest post. It is absolutely wonderful!

Melissa XX

Thanksgiving: 2010

2010-11-26T06:26:00.005-05:00

I just learned something very important about Blogger's text editor tonight..........DO NOT HIT RETURN TWICE, RIGHT AFTER ENTERING THE TITLE OF YOUR POST! Doing so will post your title as your entire post, even though you haven't yet entered a single syllable in the main body of you post. Hmmm...........so that explains my numerous blank, titled posts. Apparently I have fingers with a mind of their own. Got to get them under control!

Today started out real lazy. I went to bed last night at 1:30 AM, and once in bed, I watched the last half hour of Laurel and Hardy's movie, March Of The Wooden Soldiers, aka, Babes In Toyland. Laurel and Hardy have to be two of my favorite old time comedians. I don't think I every saw a movie of their's, that didn't make me laugh. I remember one of their movies in particular, that I just roared too. I'm sorry, but I can't remember the name of the movie off hand, but the scene that made me laugh so hard, was when they checked into a boarding house, where their very strict landlord forbade any cooking in their room. They were both very hungry, and had no money to buy a meal, but they had somehow acquired a nice large fish that could feed the two of them. The trouble was, they had no means to cook it. Then as Laurel and Hardy always do, they came up with a harebrained scheme. They decided to remove the mattress from their bed, and place a candle under the wire bedsprings, and use them as a grill! Ingenious, or completely insane? I'll go for completely insane, but I still love to laugh at them!

In spite of turning the lights out at 2:00 AM, I woke up at 6:00 AM, because I had to pee. I blame that on drinking diet cola right up until bedtime. When will I ever learn? I mean, I'm only 62 years old. You'd think I would know better by now! Well anyway, I got up and went to the bathroom, then hopped back into bed, thinking I would fall right back to sleep.

Nuh-uh! My brain had other plans. I laid there for another hour and a half, and every time I thought I was about to nod back out, my brain would assume the role of the "sleep nazi"............."No sleep for you!" Finally at 7:00 AM, I got tired of fighting the sleep nazi, and got up. I hated it! ? Sitting on the toilet to pee once more, I envisioned that little brown shirted bastard, grinning at me!

Finished with peeing, I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Considering that I only had about four hours of sleep, I was going to need it! As the coffee brewed, I boiled some water in my Sunbeam Hot Shot, and then pored it over a mixture of oat bran, and a bit of Kellogg's All Bran, a sprinkling of cinnamon, and three packets of Splenda artificial sweetener. As a type II diabetic, I always eschew natural sugars, either as a main ingredient, or an additive. Not just because they have too many simple carbohydrates, but too many totally unnecessary calories as well.

As the hot water began to be absorbed by the dry cereal, I put about two teaspoons of Smucker's sugar free Blackberry Jam into a bowl with two packets of Splenda (artificial sweetener) and mixed in a cup of low fat yogurt. A half of banana sliced onto the top of the oat/all bran, and breakfast was served, with a fresh cup of coffee!

As usual when I am sleep deprived, about an hour or two after breakfast, I feel like going back to bed, but at this point is was mind over matter, and I was determined to stay up. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was about to start, and I certainly couldn't allow that to pass, without at least making an attempt to watch it. And watch it I did, until lunchtime finally arrived. By lunch time the distraction of the parade was over, and I began to feel the effects of just four hours of sleep the night before. As the afternoon progressed, I gradually became more alert, and then it was shower time, so I could get ready to go o my mother's. My new well pump and pressure tank appear to give me more consistant water pressure than what I was used to in the past. With the old system, the water pressure would noticeably cycle up and down, as the pressure tank charged up and discharged, but apparently the guy who installed the new one, set the limits on the pressure switch to much closer specs, because the drop and increase in pressure as the pressure tank discharges and recharges is barely noticeable.

Anyway...........after a shower, it was time to hop into the Dakota, and drive the 45 miles on into Richmond. While driving, I listen to NPR (National Public Radio), by far the best radio in the the US, unless you are looking for contemporary music, but unquestionably the best for more sophisticated music, and certainly as a source of objective, domestic and world news coverage. Driving from the Piedmont into Richmond there was a noticeable climate shift. I'm about 30 miles east of the Blue Ridge Mountains, while Richmond is about 75 miles east and considerably further south. The distance is not all that great, yet their is a great contrast in the foliage between where I live, and in Richmond proper. The Trees out where I live are now stripped bare, with the exception of the occasional White Oak and maybe one or two others that I can't identify. Many of the trees in Richmond however, still have their leaves, and color. Chalk that up to an approximately 10 ° average differential in winter time temperatures, between Richmond and the western Piedmont.

When I arrived at my mother's, I parked the Dakota in one of the parking places on the perimeter of the lot, that were designated for guests only. I had just gotten out of the Dakota, and was walking through the parking lot, when I heard a horn honking. I turned to see who it was, and it was my niece and her boyfriend pulling in behind me, in her brand new, 20 year old Volvo station wagon, that she bought for $800.00 a couple of months ago. (Hey! Don't laugh! It still runs, and after 20 years of bike riding, and hitching rides with friends and family, it might as well be a Cadillac to her! I hope she gets many more years out of it, and that its never stolen.)

Anyway......I let them park, and I proceeded to the building. Mom lives on the tenth floor of a 12 story high rise apartment building. You can't just walk in, you have to be identified by the desk clerk looking at your image on closed circuit TV. Usually they recognize me, and as soon as I approach the electronic door, they open it for me, but Ed, the regular desk clerk had the holiday off, and his substitute was and older woman. Quite older actually. She may even be an elderly resident. She has seen me dozens of times over the years, but I still always have to identify myself into the speaker, before she will let me in. No problem, she's just doing her job, I mean after all, I could be the Boston Strangler, come down south for a change of venue! Now, if she wanted to give the sort of sexually invasive pat down that TSA (Transportation Security Agency) agents are now giving to airline passengers here in the US, then I think I would have to protest!

Entering the lobby of Mom's condo, I waved hello to the old lady at the desk, and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving, I'll have to remember to ask mom what her name is, so I can address her personally the next time I see her pulling guard duty on a holiday. I might even want to bring her some kind of little holiday gift, for being so sweet as to substitute for Ed on his holidays. She seemed to be quite delighted when I acknowledged her upon entering the lobby, and I wished her a happy Thanksgiving! She then wished me the same in return, and onto the elevator I went, and I pushed the button for floor #10. In no time I was stepping off the elevator, and taking the left turn down the hallway to Mom's apartment at the very end. Being politically liberal, I'm so glad that she didn't choose one of those awful apartments in the right wing of the building instead! ;-)

As it is she hads wonderful neighbors, although her next door neighbor has a claustrophobic friend, that insists she keep her door open whenever she visits, so many times when I walk by, and her door is wide open, and the two of them are sitting in there, simply enjoying each other's company. Mom says she has talked to her neighbor, an discovered, that her friend once OD'd on some sort of psychedelic drugs, and her brain is addled. I don't believe it. My guess is that it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with illicit drugs, I came of age in the late sixties and early seventies. We all did illicit drugs by the handfull. Only those who were already unstable to begin with, had a permanent problem, and the drugs didn't cause it.

On to Mom's at the end of the hall. I used the key that she gave me to enter her apartment. Mmmm..........can there be any nicer incense, than the scent of a roasting turkey with stuffing, a sweet potato casserole, and freshly baked Pumpkin Pie. Hmm.....hmm!

Right on my heels, My niece and her boyfriend came in. I exchanged warm hugs with her, and politely greeted him. I hadn't met him before, but he turned out to be a rather nice, mild mannered sort, that played guitar in a heavy metal band. Quite a contrast to my egomaniacal former brother-in-law, who to our secret delight, had opted to have Thanksgiving with some old friends of his!

We had a wonderful time together! My soon to be 90 year old mom, who is normally a tea totaler, had two glasses of Riesling, and became wonderfully giddy! My niece , while perfectly sober, is so much fun to be around, because he is just so naturally uninhibited, and my sister and I just seem to connect on a very subtle humorous level. Often just a word or certain look will propel us into laughter! It's aways been there, but I feel this connection between us is more acute, since I came out to her over a year ago! The same goes for my niece! While I have always loved them both dearly, I always felt like I had to hold back a significant portion of my personality when I was around them. Now that they both know the full story, and have even seen many pics of me, It's so much easier to let down my guard when I'm around them.

I have noticed another significant change in my relationships with family members. Now, right off the bat I want to emphasize that I dearly loved my twin sister, who departed a little over a year ago, but god love her, she had a personality, that put her in front of every one else. She was without a doubt, Mom's pet, and as such, recieved amazing forgiveness of sins. Now don't get me wrong. My twin was not a mean rotten sister by any means, she was just spoiled rotten, and consequently she gave little consideration to others, except when she wanted to for her own reasons. She was never deliberately rude to anyone, and she would have been appalled by anyone who was, but because she was so spoiled, she often didn't even consider the thoughts or feelings of others. She simply assumed that everyone else was on her wavelength. I never blamed that on her, I blamed it on my mom, who made a pet out of her, instead of a daughter. So.......anyway, when she was alive, she used to dominate the conversation between my mother, my older sister, and my niece if she was there. I couldn't get a word in edgewise, and was relegated to conversing with my brother-in-law, with whom I had little if anything in common. But a while after my twin was no longer able to dominate our narrative, I came out to my older sister and my niece, and ever since, we three have had a much stronger bond. I no longer feel like I have to compete with my twin to be part of the conversation, and I enjoy my time with my older sister, mother and niece, so much more. I'm sorry to say, that the passing of my twin has brought me closer to the rest of my family, but it has.

Melissa XX

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T19:04:00.012-05:00

Tomorrow I will be driving into Richmond for Thanksgiving with my mother, my sister, and my niece and her boyfriend. My late sister's husband will not be coming this year, since he made plans to go to spend Thanksgiving with some old friends of his. Everyone is secretly happy that he won't be there.

Yesterday I went on line, to find an appropriate holiday centerpiece for mom's table. I settled on a wicker cornucopia filled with colorful autumn flowers and leaves. It always amazes me how much it costs to send flowers theses days. A simple arrangement that list's for $39.99, will end up costing you over $60.00 after shipping, handling, rush delivery, and taxes are added in. Mom always tells me not to bother, because of the cost, but I always send her centerpieces for Thanksgiving and Christmas anyway, because I know how much she enjoys displaying them on her table. She kept last Christmas's evergreen centerpiece on her table for several months after Christmas. It was so dry by then, that it would have burst into flames, if a lit match came within an inch of it. I finally told her, she should either throw it away, or have it encased in a block of plastic!

Yesterday I also finally got around to installing the cover over the opening to my crawl space. After 21 years of exposure to the elements, the existing wooden framing and cover had almost completely rotted away. When I started to pull it out, two pieces of cinder block, supported by the top piece of framing fell out, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to completely seal the hole. Fortunately I had the piece of 1/2" pressure treated plywood that I got last week, cut large enough to cover the additional space that those two pieces of block took up. I drilled three holes on each side of the cover, then used a masonry bit to drill three corresponding wholes in the cinderblock on each side of the opening. Then it was just a matter of simply fastening the cover to the block with self-tapping masonry screws. It was a bit hard drilling into the block, because I couldn't find my relatively new DeWalt 3/4" drill motor, and I had to use a 35 year old Black & Decker 1/2" drill motor, that sounded like an old hand held electric mixer, and had about the same power. It did the job, but took some time, and I worked up a pretty good sweat keeping enough pressure on it to get the drill to penetrate the block. Once the holes were drilled, putting the screws in was a breeze using a nut driver to start them, and a socket and ratchet to tighten them down. The cover fit good and tight, and it won't be going anywhere, without using a wrench to take it loose. Hopefully it will help keep the mice out too, but I won't count on that. Eventually they always seem to find a way to get in. It was wet and muddy under the deck, so you can imagine what I looked like after crawling under there on my hands an knees, and spending 45 minutes sitting in front of the opening. When I was done, I was covered in mud, and wet all the way through my underwear. I'm thankful that's all over with!

