To Quote Mark Twain.......

........."Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated."

OK....I know.......that line is pretty trite, but I needed a quick opening. Can you find it in your heart, you forgive me?

No........I'm not dead, nor have I been driven to ground, as one dear friend surmised. I'm afraid the explanation is much more mundane............internet problems. It seems that my trusty old wireless modem, that connected to the internet so gloriously fast for over a week, just kicked the bucket, but what did I expect? It was seriously out of shape. For two and one half years, it was connecting a cumbersome desktop to the web. A good hard pull to be sure, but never the aerobic workout it was designed for.

Wireless modems are marathon runners, not weight lifters, and my poor modem had become out of shape and muscle bound. When suddenly it was tasked with connecting the speedy laptop that it was originally designed for, it gave its all, and sent me surfing the web at blistering speeds! Then suddenly it faltered. It began to disconnect every five minutes, as if to say, "Slow down.....pant, pant......I can't keep up!" But being the cruel misstress that I am, I would dimiss its complaints, and instantly reconnect. Time and again it would try to do its duty, only to disconnect once more, then ultimately it collapsed. Presumably of heart failure. No attempts at resuscitation, could bring it back to life. Rest in peace, kind and faithful modem. You rescued me from the hell of dial-up, and for that I will be forever grateful.

We never realize how dependent we have become on our modern devices, until they are no longer available to us. For two and half days, I had no internet access at all, and I felt totally isolated from the world! No email, no internet news, no Wikipedia, no Blogger, but worst of all, I was faced with the prospect of actually writing and mailing checks to pay my bills! Imagine the horror! Now, that was just too much! Something had to be done, and it had to be done fast, so today I made the long trek into Richmond to visit my wireless provider's store, and get a new wireless USB modem.


The speed with which technology progresses never ceases to amaze me. The modem I bought to replace my nearly 3 year old modem with, was only a quarter of its size, and required no CD to to install it, because its driver was built in. It's hard to figue out the pricing of some of this communications stuff. The modem had a list price of$189.00, but was on sale for $50.00, with a $50.00 mail in rebate, making it essentially free with a new two year contract. I'm sure that at the end of two years, I will have paid far more than the actual cost of the modem, but C'est la vie!

Now that I'm back, I hope that all of the ridiculous carping over "is you is, or is you ain't a real lady" is finally over. Since there is no exact science concerning gender identity, and in spite of all of the pseudo-intellectual tripe that has been offered as science concerning transsexualism, essentially transsexualism remains a self-diagnosis. How absolutely absurd, to tell anyone you have never even met, and haven't spent any time with, that the way they self-identify is bogus! Hang in there sisters! You are who you say you are! And don't worry for one second about how pretty you are. Pettiness is not a requirement for womanhood. If you don't believe that, just take a look at all of the women around you.

I've been watching a really good documentary series on PBS, called Circus. Here are some videos from that series. If you get a chance, check it out. It's well worth the watch.

Melissa XX

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

No.......this isn't about any trans related experience. Just about some every day mundane things that I've had to deal with lately.

So my lovlies, as you all know, my I-Mac bit the dust more than a week ago, then my water system crapped out on me a couple of days ago, and today I went to wash a load of clothes, and lo and behold, my washing machine had died!...........or so I had thought.........for the better portion of the day, anyway.

I joyfully did several loads of laundry after my well pump and pressure tank were replaced yesterday, and all went well, but when I decided to do a load of whites this morning, (Yes! I do segregate my colors! No pink underwear for me, thank you!) suddenly my washer would not respond to its commands! It seems that even though it was turned off, water had been dripping into my machine overnight, caused by a tiny little piece of slate sediment stirred up by the well pump change. It was clogging a solenoid on the washer. At first I thought my washer was shot, and my heart sank! Another big expense, I thought! And that thought continued through the day today, until this evening when I was bailing out the accumulated dripping water from my washer with a sauce pan. It was a long and tedious process, and I was getting tired of it, because the configuration of the machine and its ringer in the middle, would never let me get more than half a sauce pan full of water at a time!