I got the bill last week for the well pump, well pipe, and pressure tank replacement. It was just $126 short of $2000! If I had hired a carpenter to reframe the opening and install a new cover, I probably woud have had to add another $300-$400. My fix cost me just $45 in materials, and about an hour of sweat.

The following is a video on the history of Thanksgiving. I hope yours is a happy one!

Melissa XX

Getting Down To Business

2010-11-22T02:09:00.006-05:00

Winter will soon be setting in, and I needed to secure the opening to my crawl space, where the well and pump contrator replaced my pressure tank. For those of you hooked up to municipal water supplies, when you are on a well, you need a a pressure tank to keep your pump from running continuously. The tank holds twenty gallons of water, and has a rubber membrane inside, that expands as the tank is filled, and provides water pressure to faucets, toilets, shower heads, and washing machines. When the tank reaches maximum pressure, a pressure switch turns off the pump, and the tension on the rubber membrane provides water pressure to the various taps in the house. When the pressure declines to a fixed point, the pressure switch turns the pump back on, and the tank is recharged with well water, so you always have adequate water pressure. It all works quite well, as long as everything is in order.

With cold weather coming on, I needed to get the opening to my crawlspace covered, so that freezing cold air does not blow on the tank and associated pipes and valves. I measured the opening, and determined that a 26" x 30" piece of pressure treated plywood could be fastened over the opening with masonry screws, and thereby keep me from having to hire a a carpenter to reframe the opening, and construct a replacement cover, which had rotted away after 21 years. So I drove into Richmond yesterday, and went to Lowe's ( a big box hardware store ), and got them to cut cut me the appropriate size piece of pressure treated plywood, which by the way those mercenary SOB's charged me the price of a full sheet of plywood for, even though it was less than a quarter of a sheet! I also got some masonry screws, an appropriate size masonry drill bit, and a new broom, since my 18 year old straw broom has seen better days. I'm thinking of donating my old broom to a certain witch, who seems to delight in tormenting selected bloggers in our little trans blogger community. Maybe she can use it to fly somewhere far, far away! Of course she won't. She is far too pathologically obsessed, to refrain from stalking sites where she has clearly been told she is not welcome.

I didn't do much tonight. I just sat in front of the TV, and watched PBS. Globe Trekker came on first at 7:00 PM, and gave us a glimpse of Paris, especially it's history, including the revolution and the Bastille, and a bit of an insight into the last days of Marie Antoinette, before her beheading. Her story always reminds me of the hilarious cartoon that Gary Larson of the Far Side once drew. He was one of the best cartoonists ever, and he depicted a terrified Marie Antoinette being hauled up the steps to the Guillotine, screaming, "And ice cream! I said, let them eat cake, and ice cream!"

Next came a Masterpiece Theater Contemporary show on John Lennon. I'm sorry I watched it, because I love John Lennon, and it seemed to focus way too much on his acerbic side, making him seem like a heartless SOB. But how could anyone who wrote Imagine be anything but full of love?

After that came a documentary on how the Russian youth's love of the Beatles' banned music, undermined Soviet propaganda, and helped bring down the Soviet system! It seems that back in the 60's, Russian teens were just as crazy about the Beatles, as western kids were, but they weren't permitted to buy their music, so they tuned into Radio Luxembourg, and recorded it on tape. I remember Radio Luxembourg well, because I was living in Frankfurt/am Main in the mid 60's, and the British pirate radio station, Radio Luxembourg was Europe's American military dependent's only good source of rock'n'roll. We loved it, because they even played their commercials in Rock'n'Roll! Armed Forces Network only played easy listening music back then, and the German stations played all German music, so Radio Luxembourg was not only a godsend to Russian kids, but to us as well! Anyway, the tradition lives on, and many Beatles cover bands exist in Russia, and the younger generations seem to love them as much as their parents. I wonder if those four boys from Liverpool, ever had any idea of how much of an impact they would eventually have on the world?

America's Thanksgiving is coming up this Thursday, so my sister, myself, my niece, and her new rock' n' roll band boyfriend, will be gathering at my mother's condo in Richmond on Thursday, to partake in roast Turkey, and all the trimmings. It sure will be nice, if my mother can refrain from making negative remarks about his long hair. Hopefully that will be the case. Zoloft seems to have mellowed her temperament considerably from when I was a child.

Melissa XX

TDOR Revisited

2010-11-21T04:10:00.000-05:00

The annual Transgender Day Of Remembrance has past, but that doen't mean we have to stop thinking about the victims of trans related violence. Indeed, we should never stop thinking of them. I apologize to Amy for lifting this from her blog, but everyone needs to see it:

Roy Antonio Jones III

Location: Southampton, NY

Cause of Death: Punched repeatedly and grabbed by the neck

Date of Death: August 1, 2010

Roy was 16 Months old.

Note: 20 year old Pedro Jones told police he had struck the infant several times with a closed fist. Jones said he was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl."

God love that dear sweet little child! The poor baby never never had a chance.

There is something radically wrong with our culture, when a 20 year old male feels compelled to beat a toddler to death with his closed fist, because he doesn't think the innocent babe is acting manly enough! I can think of few things sicker, than expecting a 16 month old child, who hasn't even realized itself, whether it is male, or female, to act like a male! I had this very same trouble with my own mother, when I was growing up, and although she could indeed be quite violent, and often was, at least she wasn't murderous. Still, she expected me to be a miniature version of a mature adult male, as early as three years old. In my very first blog post, An Assault On Innocence, I chronicled how violently my mother reacted, when I came home one afternoon, joyously sporting bright red fingernails, after spending a day with two very sweet teenage female baby sitters.

When are we going to get smart, and stop projecting our gender ideas on others, especially on innocent babes, when lives can be destroyed before they ever begin?

God love everyone who has ever been a victim of violence based on their gender identity, or sexual orientation, but especially all of the innocent children, who suffered at the hands of spoiled, selfish, and immature adults, who knew in their hearts, that they were wrong to visit such horror on innocent little babes.

With a tear in my eye, I bid love to you all,

Melissa XX

Eureka!

2010-11-19T03:25:00.007-05:00

My new computing equipment just keeps on astounding me! If you have followed my blog, then you will know that I have had a problem with a certain aspect of the Blogger experience. That is, ever since switching from dial-up to wireless, I have been unable to post comments on any blog with the embedded comment box at the bottom of the post. Well.....since I plugged in my brand new wireless USB modem from Verizon, I now have full functionality on Blogger! So, all of you bloggers using the Blogger default embedded comment setting, keep an eye out for comments from Melissa! There are several of you who I've wanted to leave comments with for quite some time now, and I've always been sad that I couldn't.

Absentee Bloggers

We have all know bloggers that we were fond of, who simply vanished into the night, never to return again. Not being one who likes to panic (even though I do on occasion), I paid no mind, to when Sophie seemed to stop blogging. Sometimes people just want to take a break, and I know first hand that Sophie was very busy, tending to the requirements of her transition, so a leave of absence was not at all unexpected. (But was it a leave of absence, or was it.......a leaf of absinth...........) Oh my, there goes the silly side of my brain again. I assure you, it's quite uncontrollable. Now I'm picturing Sophie sitting somewhere in a cafe on the left bank, with a strange glass of milky green liquid before her. Well, at any rate I emailed Sophie just to inquire how things were going, and I found out she had even closed her email account! We belong to the same support group, but I haven't been to the last three meetings, and by the last comments she left on my blog a couple of months ago, I think she many not have gone recently either.

So, I don't have a clue as to what she is thinking about the rest of us. She has left a comment, or two on other blogs, that I have noticed, but she reamins un-linkable and un-e-mailable.

Home Repairs and Other Pains in the Ass

Owning a home is a royal pain in the ass! As Roseanne Roseannadana used to say, "It's always something!". When the workman replaced my well pump and pressure tank last week, he brought to my attention the fact that the the wooden framing, holding up the plywood cover to the crawlspace where the pressure tank was located, had rotted away, and the plywood cover had fallen into the opening. He recommended that I get it replaced very soon, because when temperatures drop severely, the cold wind blowing on my pressure tank and its associated valves, will likely freeze up my water works. So, I have another project to attend to. I will have to make the long trek back into Richmond, and get an appropriate size piece of plywood cut, to fasten over the opening. Since it is under the rear deck and no one can see it, I'm not going to bother hiring a carpenter to reframe the opening. I think I will just fasten a piece of plywood to the cinderblock over the opening with masonry screws. "Keep it simple stupid", is my motto!

And speaking of the late Gilda Radner
Here is a lovely little treasure of her, and the late Madeline Kahn together back in the day. Both of them always made me smile, but only when they weren't making me laugh hysterically with their crazy antics.

Melissa XX

To Quote Mark Twain.......

2010-11-17T22:26:00.022-05:00

........."Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated."

OK....I know.......that line is pretty trite, but I needed a quick opening. Can you find it in your heart, you forgive me?

No........I'm not dead, nor have I been driven to ground, as one dear friend surmised. I'm afraid the explanation is much more mundane............internet problems. It seems that my trusty old wireless modem, that connected to the internet so gloriously fast for over a week, just kicked the bucket, but what did I expect? It was seriously out of shape. For two and one half years, it was connecting a cumbersome desktop to the web. A good hard pull to be sure, but never the aerobic workout it was designed for.

Wireless modems are marathon runners, not weight lifters, and my poor modem had become out of shape and muscle bound. When suddenly it was tasked with connecting the speedy laptop that it was originally designed for, it gave its all, and sent me surfing the web at blistering speeds! Then suddenly it faltered. It began to disconnect every five minutes, as if to say, "Slow down.....pant, pant......I can't keep up!" But being the cruel misstress that I am, I would dimiss its complaints, and instantly reconnect. Time and again it would try to do its duty, only to disconnect once more, then ultimately it collapsed. Presumably of heart failure. No attempts at resuscitation, could bring it back to life. Rest in peace, kind and faithful modem. You rescued me from the hell of dial-up, and for that I will be forever grateful.

We never realize how dependent we have become on our modern devices, until they are no longer available to us. For two and half days, I had no internet access at all, and I felt totally isolated from the world! No email, no internet news, no Wikipedia, no Blogger, but worst of all, I was faced with the prospect of actually writing and mailing checks to pay my bills! Imagine the horror! Now, that was just too much! Something had to be done, and it had to be done fast, so today I made the long trek into Richmond to visit my wireless provider's store, and get a new wireless USB modem.

The speed with which technology progresses never ceases to amaze me. The modem I bought to replace my nearly 3 year old modem with, was only a quarter of its size, and required no CD to to install it, because its driver was built in. It's hard to figue out the pricing of some of this communications stuff. The modem had a list price of$189.00, but was on sale for $50.00, with a $50.00 mail in rebate, making it essentially free with a new two year contract. I'm sure that at the end of two years, I will have paid far more than the actual cost of the modem, but C'est la vie!

Now that I'm back, I hope that all of the ridiculous carping over "is you is, or is you ain't a real lady" is finally over. Since there is no exact science concerning gender identity, and in spite of all of the pseudo-intellectual tripe that has been offered as science concerning transsexualism, essentially transsexualism remains a self-diagnosis. How absolutely absurd, to tell anyone you have never even met, and haven't spent any time with, that the way they self-identify is bogus! Hang in there sisters! You are who you say you are! And don't worry for one second about how pretty you are. Pettiness is not a requirement for womanhood. If you don't believe that, just take a look at all of the women around you.

I've been watching a really good documentary series on PBS, called Circus. Here are some videos from that series. If you get a chance, check it out. It's well worth the watch.

Melissa XX

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

2010-11-12T03:35:00.005-05:00

No.......this isn't about any trans related experience. Just about some every day mundane things that I've had to deal with lately.

So my lovlies, as you all know, my I-Mac bit the dust more than a week ago, then my water system crapped out on me a couple of days ago, and today I went to wash a load of clothes, and lo and behold, my washing machine had died!...........or so I had thought.........for the better portion of the day, anyway.

I joyfully did several loads of laundry after my well pump and pressure tank were replaced yesterday, and all went well, but when I decided to do a load of whites this morning, (Yes! I do segregate my colors! No pink underwear for me, thank you!) suddenly my washer would not respond to its commands! It seems that even though it was turned off, water had been dripping into my machine overnight, caused by a tiny little piece of slate sediment stirred up by the well pump change. It was clogging a solenoid on the washer. At first I thought my washer was shot, and my heart sank! Another big expense, I thought! And that thought continued through the day today, until this evening when I was bailing out the accumulated dripping water from my washer with a sauce pan. It was a long and tedious process, and I was getting tired of it, because the configuration of the machine and its ringer in the middle, would never let me get more than half a sauce pan full of water at a time!

Then I remembered when I first installed the machine nearly 18 years ago, I had a similar problem. The wheels in my brain began to turn, and suddenly the solution popped into memory! I turned off the pump breaker, and opened the tap on the bath tub to drepressurise the water lines. This allowed the washer fill line to depressurise and clear the solenoid of its obstruction. Once the line had completely depressurised , I turned the pump breaker back on, and, voila! The machine began to drain and cycle again! Another big expense avoided, at least for now. My washer and dryer are 18 years old. How much longer can they last? The same can be said for my electric water heater. How have I avoided replacing all of these notoriously fickle appliances in all these years? Just lucky, I guess.

Please, keep your fingers crossed for me! I would love to get through another winter, with a minimum of hassles!

So, while I have you all here, have I ever told you how much I love all of you?

Melissa XX !

Ashokan Farewell

2010-11-11T23:28:00.009-05:00

Since Armistice Day has morphed into Veteran's Day in the United States, and because I was so inspired by a viewing of a poignant episode of Ken Burn's documentary, The Civil War tonight, I thought I would post a video of Jay Unger and Molly Mason's "Ashokan Farewell", that Burns used as the theme song, for what turned out to be his best work ever. The American Civil War was the bloodiest war in all of our history. Tens of thousands died in battles that lasted only a few hours, as they marched headlong into each other's field of fire. It was absolute insanity, but as Ken Burns showed in his award winning documentary, it inspired the absolute best from some of the most insignificant people. People with only an elementary school education, wrote some of the most beautiful and eloquent letters back home to their loved ones. Listening to them, makes one aware of how much better those with scant little education in those days wrote, than many today with multiple university degrees. Listen to the music in this video. It is both beautiful and haunting at the same time, and a perfect tribute to all of those poor souls on both sides, who gave their lives in this horrible war.

Melissa XX

Have I Ever Shared This With You Before?

2010-11-11T04:17:00.002-05:00

Forgive me if I have. I just couldn't resist.

Diana Krall: You Go To My Head

Enjoy!

Melissa XX

Ahhh! The Joys Of Living In The Wilderness

2010-11-11T02:51:00.004-05:00

It's pretty and peaceful out here in the Piedmont. None of the hustle and bustle of the fast life back in town. But it requires a sense of independence that many city dwellers are unaccustomed to. There are so many things that you just take for granted when you live in a city, like uninterrupted gas for your kitchen stove, furnace, water heater, and even your fireplace if you have gas logs. You are also hooked up to a municipal water supply, that remains constant, unless a catastrophic flood takes out the water purification plant.

On Monday evening, I went to my mother's in Richmond, for supper as usual. Before I went, I took a shower. Upon my return, I wanted to wash my hands and face, so I went into the bathroom and turned on the tap. Nothing! Just a sickening gurgling sound. My first reaction was, WTF? I have been living here for nearly 18 years, and the only time I ever lost water was when the power went out, but this time the power was on, and I had just taken a shower five hours earlier. I went straight to the circuit breaker panel to see if my well pump had tripped the breaker, but it hadn't.

Flowing water is such a basic necessity of modern life. You need it to wash your body, your clothes, your dishes, and most of all...........to flush your toilets. Suddenly I felt my body being washed in that sickening flood of adrenaline, that happens whenever panic begins to set in. Oh crap! What was I going to do now? What would it cost me to replace a well pump, or pressure tank, or both? Who would I even call, that I could trust to do a decent, honest job? I went to bed that night, with the aid of two Benadryl tablets to help me take my mind off of it all and get to sleep. Otherwise I would have lain in bed all night, agonizing over it.

The next day was spent fruitlessly searching the internet for well and pump contractors in my county. I could find none. Finally I looked up the county Chamber of Commerce, something I should have done in the first place, and asked if they new of any reputable well and pump contractors that servered our county. The woman I spoke to gave me the name of a contrator that recently worked on her well, as well as several others. None were located in our county, but they were in adjacent counties, and served our area as well. I looked up the one that she said did some work for her on the internet, and they were only 25 miles away. I read their reviews and, they seemed to get good reports, so I decided to call them. The trouble was, it was late in the day by then, so I waited until the next morning. Fortunately I had several five gallon jugs of fresh water, for my drinking water dispenser, so I could at least wash my hands and face and brush my teeth.

So, this morning.........well yesterday morning actually, by the look of the clock, I called them right after breakfast. Their secretary took my call and information, and said that she would get back with me shortly, or one of their service teams would call. About 30 minutes later, I got a call from one of their technicians, and he said he would be there within 30-45 minutes! I was surprised! I was sure I would have to wait a day or two, but sure as he said, his truck pulled up in my driveway in about 40 minutes!

Now, I had spent 37 years, working in a large chemical plant, maintenance department, staffed mainly by a large contingent of........well, let's be frank.........rednecks. Many of them were some of the surliest, cocksure, hard to get along with men I have ever known. It's been so nice the last three years, to get away from that type, and I feared having to deal with it again, but these guys were great! I stood and watched them, and talked to them the whole time, and they were nothing, if not very courteous and knowledgeable good workers, and far as I could tell, honest.

It turns out, the pvc pipe connecting my well pump to the main water line, broke at the brass fitting. They said that type of pvc pipe weakens with age, and the constant torque of the pump starting and stopping, eventually broke the pipe off at that junction. The pump was still working, but it and the pressure tank under the house were 21 years old. They were amazed that it lasted that long, and said the average age of a well pump was 8-10 years. Since they had to pull the pump, to replace the old pvc pipe with new blue poly tubing, I told them to go ahead and install a new pump and pressure tank as well, so I wouldn't have to call them back six monts to a year from now. Amazingly, they pulled out 180 feet of pipe, and installed a new pump and pressure tank in just a little over two hours time! So this afternoon and evening was spent, happily doing laundry, and once again giving toilets a well needed flush! Now I await the bill for their services. I'm expecting anywhere between $1,200 to $2,000. I'll let you know what the damage is, when the bill arrives in the mail, but whatever, as the old folks say, "C'est la vie"!

It was a beautiful autumn day to be outside! The temperature was in the low to mid 60's, thanks to a high pressure system stalled out over the eastern part of the US. The sky was azure, (If we were in central Asia, I would say it was, "Azure by John!") and the remaining turning leaves basked in the glory of the late autumn sun! There were so many uncollected leaves on the ground, that the well technicians lost a few electrical butt splice connectors under them. No worry though, since they had a well equipped service truck, filed with whatever they needed. No Jacklegs, these guys. They were true professionals!

On to other things.

I'm a peaceful type, and I tolerate a wide range of opinion, provided it's done in a civil manner. That's why it pained me so much to shut my blog down to someone yesterday. Ironically, for the ultra orthodox transwoman that I blocked, the only other person I have ever done that to before, was a fetishistic transvestite, who had a very kinky, sexually suggestive avatar. While I have nothing but love for all transgender people, wherever they stand on the gender spectrum, my blog is not sexually oriented, nor is it a blog for long running feuds with the transsexual elite. All those however, with open minds, open hearts, who are calm of nature, and possess a relatively good sense of taste (According to my judgement.........well........it is my blog after all!), and a good sense of humor, are perfectly welcome. I have to say that I was touched by all of the comments on my blog in support of me, and especially all of the emails! What lovely, supportive friends we have here, in our own little corner of the blogosphere!

Melissa XX

Daylight Savings Time Comes To An End

2010-11-06T22:35:00.012-04:00

Greetings my lovelies!

Tonight marks the end of Daylight Savings Time here in the US. At 2:00 AM, we turn our clocks back one hour. This is better than when the reverse is true in the spring, because it means we get an extra hour to lounge between the sheets in the morning! The downside for many, is that it will now start to get dark by about 5:30 PM. That has never bothered me. I can relate to the night. Unlike Dracula however, I don't consider the barking of my neighbor's dogs in the middle of the night, to be beautiful music. No children of the night, these dogs.............just a bunch of rowdy yappers, but a fan in the bedroom drowns them out.

Actually, the early onset of darkness has it's advantages, for me at least. For one, it means one less hour a day, that my obsessive/compulsive disordered next door neighbor can run her noisy ass, gasoline powered leaf blower! What I've often been tempted to do with that infernal machine, is just too obscene to mention in this blog.

It also means that while driving home from my mothers in Richmond on Monday evenings, I won't have the setting sun shining directly into my eyes, although if I'm honest, that actually ceases to be problem by early to mid September, since my drive is to the northwest. I do prefer the coziness of the dark cockpit, lit only by the glow of the light from the instrument panel and radio. There is just something very intimate about riding down the highway in a car at night, with the radio, or CD player playing your favorite station or album. You're in your own little world. You can't see the other drivers, and they can't see you. I suppose those so inclined could interpret it as a regression.......a desire to return to the womb. I don't know about that, nor do I really care. At 62, I'm not about to tell my nearly ninety year old mother, that I want back inside, because I really don't, besides that would be way too icky to even imagine! So, nope........nothing quirky about it, I just like night driving.

I was out driving around the countryside today, and while there are still plenty of leaves left on the trees in the Piedmont, sadly we are now past peak color. The brilliant reds, yellows and bright oranges have been replaced by pale greens, muted yellows, muted ambers, and browns. From my rear deck, I can once again see the houses on the other side of the pond, where only a month ago, they were obscured by the jungle of foliage between my house and the north bank. Two weeks from now all the color will be gone, and most of the trees will be bare. The shameless exhibitionism of Autumn, will be replace by the stark dignified beauty of the oncoming winter. It's currently 28.7° F/- 2.3° C, and I'm comfortably ensconced in front of a glowing quartz heater. Radiant quartz heaters are the next best thing to a crackling fire. Maybe even better, since they take only a fraction of the time to come up to temperature.

My new Mac Book Pro laptop has me mesmerized! I'm using the same wireless USB modem that I used with my now defunct I-Mac, but the connection speed with the lap top is ten times faster! No more ten minute waits for videos to play! I also prefer the tactile sensation of the keyboard, to the I-Mac. It seems to be much more sensitive. On the I-Mac, I always felt like I had to pound the keys pretty hard, or I would miss a character. The Mac Book keyboard is also back lit, making each character stand out. I was a bit taken back by the smaller screen size at first, but since it's sitting on my lap, directly in front of my face, and I can easily enlarge the text, or picture it's not a problem. I've never had a lap top before, so it took some getting used to. Eventually, I had to plug my trackball mouse into it, not only because I had become so used to the convenience of a trackball, but because I couldn't figure out which keys corresponded to the left and right mouse buttons. The Mac Book has a wonderful finger pad, that you can use one finger to move the cursor, or two fingers to scroll the page up and down or left and right, but I still haven't figured out the corresponding left and right click keys. Does anybody have any ideas?

A very dear sweet girlfriend came to my defense yesterday in an email, when a now notorious TS pedant, and drive by shooter, decided once again to spray my blog with her reactionary bullets. At 62 years old, I have so much scar tissue from far worse attacks, that bullets of this sort do no more than leave a small bruise. She is at least my age. Surely she must know by now, that while the heart remains soft for those who deserve its warmth, the skin thickens to protect it from the attacks of those who don't. What a shame she is so self-satisfied. Coming from the same generation, she and I could have been such great friends, but she burned that bridge, with her very first judgmental comment on my blog. I'm so sorry about that. Hopefully she will someday learn the truth revealed by Albert Einstein.....that everything is relative. That is a law that applies not only to the cosmos, but to everything within it, including our own existence. A lack of that fundamental understanding, or an unwillingness to accept it, has been at the root of every human misunderstanding, since the dawn of mankind. Unfortunately it will very likely remain so, and that is the curse of the human race.

Well now.......you all know me, and I'm not about to end my blog on a negative note. My dear sweet girlfriend in Arizona is not the only one who has supported me. There are so many of you who have expressed your love, kindness, and solidarity with me, since I've started my blog, that I am truly overwhelmed. How could I not love you all?

Melissa XX

Mahler 4th Symphony part 4. Kathleen Battle

2010-11-04T04:38:00.003-04:00

I've posted this number before, by Edith Mathis, but I have to post it again; this time by Kathleen Battle. She has such a lovely voice, and just look at her! Isn't she absolutely beautiful?

Melissa XX

Super Fast Computers & Valiant Handmaidens On Flying Horses!

2010-11-02T21:51:00.017-04:00

Wow! This Mac Book Pro is a rocket ship, compared to my I-Mac. It's not that the I-Mac is an inferior machine, it's just that my wireless USB modem works so much faster with the Mac Book, than it did with my desk top I-Mac. For years, because I live so far out of town, I was stuck with a super slow dial-up connection, that made web surfing a real pain, and watching videos virtually impossible. When I bought my I-Mac, I asked the salesman if a wireless USB modem would work with it. I knew they worked with laptops, so I assumed they would work with desk top computers as well. He told me that the speed would be significantly limited if I used it on a desk top computer. For a while, I hobbled along on my I-Mac using my old dial up connection, then I decided to give wireless a try. The wireless modem I got said it was capable of speeds up to 1.5 mbps, but when hooked up to my I-Mac, the fastest speed I ever saw was 750 kpbs, and average speeds were only about 150-250 kpbs. Still, much faster than dial up's 26-40 kpbs, so I considered it a great improvement, but it still took 5-10 minutes to download a Youtube video.

When my I-Mac went for a shit last week, I panicked! I've come to rely on having a reliable internet connection, not just for blogging, but for on line banking, paying all of my bills, and shopping. Suddenly I was completely isolated, with no other connection to the outside world, other than my telephone line and cell phone. Something had to be done, and quickly. So I drove into Richmond, and bought a Mac Book Pro at the Apple Store. When I got it home, I hooked it up to my wireless USB modem, and started it up. At first I just did text pages, so I didn't notice much difference, but the next day I went to a message board I frequently go to, and noticed that pictures that used to take 30 seconds or more to load in, appeared instantly. Hmm.......that was fast, I thought. Then yesterday, I downloaded a video, and it immediately began to play, and never once paused for buffering. Suddenly my eyes were bugging! I couldn't believe it! After over 20 years of available internet service in the US, I was finally able to achieve genuine broadband speed! Lucky me! I live directly adjacent to an Interstate highway, with cell phone towers every few miles, so my reception is great, but my fellow county citizens, who live off the beaten track, are probably lucky to get a signal at all. They do have the option of satellite, if they can get an unobstructed view of the southern sky. Something that isn't always readily available when you have a lot of tall trees around your property, as I have found.

Well........with the miserable 2010 elections a fait accompli, there is nothing left to do, other than to bury oneself in diversions until the ugly political nightmare is over. So I just slapped in a DVD of Tristan und Isolde, courtesy of a very lovely present from my equally lovely sister. I know there is a lot of criticism of Wagner, because of his horrible and inexcusable anti-semitic views, but as someone who has had to hide their trans nature for most of my life, I'm used to compartmentalizing things, so separating the despicable racist Wagner, from the musical genius Wagner has never been a problem for me. Fortunately his indefensible racism died with him, while his beautiful music lives on. His, Der Ring des Nibelungen is absolutely one of my favorite series of operas. His operas aren't quite the sweet lilting romantic creations of a Verdi, or a Puccini, but they do possess a certain grandeur and sense of drama that captivates one's senses. I would love to see a screen adaptation of the Ring series. It's such a great story! If done well, it could easily rival the very successful Lord of The Rings trilogy. I mean, how could a mere Hobbit, or Elf ever compete with one of Odin's Valkyrie?

Click on this picture if you need to, to enlarge it, and gaze into the eyes of this fearless determined mythological creature, and her loyal valiant horse. She is on a mission, and nothing is going to stop her!

You too can be like the Valkyrie! All you have to do is believe in yourself.

I believe in all of you!

Melissa XX

Depressing Things.

2010-11-02T12:08:00.006-04:00

I was so very sad to read Rebecca's blog post, The End on her blog, A Life Reborn. She, like so many unfortunate Americans is currently unemployed, and she just got a $700 bill from her endocrinologist for blood work, that her insurance company is refusing to pay. Of course she can't afford to pay outrageous medical bills like that completely out of her own pocket, so she is putting a halt to her transition. You see, in the wealthiest country in the world, insurance companies, not doctors, determine what your medical needs are. Unless you work for a self-insured major corporation, that has been shamed into covering TG related care, forget about your insurance covering it. Thus, thousands of people are forced to either forgo HRT and transition altogether, or resort to on-line pharmacies, that the US pharmaceutical industry is doing everything in their power to shut down. Such is life in the land of the free and the home of the brave, yet we have a substantial percentage of our electorate, that seems perfectly content to have these corporate racketeers continue to lead us around by a ring in our nose. To do otherwise in their convoluted way of thinking, would be giving ourselves over to the slavery of socialism, that our "Muslim dictator" wants us all to live under. I'm speaking of course of the Tea Party, headed by none other than that notorious twit, and former Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Truly, I'm beginning to worry about the future of my country.

Melissa XX

Greetings From My New Mac Book!

2010-10-31T00:07:00.009-04:00

Sorry, but I've been incommunicado for the last several days. For over three good years, my I-Mac served me well, never giving me a moment's trouble. Then last week, I kept getting the spinning color wheel of doom. Restarting it seemed to take care of the problem, but a few hours later, the spinning wheel would return. Restarting always took care of the problem until a few days ago. Then suddenly, the spinning color wheel of doom came up, and the only way to shut it off was to shut the computer down, but this time when the computer was started back up, it refused to reboot. Instead I just kept just kept getting messages to restart my computer. Repeated attempts at doing that failed though. I didn't know what else to do.

So, I hopped in the Dakota today, and trekked on into the west end of Richmond this afternoon. Since I wanted another I-Machine, I was immediately drawn to the place where I bought my I-Mac over three years ago, but when I pulled into the parking lot, the store was no longer there, having been replaced with an Office Max. Nevertheless, I went inside to see if they sold Mac's. A dear sweet young woman met me, and asked if she could help. I asked her if they sold Mac's and sadly, she said no. Then I asked her if she knew the nearest location of an Apple store, and happily she said, yes! How sweet of her. She told me there was one in the Short Pump Town Center Mall, just a couple of miles to the west.

So, off I drove, and when I arrived at the huge open air mall, I began to search for a parking space. I haven't been there in several years, so I couldn't believe it! There wasn't a parking space to be had within a quarter of a mile of where I needed to go. I weaved back and forth through one lot and the next, before lucking out and encountering someone leaving in a distant lot. As soon as they pulled out, I immediately dove into the vacant space, before anyone coming in the opposite direction could claim it. Yes, unfortunately it's dog eat dog when it comes to shopping center parking! Spaces were filled up, all the way to the outer fringes.

Once out of the Dakota, finding the store was another experience. I had only been there once before, about six years ago, and then only to go to a specific restaurant. The place was so huge that even after looking at the posted directory, it took me another ten to fifteen minutes to find the Apple Store. In fact I walked right passed it once, but eventually I found it, and waked in. Immediately my heart sank, There must have been a gazillion people in the store! I thought I would have to wait an eternity to be served. I slithered through the maddening crowd, which for some odd reason or another, seemed to consist of a large number of young Chinese males in cadet uniforms, totally enamored of the display of I-Phones. There were also a lot of middle class white Americans surrounding the Mac Books. To my surprise, when I wasn't looking at them for more than two minutes, a somewhat geeky guy approached me, and asked if he could help me. Was I just lucky, or did he have the power to discern a serious customer from a tire kicker? Or did he think I was a fellow geek as well? Hey don't laugh! I have not doubt how geeky I come off in boy mode! I'll never know for sure, I'm just glad that he picked me out of the multitudes! At least it's good for something!

At any rate, he was great! He asked all the right questions, and gave all the right answers! A far cry from some of the completely clueless tech sales people I have had to deal with in other stores. Within 20 minutes, I was out of there with a brand new Mac Book Pro, sold to me for a $100+ corporate discount, because he saw my retiree ID Card from my former employer, when I opened my wallet to take out my debit card. Good thing I worked for a major international corporation, instead of for Joe Schmoe's corner store. Why is it that Government and corporate employees, and their retirees get a break, when Joe Schmoe's employees, who only make minimum wage have to pay full price??? Something is very screwy, and frankly quite rotten about our American capitalistic system, when the the well off get $100 discounts, and the indigent have bear the full cost! What's up with that? It galls me, but I suppose in the overall unfair scheme of things, I should just consider myself lucky to be able to go out and buy a new computer at will. There was a day when I wouldn't have been able to either, discounts or not.

But that's neither here, nor there. I just got back on line, where I can keep up with all of you! And that brings me to a somber note. Veronica, from Right Side Up, appears to be putting an end to her lovely blog. I sincerely hope she invites some of us at least, to view her new writings. Surely, we should now be thinking of this lovely sweet post-op woman, in terms that transcend transsexualism .

Well........as much as I love Autumn, we are creeping past peak color here in the Virginia Piedmont. Don't get me wrong, it's sill quite beautiful around here, but probably half of the leaves have turned and fallen. It seems that the most colorful trees right now, are the hickories. They are a deep orangey yellow, and really stand out in the late evening sun. Very beautiful indeed! Some of the Gums didn't turn their blazing red this year, simply turning yellow instead. Hot dry summer? Who knows? But the Maples never seem to fail us, and most of them were absolutely shameless! Deep red- orange in color, they certainly seemed to be ablaze!

Yesterday saw my bi-weekly supplication to the Goddess of Epilation. As High Priestess of the Church of the Immaculate Epilation, it is my solemn duty to keep my body from being defiled by unwanted hair, so I had no choice but to submit to the cleansing ritual. 45 minutes later, all was smooth and silky, and the deity was once again pleased. I am now at peace!

Melissa XX

Oh Dear! I Tought I Had Lost You All!

2010-10-26T23:52:00.002-04:00

I was having difficulties with my computer today. It seemed that I was frequently encountering what our dear sweet adorable Lori in Phoenix has described as, the "Mac, color wheel of death."

Those of you with Mac's surely know what I'm talking about. Suddenly your program freezes, and you are relegated to staring at a colorful spinning wheel, as though you were watching a perpetual edition of Wheel Of Fortune! No amount of mouse clicking, or "cntrol esc" punching can free you from this monster. You simply have to turn off your machine for an extended period of time, and allow all of the flip fops to resume to zero. (The term "flip flops" is an arcane reference to solid state devices, that store digital information in the binary language of ones and zeroes, not unlike we simple minded human beings, who store Gender information, strictly in the form of Male and Female!).

After three hours without power, I decided to re-boot my faithful I-Mac, and........Wal -la! There it was! Apparently, all it needed was a rest, to calm it's mind from all of the BS floating out there on the interwebs. True transsexuals, fake transsexual, misguided transvestites..............it all makes my head hurt!

Only you can determine who and what you are. Who is more transsexual than someone else? Who the hell cares?

I love all of you! Primary, Secondary, Type V, Type VI, Group I, or Group II, you are all in my heart, and you are all very dear to me!!!

Melissa XX

An Audio Transgender Sucess Story (from NPR)

2010-10-26T23:39:00.003-04:00

Teresa Sparks speaks out on NPR's All Things Considered.

There is no one transsexual story. We are all unique. Don't ever let anyone intimidate you into thinking, that you are not a true transsexual, no matter what they claim their expertise to be. Transsexualism is a self-diagnosis. Only you, can define who and what you truly are.

Melissa XX

For Caroline

2010-10-24T04:37:00.004-04:00

Isn't this one of your favorites?

Melissa XOXO

We Are Not Psychopaths!

2010-10-23T23:30:00.007-04:00

A little eccentric maybe, but certainly not off our rockers!

The recent sensational news reports, and lurid photos of the twisted former Canadian Air Force Base commander, who broke into the homes of women and adolescent girl's to steal their underwear, and who eventually raped and brutally murdered two women, has undoubtedly sent shockwaves through the trans community. Is there any doubt, that there are now ignorant transphobes saying, "See! I told you that those people are all sick!"

But let's get real. Col. Williams was a psychopath, plain and simple. It has long been known, that trans people are categorically among some of the most peaceful nonviolent people on the planet. Make sure that you let everyone who makes that simple minded equation, know what the truth is. The media outlets that reported this story should have had the decency to make that distinction, but in this new age of yellow journalism, sensationalism is all that matters. The scum!

On A Lighter Note

Tonight I enjoyed one of my favorite Saturday night pastimes; watching re-runs of Are You Being Served, and Keeping Up Appearances on my local Public Television station. Are You Being Served has to be one of the funniest sit-coms ever. There are not many shows on TV that will invoke audible laughter from me, but I laugh out loud (That's LOL! to all of you texters.*wink*) every time I watch that show. I just love all of the characters, especially Mrs. Slocombe, and Mr. Humphries. I've probably seen most of the shows, because PBS has been running them every weekend since the early 90's, but I still laugh every time I see them. I used to think that All In The Family was the best sit-com from that era, but I think Are You Being Served out shines even that venerated comedy.

And of course who couldn't laugh at the hysterical antics of social climbing, Hyacinth Bucket, and her embarrassing dysfunctional extended family, in Keeping up Appearances? Great comedies, both! I'm so glad they are both still in syndication.

Melissa XX

Magical!

2010-10-21T01:09:00.004-04:00

I've spoken before about my love for the works of Gustav Mahler. Listening to this snippet of his Symphony No.1, 1st movement, is it any wonder why? This is on my list of music to meet my maker by! The trouble is, I'm an agnostic. I wonder if my maker will be there to share it with me?

Maker or not, who could ever resist the magnificent voice of Luciano Pavarotti? My sister shared this with me today, and I would be remiss to not share it with you. It's quite famous, so I know you have all heard it before, but how could you not want to hear it again? From Turandot, Luciano Pavarotti sings Nessun Dorma. If there are angels, some of them must sound like this!

Melissa XX

Early Color In The Piedmont

2010-10-19T23:33:00.001-04:00

These aren't the best pictures. Unfortunately, they were all taken in haste. Some from a moving vehicle, and some with a slightly shaky hand. If you click on each pic, you can open it up, and another click will expand it to full size. These beautiful trees are analogous to all of us. Some are in a more advanced state of development than others. Some seem to have barely progressed at all, and some will do their utmost, only to turn brown and go dormant. Yet all are beautiful in their own right.

Melissa XX

Rocky and Bullwinkle

2010-10-19T00:42:00.012-04:00

They were once the best of pals, but Rocky had a secret. Turns out he was a transspecies. Unhappy with his life as a rodent, Rocky went into therapy, and later sought medical help to become the human he always felt he was inside. It was an amazing success story! After years of torturous electrolysis, and massive doses of anabolic steroids, Rocky not only achieved his life long dream of becoming a human, but went on to become Heavyweight Champion of the World! He is now living in stealth, with his wife Adrian in Philadelphia. She knows nothing of his past life, as a cartoon squirrel.

Sadly, when Rocky became human, he could no longer relate to his old pal Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle always wanted to become human too, but there was that little problem with his antlers. They would always grow back, making it impossible for him the pass as a human. Rocky wanted nothing more to do with him, for fear that camaraderie with a lowly cartoon moose, would remind people of his past, and cast a pall over his marriage to Adrian. He was also afraid that once the news got out that he used to be a super flying squirrel, his boxing opponents would cry foul, and petition the boxing commission to strip him of his title.

At last notice, Bullwinkle was still in mourning over the loss of his old pal, and was seeking solace in friendship with Boris and Natasha, who had emigrated to the west after the fall of the Soviet Union. Although mere cartoon humans, Boris and Natasha turned out to be great fiends. Even though Bullwinkle found it impossible to permanently shed his antlers, they still accepted him as a human being, and a dear friend.

Rocky, before the change:

Melissa *wink*

Is There Anything More Stinking Than Burned Microwave Popcorn?

2010-10-17T02:29:00.005-04:00

I was experimenting with different methods of nuking popcorn tonight, in order to get more kernels popped. I should have taken the directions on the bag for granted. Surely they knew what they were talking about, but I wanted to push the envelope! Well......I pushed the envelope alright, and I crashed an burned! Twice! The first bag, while totally inedible, only needed to go into the waste basket.The second bag was smoking so bad, that it had to be taken outside, and used in a religious ceremony, as a burnt offering to the deity!

The above picture is proof that autumn has arrived her in the Piedmont. The burning bush is a Dogwood; Virginia's state tree. This picture doesn't actually do the colors justice, since it was shot through a tinted windshield, very late in the afternoon. There is actually a lot more color in the Piedmont right now, than what this picture is showing, but our subdivision has a lot of white oaks, and they tend to stay green until they just turn brown. Our prettiest trees in the fall, are the Gums, Maples, Dogwoods, and Red Oaks. We still have a couple of weeks before peak season, so I will try to get you some pics in brighter colors.

About fifty miles away, up on the Blue Ridge Parkway, it will soon look like this!

Is this not the most beautiful time of year? I've always loved autumn. I think it has a lot to do with my old school memories. Fall was a time when once again, I was surrounded by the females that I so much identified with. I loved the annual return to school, for that very reason. Of course because of my closeted status, I could never reveal this, so I tried to live a secret female life vicariously, through my relationships with them.

Ah.......but if only it could have been so simple! You see, I also had to share classes with boys, and in those days especially, boys and girls did not mix outside of dating situations, unless of course the boys were effeminate gays, and then only at their own risk. The male bullies specifically targeted them. Those of us who where TG, but still attracted to females, often ashamedly found cover in that homophobic sexism. Yes, it was at the expense of our own integrity, and self-esteem, and yes, we were thoroughly ashamed of it, but unfortunately it was the only way our immature minds knew how to deal with this social paradox we were forced to live with.

If we hung around with, and acted like one of the boys, we could avoid getting our ass beat, by one or more of the misogynistic, homophobic thugs, that every school always had, and unfortunately still does. But even that didn't guarantee our safety. I narrowly escaped several beatings myself in high school, but took quite a few in junior high.

Witness the recent rash of gay kids, that have taken their own lives, because of relentless harassment from homophobic bullies. Fifty years after I fought bullies on the sidewalks of Indianapolis on the way home from school each day, gay and transgender kids are having to put up with the same damn thing! Why......after all of these five decades, has nothing changed? Is there a God? I honesty don't know, but if there is, then God love them, and God love all of us as well, because we certainly need it!

Melissa XX

Against All Odds, They Are All Home Safe!

2010-10-14T00:01:00.007-04:00

I don't know how they did it! A woman on a message board I visit, said they would have to shoot her up with Valium, for her to be able to make the fifteen minute, 2,000 ft ride up through the 28" shaft to freedom. I don't think Valium would be strong enough for me. I think they would have had to resort to heroin!

I've spent the last 24 hours alternating between rejoicing and crying! The whole time all I could think about, was that one lone piece of lose rock in that 2,000 ft shaft, that would dislodge and jam up one of the wheels on the escape capsule, locking it in place a thousand feet below the surface. Thankfully that never happened. One thing is sure for those rescued . Relationships will certainly be reassessed, and choices will be made. My guess is that most relationships will be strengthened by this ordeal, at least that is my hope!

What was the most beautiful site out of all of this ordeal? An empty mine cavern!
Oh happy day!

Melissa XX

The Long Night Begins In Chile

2010-10-12T23:14:00.004-04:00

Hurray! After more than two months trapped underground, the first of 33 miners has been brought to the surface! A fifteen to twenty minute trip, through over 2,000 feet of solid rock, in a 28" shaft! If that wouldn't give me a heart attack, I'm sure I would be stark raving mad from claustrophobia, by the time I reached the surface! I hope they get every one of those miner out, and then give them all an early retirement, with full benefits! They deserve it!

Melissa XX

Baracuda, Now & Then

2010-10-12T02:27:00.009-04:00

Who ever listened to Ann & Nancy Wilson, and wondered how great these two female rockers really were? As I write, Magic Man is melodically flowing from my speakers, but hey! Wait! Here comes another, Crazy On You ! Oh dear! I am overwhelmed! Was there ever a more compelling female centered rock band than Heart?

Well, here is an attempt! The only cover I have ever heard of Barracuda, that even came close to Ann and Nancy Wilson and Heart, was Gretchen Wilson, singing with Alice in Chains.........and let me tell you dear readers,......they were really, really good! Just listen to this!

Now that you've heard Gretchen's version, listen carefully, and let's see what you think about Ann's original?

Melissa XX

Dvořák's 7th & 8th

2010-10-11T01:39:00.002-04:00

Playing right now on my public radio station. Why in the world do those works make my eyes well up, whenever I hear them???? Could it be that they are just so beautiful, and that beauty is in such short supply in my life? Hmmmm. I've got to do some thinking about that one!

How do I put more beauty into my life? I'm not quite sure about that one. I listen to lots of lovely music, and it seems that no matter how much I listen to it, my senses are still stirred, and my eyes still well up. Perhaps it's something innate. A certain sensitivity to beauty?

I'm not saying that just because I'm trans, I have an abnormal sensitivity to beauty. Considering that many non trans folk have a similar sensitivity, that claim would be absurd. So what is it?

I have a clue. My dad, who has been deceased since 10/2000, when he was nearly 81, gave me an appreciation for good music. We never had great verbal communication, but Dad loved beautiful music, and made attempts to have me share it with him. He introduced me to Leonard Bernstein's Young People's concerts, and some very good 1950's Broadway Musicals. He also would take me for weekend rides in the car, with beautiful music playing on the radio. I think that was his way of bonding with me, and it worked! I secretly adored him! Oh, he was a stuffed shirt to be sure, and could be very stern at times, but there was an unspoken word between us, that gave me confidence in him. Unlike my more fickle and neurotic mother, I always knew he had my best interest at heart, even if he was completely wrong in a situation, which he and my mother more than often were.

Unfortunately, Dad's devotion didn't make a man out of me, not even when he was teaching me how to pitch a baseball. Oh, I learned how to throw the ball, and even became quite proficient at it. I earned a spot on my little league all star team, for striking out the side, three innings in a row! For those of you who aren't familiar with the game of baseball, that means that I stuck out all tree batters, for three inning in a row. That's nine batters that walked up to the plate, only to be retired by my pitches. It doesn't happen very often in the game of baseball, and I never came close to doing it again. Yet here as I sit, and listen to these wonderful strains, I can't help but think that Dad would love to be sitting quietly next to me, and listening to them too. Not conversing, mind you......just being next to me, and listening. What a sweet notion.

Melissa XX

Autumn Begins

2010-10-10T00:13:00.006-04:00

Inevitably, the seasons change. Here in the Piedmont, summer is reluctantly giving way to autumn. Right now, after a couple of weeks of cooler weather, we are experiencing Indian summer, with daytime highs in the low to mid 80's. Summer's last hurrah! What relief from the death grip, that summer had on us from May through August!

The picture above was taken of a small Dogwood in the woods out in front of the house today. Curiously, my Dogwoods never flowered this year, nor did they produce their typical red berries. Does anyone have a clue as to why? Shouldn't this be an annual event?

A trip to the grocery store today, revealed even more color emerging. Apparently some trees are just shameless exhibitionists! They can't even wait for the annual fall fashion show to begin, before they start their runway walk! A few of those shameless ladies were on full display today, with their extremities already in full blush, but most are still far too bashful to come out of the dressing room. In another week or two, their biology will take over, and they will be left with no choice but to submit to brazen displays, as well. I can't wait! We are about to enter the most beautiful time of year!

I'm sorry if I sounded a bit whiny a couple of posts ago. I've always been very sensitive, and sometimes I lose objectivity and take things a bit too personally, although in this particular instance I think I was on solid ground. That blog generated 24 comments, nearly all of which were in full support of me. I can't begin to tell you how uplifting that was! If I haven't thanked you personally for your comment, please accept my sincere thanks right here and now! After decades alone in the wilderness, it's so nice to have the support of others, and to be able to offer my support to all of you as well!

I posted another blog yesterday afternoon, concerning Blogger comment formatting. If you haven't read that blog yet, I urge you to. It may help you to allow more readers to leave comments on your blog. You can access that blog post here: Blogger's Comment Formatting Options - Please Read

We have another new citizen her in Blogistan (Halle.......Claire...am I spelling that right?), and her name is Elizabeth. She is approximately my age, and transitioned in the early 70's, under the direct care of none other than Dr.Harry Benjamin! She has written some absolutely wonderful retrospective posts, detailing events in those early days. Her profile picture is an early one of her, right after transition, and she was absolutely gorgeous! After reading her posts, I've come to the conclusion that her her heart is as beautiful as the picture of her in her youth. I hope she saw my blog about resetting comment format settings, because she also has the default embedded comment box, and as much as I would love to say hello, I can't, until she reformats her comment settings to either the pop-up window, or separate comment page. At any rate, I urge you to check out her blog, Notes from the T side, and leave your comments if you can. And if you can, please link her to my blog about changing comment formatting, because I have no way of getting in touch with her, because she has no email address in her profile.

Today was epilation day. For the last few weeks, I had gotten lazy, and neglected my duties as High Priestess of the Church of the Immaculate Epilation, and had allowed myself to become uncharacteristically, and irreverently furry. It all got to be too much to for my conscience to bear, and I broke down in a fit of contrition, and spent the afternoon in penance. I can now testify that I am once again walking in the light, and I am completely fur free! Hallelujah!

Take care, loves!
Melissa XX

Blogger's Comment Formatting Options - Please Read

2010-10-09T14:03:00.004-04:00

I have discovered the reason........well, a reason anyway, why some people like myself cannot post comments on many people's blogs. The Blogger default setting for readers to post comments, is the embedded comment box. That's the format where a white comment box appears at the bottom of your post, and your readers simply type in their comment, and click on the button that says, Post Comment. Well, it turns out that many wireless internet services are incompatible with that format. If you are accessing the internet through a smart phone, or desk top computer, or lap top using a wireless USB modem, your ISP may not allow you to post on blogs with the embedded comment box.

If you have been wondering why only a few select people ever comment on your blog, it may be because you are using this default setting. Blogger has three options for comment formatting, the default, which I've just discussed, the pop-up comment window, and the separate page for comments. The latter two seem to work for everyone, while the default setting only works for some. You can easily change to the pop-up window, or separate page for comments, by going into you blog settings, accessing the comment tab, and checking off the selection you want.

I hope those of you who have the embedded comment box, will choose to switch to one of the other two formats. I enjoy reading so many of your blogs, and would love to leave my comments, but the embedded comment format you are using prevents me and others from doing that.

Thanks for having the patience to read this. Hopefully we can all open our blogs up, so that more people can fully participate in the discussions.

Melissa XX

There's Been A Great Disturbance In The Force........

2010-10-06T23:44:00.007-04:00

........over this last week. Perhaps I'm responsible for igniting it, but in reality I think it was smoldering long before any post I ever made on the subject.

We, who have so much in common, have been in a war of words. A battle of personal perspectives, over how we self identify. I never realized what diverse passions our personal identity issues could invoke. I always assumed, that we would just naturally be an all inclusive group, regardless of our color in the spectrum of the gender rainbow.

Now, very sadly, I'm beginning to wonder. I guess I was just naive, thinking that I could be thought of as an equal, regardless of my life's uncontrollable circumstances, and yes indeed, regardless of what some who have never known me may think, they were circumstances out of my control.

Even though I suffered the same mishap in the womb as all of you, suddenly I feel somewhat alienated. Like I'm some kind of a second class transwoman, because I was unable to grab the brass ring. Sadly, this feeling of alienation comes not from the homo, or trans-phobic cretins that I normally expected it to come from, but from some of our own sisters, who for their own reasons, are unable, or unwilling to offer anything more than token sisterhood to us, unless we have followed them down to the very end their own personal path. Have they forgotten one of the basic laws of the universe...........that everything is relative?

I am deeply hurt over this, but for now I will say no more. I love all of you too much, so I will not be going anywhere. I know that some of you genuinely do care for all of us, even though you feel some of us are not quite in your league. I guess for now, that will just have to be good enough, because I'm not about to start shunning anyone. As I said, I love you all too much.

Melissa XX

Shake It Baby Shake!

2010-10-02T21:29:00.005-04:00

Around 4 o'clock this afternoon, I heard a low frequency rumbling sound, accompanied by a rattling of something metallic. Most likely the AC unit mounted in my metal window frame in the great room. It was brief, lasting much less than a minute.

I live about an eighth of a mile off I-64, and sometimes large 18 wheeler trucks will buffet the air as they speed on by, and the ensuing shock wave will vibrate my roof, creating a sort of mild bass drum effect. At first, I thought that was what I heard this afternoon, but then while watching the evening news, I heard that there was an earthquake centered in a nearby county today. I went on line to search for earthquake information, and found that it occurred at exactly the time I noticed the low frequency rumble and rattling. It was a mild quake, only a 3 on the Richter scale, but even though it was about 40 miles away, it was still noticeable. East coast earthquakes are not uncommon, but they are usually so mild, that they go unnoticed by most people. This is the first one that I have noticed. When I was still working, one occurred while I was driving home, but because I was in a moving vehicle, I never knew it happened, until I heard about it later on the news.

I'm sure that my west coast readers are laughing right now. They know what a real temblor is like. A 3 on the Richter scale is nothing compared to what they experience on a regular basis, but as is the case with all things in life, everything is relative.

Relevance......... something that sadly, is completely lost on some. I won't go into detail, for concern of generating the usual fear and loathing, but I think that some of you may know what I'm talking about.

Another cool night! It's 44°F outside right now. I've had a sweater on all day today. I love it! This is the first day since early last spring, that I have been able to shut all of the A/C units off. The house is strangely quiet! I'm sure I will have to turn a fan on tonight, just to be able to get some soothing white noise to lull me to sleep.

Melissa XX

I Think, Therefore I Am!

2010-10-01T22:03:00.020-04:00

Can it be said any more plainly? And when I say that I am a woman, that is what I am, period! I am not what you would like to think I am, or what you would want me to be. I am me, a creature of my own imagination. Those who are emotionally mature enough and have respect for my autonomy as an individual, and my inherent right to be the person that I believe myself to be, will put aside their personal prejudices, and accept me for who and what I say I am, their conventions be damned! And those who refuse to? Well.......quite simply.......screw them! Who needs them?

I'm so sorry if I seem a little bit angry in this post. You all know what a gentle nature I normally have, but I'm getting more than a little sick and tired of a self-righteous, and self-imposed cis and transsexual hierarchy, dictating who is, and who is not a legitimate woman, or transsexual! As if anyone who does not conform to their personal idea of womanhood, is just a transvestite; a sad little man in a dress!

Obviously we can all benefit from observation of other women, and surely all of us who are TS have spent our entire lives doing just that, but as Renee so succinctly put it in a recent reply on T-Central, "there is no one way to do woman". What constitutes a woman, is so very subjective!

I grew up in a family with three women, my mother, my twin, and my older sister. While my twin had tastes and attitudes about femininity and womanhood that echoed my mother's, my older sister must have been a changeling, because her attitude and personal tastes, couldn't have been more different. My tastes and attitudes are nothing like my mother's either. With all due respect to my mother and my twin, I found their vision of what constitutes a female to be quite childish, but then they were both spoiled little girls as children, and I think that stunted their growth, and forever colored their attitude about womanhood. Well....that was their life, and I suppose that was OK for them, but it's not for me. I'm different.

As Popeye says. "I yam what I yam!"
Don't like it? Then leave me alone, and keep your opinions to yourself. It's hard enough to deal with realizing that you were dealt one of the crummier hands that life can give you, without having to endure the denigrating assaults of self-righteous sisters.

Here is the bottom line. I am who I want to be. I don't care if that is not your idea of what a woman should be. I graciously accept you for who you say you are, please give me the same courtesy!

Well that's my rant, and it's over now! On to much more important things!

We here in Central Virginia have been faced with a summer's long drought. The reservoirs are at their lowest point in years, and the abundant rain over the last few days, will help, but it's not been nearly enough to make up for the deficit. So, in the interest of water conservation, a humorous quote I once heard my older sister refer to comes to mind. When considering flushing three gallons of fresh water down the toilet, think of this line: "If it's yellow, let it mellow! If it's brown, flush it down!" Sounds good to me, unless you have guests coming for dinner, in which case you better flush the yellow stuff too!

I can't believe it! I looked up at the outside temperature reading in the upper right hand margin of my I-Mac, and it said 48°F at midnight! Do you have any idea how long it's been since we have experienced temperatures in the 40's? It seems like forever! I walked out onto the deck, just to make sure it was true, and it was! The cool air kissed my bare skin, and the stars above shown through the clear night sky so beautifully! I just loved it! I'm so glad that cooler weather is on it's way!

Thinking of all of you,
Melissa XOXO

P.S.Thank You Dad for taking me along with you when I was in high school, for long weekend drives around Germany, while listening to classical music on AFN! (Armed Forces Network). Of course you now know what a profound effect those drives had on me! I'll never forget them!

Oh! And in case you were wondering, tonight's post was composed while listening to Gustav Mahler's Symphny No 1, and No 2! You don't deserve anything less!

Oh boy! Was that ever good!

2010-09-30T00:29:00.008-04:00

This post was written last night, but it got too late to post it, so here it is tonight!

As for the title of this post, I'm speaking of the spicy chicken wings I just got through munching on. Fried chicken wings, and cayenne pepper, yum! I went to the grocery store today, and as I've stated before, as soon as you enter the store with your cart, your senses are assaulted with the sight and smell, of warm roasted whole chickens, and fried chicken appendages. Even though I just had lunch a little over an hour earlier, they were still too much to resist. So I bought a ten pack!

I did restrain myself though. I only ate five. The remaining five will be left to fortify another weak moment! You can fortify a weakness, by giving into it, can't you?

What's that you say?.....You can't?! Oh, well.......then shame on me! I've experienced shame before........I can handle it again!

I thought I would drive to the store today, because tomorrow Tropical Storm Nicole will be barreling up the East Coast, and combining with a low pressure that has already been giving us abundant rain, both yesterday and today, and give us even more rain, and potentially strong winds. It was weird. Just a week ago it was in the upper 90's, and today the high was in the lower 60's. I had to wear a long sleeved shirt and a rain jacket.

The trip revealed that the trees in the Piedmont, have finally had it for this year. They are all in the early stages of withdrawing their chlorophyll from their leaves. Most leaves haven't turned gold, orange, red or amber yet, but they are much paler than the dark green they were only a month ago. The poplars and the weak woods on the other hand, seem to be in a rush to get it over with! The tulip poplars are already turning yellow and shedding their leaves like mad, while the weak woods are turning shades of red and orange and even purple! In three weeks to a month from now, the entire Piedmont will be at peak color.

I took the trash to the dump today, on the way to the grocery store. I tried to take as many fruit flies with me as possible, but the stirring of the bags as I cinched their tops, seemed to upset some of them, and a few escaped. This evening while eating supper, the ones remaining decided to join in. They were especially fond of my glass of wine, so I poured a bit in a glass just for them.

Here is my thought: The little fools! They're thinking, "Oh, boy! A glass of wine just for us!" They are probably such lushes, that they will dive right in for swim, and quickly become so inebriated that they drown! Well..........that's what I thought anyway! Turns out, they are more like glue sniffers! They just congregate on the sides of the glass, and get high on the alcohol fumes wafting up from the glass! Back to the drawing board!

I can't believe the bravery of one of our girl friends here on Blogger! Lisa just began her RLE (real life experiment) this week, and has already booked herself a solo flight to the Isle of Tenerife, in the Canary Islands, for a week's vacation all by herself! Is she a brave girl, or what?! Lisa, you make us all so proud! Upon your return, we will be expecting a full accounting of your trip, accompanied by lots of pictures!

As the cool rain pours down, and splashes off of the A/C unit outside my window, I am listening to my favorite college radio station, WTJU. The TJU stands for Thomas Jefferson University, more commonly known, as the University of Virginia. The establishment of UVA was Jefferson's idea, and he did much of the design for the campus. It was the first university established around a library, instead of a church. Jefferson was one of America' most independent thinkers, and WTJU reflects that attitude, with a very eclectic, free form format. It's such a great break from commercial radio, and even from public radio, which is now having its horrid semi-annual fund drive, where they constantly break into your shows every ten minutes, and drive you crazy with their incessant yammering, about how it's our duty to to send them as much money as we can afford, all day long, for two solid weeks! WTJU is not affiliated with National Public Radio, but they are publicly supported too, however they seem to be able to do it with minimal disruption to their programs, and without boring you to death with incessant obnoxious pleas and platitudes.

*****

24 hours later:

The remnants of Tropical Storm Nicole, have been dumping copious amounts of water on us all day, but it seems to have now moved off to the northeast.

I haven't yet heard any reports about flooding, because all of the heavy rain has completely drowned out even my strongest digital broadcast TV signals. Stinkin' digital TV!

In 2004 the remnants of Hurricane Gaston stalled over Richmond, and dumped everything it had on the city for hours on end. Richmond has a flood wall to keep flood waters from the James River out of the city, but this time the water was not coming downstream, it was coming from above. Well.....the city's custodians, never thought to open the gates to the flood wall, so when all that rain came down, it had no where to go! The City's Shockoe Bottom (the lowest point in town), suffered a flash flood that submerged the first floor of all of the bars, restaurants, art galleries and other businesses in the bottom! It cost millions to restore the damage!

Tonight I'm reflecting on some of the wonderful people I have come to know here on blogger over the last year and half. If I don't mention you tonight, don't fret. I love you all and will eventually get around to you too!

There is a lovely girl in Scotland, who wasted no time in welcoming me to Blogger, and giving me her friendship! You all know her as Caroline, but I know her as my BGFF! We are both Sisters of the Order of the Immaculate Epilation! We embrace immaculately hairless bodies, as a sacrament of our sisterly order, and of course we both view the epilator, as a sacred device! A smooth hairless hug to you, Caroline!

I have already mentioned our brave and wondrous little goddess, Lisa, who is now off to the Canary Islands all by herself, after just coming out full time! Where does this dear little woman get her nerve to conquer all obstacles in her path? I am so proud of her!

Next is Lucy! This lovely girl has survived the horrible ordeal of cancer! Now she is planning her future, as the woman she has always known she was! She is adorning her body with images that speak to her heart. Before I met Lucy, I was never a fan of tattoos on women, but this dear sweet girl has described the tats she has and wants to get, as an expression of her very soul. What I once found strange, I now find beautiful! Thank you Lucy, for opening up my eyes! You are truly a beautiful woman! I must confess, I have had to wipe away a few tears here!

And then there is Jenny, "The Large Blooming Flower"! All seven beautiful feet of her! I don't think I have heard of a more beautiful relationship, than what she and her understanding wife have! Far from being a menacing hulking giant, Jenny is a lovely sweetheart, dedicated to supporting her trans sisters. She is definitely an inspiration to all of us, especially us tall gals!

I would be remiss to not mention a sweet and intelligent sister up in Ontario. Of course I am speaking of Halle, who shares my taste for some very beautiful classical music, but also has a heart of pure gold! Thanks Halle, for being my friend, and for sharing not only your music, but your personal experiences with me!

Then skipping on down to Florida, we find Elly! Our road running Gold Coast girl! Elly, like Jenny is another sweetheart, whose wife has reluctantly accepted her trans status, and is trying hard to understand and accept it. A warm embrace to both Elly and her dear loving wife! Elly by the way, recently had to endure an episode of police harassment, while out taking a jog. Is there a Bronze Star equivalent for trans-people, who have to endure the assaults of the ignorant and the malevolent? If not, their should be, and Elly deserves one!

Now, there is an adorable natal woman down in North Carolina, who goes by the name of, The Cross Dressers Girlfriend. I have a great affinity for her, because long ago, I once thought that I was merely a cross dresser, and longed to have a girlfriend like her, who embraced my gender variance. I have long since realized, that I am way past being simply a cross dresser, but a part of me still adores girls like her. After all, I am a lesbian at heart, but I could never be the man her cross dresser is, and the man that she needs! Besides, I'm old enough to be her mother, for crying out loud! Joni, you do know that I adore you!

These are just some of the wonderful people I have met here on Blogger over the last year and a half. If I failed to mention your name, it doesn't mean for one second that I adore you any less. Of course I love you too! I'm just running out awake time, and if I continued on, I afraid I couldn't do you justice. Later my lovelies!

Melissa XX

They're Baaaaaack!

2010-09-26T00:28:00.008-04:00

No.....this isn't Poltergeist revisited. What I'm talking about, is the return of the flies! Every year in late September I am visited by a horde of zuzu flies. I call then zuzu flies, for lack of a better word. They are a small, but extremely aggressive and very vexing breed of fruit flies. They are fearless little buggers, that buzz about your face while you are eating. They fly into your nostrils, and aren't the least concerned with your attempts to swat them away! They are truly little flies from hell!

They are attracted to the remnant morsels of meals left behind in the trash can. I take my trash to the dump once a week, but there are always a few flying about the house to repopulate the trash can, as new material is added. I think I am going to have to resort to chemical warfare. Maybe a daily spritz of Raid will bring on their demise.

Another day in the 90's today! On the eleven o'clock news, I heard that this was the 77th day since last spring, that we have had temperatures of 90°F or higher. If this summer hasn't set a record, it certainly has come close to one.

I was re-reading this wonderful poem today:

JABBERWOCKY
Lewis Carroll
(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

Does anyone know where I can obtain a vorpal sword? I haven't seen any signs of a Jabberwocky, but I think there might be a frumious Bandersnatch or two roaming the tulgey woods out back. And who knows, It might even help me slay a zuzu fly or two!

Melissa XX

97 Degrees After The Autumnal Exuinox?

2010-09-25T04:50:00.002-04:00

Well, it was the day after the Autumnal Equinox, but you certainly could have fooled me! The temperature topped out at 97°F/36.1°C! Shades of late July, and early to mid August! Actually, it wasn't just today, it's been in the upper nineties for the last few days. It seems as though, since summer had such a death grip on us for so long, she was really enjoying it, and simply didn't want to let go. She's had no concern for our suffering whatsoever. The bitch!

We get a summer like this every 7-10 years, or so. There is virtually no Spring, and by May, the temperatures are already up in the 90's . It stays that way through June and July, and into late August, then up and down through September. It's taken its toll on Virginia's reservoirs. They are all way below their normal banks, and municipalities are issuing restrictions on water consumption. No watering lawns, hosing down driveways, or washing cars!

Not a problem for me! Number one) I'm on a well. Number two) I have a gravel drive way, and number 3) my truck only gets washed whenever it rains!

Hey, I'm no fool! I've been thorough a much worse drought, and never lost my well water. In fact the last time we had a sever drought, the quality of my well water actually improved! In times of abundant rainfall, I get a large amount of black slate sediment in my water, but during periods of heavy drought, that slate sediment seems to vanish All I can chalk that up to, is the slower flow doesn't flush as much sediment out of the aquifer.

Near century mark temperatures or not, make no mistake about it, Autumn has arrived! The harvest moon is here! I tried to get a good picture for you, but with the humidity, the sky was just too hazy. So this Wikipedia Pic will have to do:

I also tried to get a shot of Jupiter, I don't know if you have ever looked at Jupiter, or Saturn through a telescope, but they are both sights you never want to miss, even if only on low power. I have a new telescope that I haven't used yet. I think it will soon be time to get it out. It's still a bit early. Tonight when I went out to take pictures of the moon, I was attacked by mosquitoes. A month from now those little buggers will be gone. Once they have gone into hibernation, planet and star gazing will be more practical. In the mean time, hear is a Wikipedia photo of the magnificence of Jupiter!

Someone here that I hold very dear (V), left a second comment on a recent blog of mine, apologizing for her earlier remarks. Of course there was no need for her to do that! I love her dearly , and respect her so much for what she has been through. It's very strange to to be apologized to by someone that you have always looked up to. You know who you are sweetie, and I want you to know that you could never, ever offend me! Don't ever be afraid to tell me the truth as you see it!

V has been a wonderful source of support for me, along with so many other perfectly lovely women. How could I not adore all of you? Just a little over a year ago, I was all alone. I may never reach the heights that many of you have, or will, but each and every one of you will always be a cherished sister to me.

Oh, and just in case you didn't know, V is for Veronica!

Melissa XX

A Difficult Balancing Act

2010-09-22T23:20:00.005-04:00

While at my mother's on Monday evening, we were all sitting around in her den. She is approaching 90 years old, and has had a Life Alert wrist band for a couple of years now, but she has accidently set it off on several occasions, probably from bumping her wrist into things, as she walked about her apartment.

She got a flier in the mail for a new system from another company, and it turned out that they charged less per month for their service, so she ordered their system, and canceled her old service. The trouble is, Mom doesn't have a clue when it comes to anything technical. The equipment that she received in the mail consisted of a base station, that needed to be hooked up to her telephone line, a pendant with a pushbutton to wear around her neck while at home, and a portable device about the size of a cell phone to take with her when she went out. In the event of a fall, all she would have to do is push the button on the pendant around her neck, or on the portable device she took out with her, and they would talk to her on it, and find out whatever kind of help she needed, and send it on it's way. The mobile device had GPS capability, so they could locate her wherever she was. The only problem was, the whole system had to be set up and activated, and she didn't have the slightest idea how to do it. So my sister volunteered to help her. It turned out to be a very convoluted process of making several calls to the company that sold the device, checking that the base station was properly hooked up, then setting it up with a call, then setting up the pendant with another call, then taking the mobile device outside of her 12 story building along with a cell phone, so they could talk to her, and making sure they could communicate with the mobile device, before setting it up as well. The whole process took nearly and hour, and involved several back and forth phone calls! I sat there in amazement during the whole process, and wondered how in the world they expected old people with no technical experience, to understand their complicated set-up? Mom could never have done it by herself. It took her years to learn how to operate the digital timer on her microwave oven. Fortunately, my sister was able to do it for her, and she is now good to go!

I digress. What I really wanted to write about, was not being able to completely relax and be myself, even when I'm with the two people that have given me their loving support. On Monday evening for instance, while we were sitting around in my mother's den, and my sister was trying to activate my mother emergency help system, I just happened to notice that my niece was wearing a pretty new pair of studded red flats. She had her legs crossed, and in a typical female way, she was moving her foot around, and admiring the way they looked on her. I wanted so much to say, "I really like your new flats. Don't you just love pretty red shoes?", but how in the world am I supposed to say that when in male mode, with my macho bother-in-law, who I haven't come out to, sitting right next to her? I'm afraid that would have been far too weird! Not for me, but definitely for him.

In spite of some of my more critical comments about him in past posts, he actually can be a fairly nice guy, when he's on his meds, and he seems to have been doing that for the last several weeks. Other than an incident a couple of weeks ago, where he flung a morsel of food off of his fork into the face of my niece, as he gestured wildly without thinking ,while talking and eating (reminiscent of the time he soaked my pants and place setting at a nice restaurant, when he knocked his full water glass over onto me, while talking and waving his hands about), he's been fairly calm and pleasant, but even so, he is still completely clueless about anything feminine. He was raised with just one brother, and no sisters, and spoiled rotten by his mother, so unfortunately, he never learned to take females very seriously, and he is clearly uncomfortable when the conversation becomes female centric.

Because I live close to an hour west of Richmond, Monday evening is the only time, other than holidays, or tragedies, that I get to see my sister and niece. It's very frustrating to go there, and feel like I have to hold back on my self-expression, for fear of freaking out the one and only macho male in the room. The trouble is, I've always hated to make anyone uncomfortable. I suppose that's the main reason I never pushed my gender identity with my mother, once she made it clear to me early in life, that feminine behavior in boys was unacceptable to her.

When I first started out, at what turned out to be a 37 year career at my last job, I was still carefree, and innocent. I freely expressed my sense of humor, and I emoted without even thinking about it, but I soon found out that sort of liberty of spirit and emotion, alienated me from most of the males I worked with, and I gradually became withdrawn. Where I was once jovial, and felt free to joke and kid, I began to doubt my sense of humor. My humor was met with blank stares, or worse, looks bordering on contempt. Where I was once naturally compassionate, I began to withhold my compassion, for fear of offending their macho sensibilities. I had to shut myself down, and become a completely different person to get along with them. It ruined me, and I just hated it. My brother-in-law, as decent as he can be when he's taking his meds, still reminds me so much of those men I used to have to work with. I had hoped that when I retired, I would be done with those types of males, but now I find that I still have to deal with one every week, when I should be free to be my self around the two people I love most in this world. I'm slowly trying to push the envelope with him, but my need to be polite and accommodating is making it a difficult balancing act. It would be so much easier if I could just ignore his sensibilities, but I can't. If I did that, then I would be just like him, and I would hate myself.

Melissa XX

Cards, Colorful Bags, Chocolate Cake, & Good Cheer

2010-09-20T22:33:00.005-04:00

Getting off the elevator on the tenth floor of my mother's apartment building this evening, my nose was instantly greeted with the pleasant aroma of some truly wonderful cooking. My first thought was, supper is really going to be good tonight, but as I proceeded down the hall to my mother's apartment at the end of the building, the pleasant aroma faded. Rats! Someone else was going enjoy that delightful smelling meal. Then I opened my mother's door, I have my own key. Hmmm.......smell's pretty good in here too, I thought! I saw mom back in the kitchen, so I walked back there to say hello. She had her electric frying pan out, and she was frying up some beautiful plump and succulent looking chicken thighs!

My sister, niece and brother-in-law were out in the dinning room, and the table was already set. Sitting next to my usual place, were two colorful gift bags, and an envelope! Hurray! They didn't forget! I opened the card first. It was from my mother and as usual, a bit on the sappy side, telling me what a wonderful "son" I was. Mom....I'm afraid, will forever be in denial about who I am. I told her that I was trans years ago, but I have never forced the issue with her, and she has never pursued it. She has never seen me dressed, or even seen a picture of the real me. She will always see me as her son. Since she's three months shy of ninety years old, I'm content to leave it that way. Enclosed within her card, was a very nice little slip of paper, with my name, her signature and some lovely numbers on it! Thank you, mom!

Now it was time to examine the colorful bags. The first was from my niece. She's 42, but still a kid at heart, and apparently she wants me to be one too! There were two items in the bag, I pulled out the first. It was fireworks! A package of Roman Candles! I said, "Oh good! Now I can set the woods on fire!" Then I pulled out the second item. It was a kit containing 80 balloons, a balloon pump and an 80 page instruction manual, with over 175 step-by-step-photos, describing how to make balloon animals. For the past few days, I have had a big red zit incubating on the end of my nose. I said, "Perfect! I've already got the red nose! This is all I need to complete my clown act!" For the next 80 weeks, she is going to get a new balloon animal to take home with her each week, after Monday night supper.

The next colorful bag, was blue, tall and slender, with the words Happy Birthday inscribed in colorful contrasting letters. It was from my sister. There was an envelope protruding from the top. I picked it out, and opened it. It was a card with a cute little kitten, hanging out of a pocket. Unfortunately, I inadvertently left both cards at my mothers, so I can't precisely remember the exact caption, but it was something pretty close to, "I just have one question. How do you stay so adorable?" How very sweet! I just love my sister! I think she really gets it! Since I came out to her almost a year ago, she has taken times like these, to quietly acknowledge the real me. Last Christmas if you will recall, she gave me a very lovely feminine scarf to wear with my winter coat. She is such a dear!

There was a reason that the bag containing the gift she gave me, was tall and slender. It had to be, in order to accommodate the lovely bottle of Don Miguel Gascon Malbec she gave me. It comes from the high altitude vineyards of the Mendoza region, along the Cordillera of the Andes Mountains. I'm having a glass of it right now, and it's quite lovely!

Mom's chicken thighs were wonderful, and were accompanied by corn on the cob, baked acorn squash, sliced red ripe tomatoes, and cheese biscuits. For my UK readers, a biscuit here in the States usually refers to a small, typically round cake of bread, leavened with baking powder, baking soda, or sometimes yeast, not the sweetened shortbread cookie, you are probably used to. When every one was done with the main course, out came the chocolate birthday cake, and I was treated to a rousing rendition of the following song:

Happy Birthday to you!
You belong in a zoo!
You look like a monkey,
And you smell like one too!

Humiliating.........I know, but a cherished tradition in our weird little family. After an evening like that, 62 doesn't seem quite so bad.

Melissa XX

September!

2010-09-19T04:54:00.002-04:00

Well, here we are It's late September, and as Rod Stewart says,"I really should be back at school.", but unfortunately, my school days are nothing more than a distant memory. In just a few days the Autumnal Equinox will be upon us. Say what you will about the beauty of Spring, Autumn is my favorite time of year! I think because the summers here in the mid-Atlantic states are often so brutal, Autumn comes as such a blessed relief. But cooler temperatures and lower humidity, are not the only thing that makes Autumn so welcome. We have loads of deciduous trees, and if the conditions are just right, the entire Piedmont will come ablaze in mid to late October. Just up the road in the Blue Ridge Mountains, the peak time for Fall foliage is the Early to mid October.

Skyline Drive and The Blue Ridge Parkway run from north to south, along the Blue Ridge Mountains through Virginia and North Carolina, and in October the traffic along these two lane mountain roads, can be bumper to bumper with tourists out to feast their eyes on the beauty of a Blue Ridge Mountain Fall.

Tonight for supper, I lightly whipped up two large eggs, and poured them onto a plate lubricated with olive oil. Then I added onions, green, yellow, and red bell pepper slices, and broccoli florets. I topped that off with three thin slices of Virginia smoked ham, sliced ripe tomatoes, and seasoned it with salt, fresh ground black pepper, garlic powder, and a good sprinkling of grated sharp cheddar cheese. I covered it with another plate, and put it in the microwave for seven and a half minutes. The result? Heaven on a plate!

I was checking my email a bit earlier, and the president of my support group announced that she had posted pictures of several of our girls, including herself, enjoying themselves at the annual Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. It takes place every year in September. Looks like they had a good time. Everyone who goes to this conference seems to love it. It's been going on for 20 years now, and appears to have become the No. 1 trans-gender conference in the the US. Hard to believe that it was going on for over ten years, before I ever even learned about it. I've thought about going myself for several years now, but I really don't have the wardrobe for it. My wardrobe consists almost entirely of just normal everyday casual clothing, nothing fancy at all, and certainly no ball gowns. Now that might be OK for the daytime activities, but from what I have seen of the evening's activities, everyone is dressed to the nines! Oh, well! There is always next year. As popular as SCC has become, I'm sure it will be around for a while.

Something else comes up every September. My birthday! Yes, on September 21st, I will be 62 years old. That's right.......62 YEARS OLD!
I came from the generation that said. "Never trust anyone over 30!", and
now hear I am, 32 years past that deadline! Ah.........the folly of youth! Young people can never see themselves getting old, then one day, they turn fifty and look in the mirror, and suddenly they realize that they too are old. They look back over their shoulder, and wonder where in the hell their youth went! It all seemed like yesterday, but no, it was twenty or more years ago!

September usually represents the aging process. We have all heard of May/September romances, between a young and an old person, but I like to remember the old days of September in my youth, when the colleges dormitories, and off campus inner city apartments were filling up with new students for the new school year, and the prospect of great weekend parties and promising chance encounters loomed on the horizon. Those were happy innocent times.

Speaking of September, I know I am showing my age, but here is a song that always takes me back to those days. It really is a great old song, and played by an exceptional band of the time: September, by Earth Wind and Fire.

EARTH WIND & FIRE "SEPTEMBER" ORIGINAL VIDEO VERY GOOD HQ ! 1978
- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Melissa XX