Then I remembered when I first installed the machine nearly 18 years ago, I had a similar problem. The wheels in my brain began to turn, and suddenly the solution popped into memory! I turned off the pump breaker, and opened the tap on the bath tub to drepressurise the water lines. This allowed the washer fill line to depressurise and clear the solenoid of its obstruction. Once the line had completely depressurised , I turned the pump breaker back on, and, voila! The machine began to drain and cycle again! Another big expense avoided, at least for now. My washer and dryer are 18 years old. How much longer can they last? The same can be said for my electric water heater. How have I avoided replacing all of these notoriously fickle appliances in all these years? Just lucky, I guess.

Please, keep your fingers crossed for me! I would love to get through another winter, with a minimum of hassles!

So, while I have you all here, have I ever told you how much I love all of you?

Melissa XX !

i

Ashokan Farewell

Since Armistice Day has morphed into Veteran's Day in the United States, and because I was so inspired by a viewing of a poignant episode of Ken Burn's documentary, The Civil War tonight, I thought I would post a video of Jay Unger and Molly Mason's "Ashokan Farewell", that Burns used as the theme song, for what turned out to be his best work ever. The American Civil War was the bloodiest war in all of our history. Tens of thousands died in battles that lasted only a few hours, as they marched headlong into each other's field of fire. It was absolute insanity, but as Ken Burns showed in his award winning documentary, it inspired the absolute best from some of the most insignificant people. People with only an elementary school education, wrote some of the most beautiful and eloquent letters back home to their loved ones. Listening to them, makes one aware of how much better those with scant little education in those days wrote, than many today with multiple university degrees. Listen to the music in this video. It is both beautiful and haunting at the same time, and a perfect tribute to all of those poor souls on both sides, who gave their lives in this horrible war.

Melissa XX

Have I Ever Shared This With You Before?

Forgive me if I have. I just couldn't resist.

Diana Krall: You Go To My Head

Enjoy!

Melissa XX

Ahhh! The Joys Of Living In The Wilderness

It's pretty and peaceful out here in the Piedmont. None of the hustle and bustle of the fast life back in town. But it requires a sense of independence that many city dwellers are unaccustomed to. There are so many things that you just take for granted when you live in a city, like uninterrupted gas for your kitchen stove, furnace, water heater, and even your fireplace if you have gas logs. You are also hooked up to a municipal water supply, that remains constant, unless a catastrophic flood takes out the water purification plant.

On Monday evening, I went to my mother's in Richmond, for supper as usual. Before I went, I took a shower. Upon my return, I wanted to wash my hands and face, so I went into the bathroom and turned on the tap. Nothing! Just a sickening gurgling sound. My first reaction was, WTF? I have been living here for nearly 18 years, and the only time I ever lost water was when the power went out, but this time the power was on, and I had just taken a shower five hours earlier. I went straight to the circuit breaker panel to see if my well pump had tripped the breaker, but it hadn't.

Flowing water is such a basic necessity of modern life. You need it to wash your body, your clothes, your dishes, and most of all...........to flush your toilets. Suddenly I felt my body being washed in that sickening flood of adrenaline, that happens whenever panic begins to set in. Oh crap! What was I going to do now? What would it cost me to replace a well pump, or pressure tank, or both? Who would I even call, that I could trust to do a decent, honest job? I went to bed that night, with the aid of two Benadryl tablets to help me take my mind off of it all and get to sleep. Otherwise I would have lain in bed all night, agonizing over it.

The next day was spent fruitlessly searching the internet for well and pump contractors in my county. I could find none. Finally I looked up the county Chamber of Commerce, something I should have done in the first place, and asked if they new of any reputable well and pump contractors that servered our county. The woman I spoke to gave me the name of a contrator that recently worked on her well, as well as several others. None were located in our county, but they were in adjacent counties, and served our area as well. I looked up the one that she said did some work for her on the internet, and they were only 25 miles away. I read their reviews and, they seemed to get good reports, so I decided to call them. The trouble was, it was late in the day by then, so I waited until the next morning. Fortunately I had several five gallon jugs of fresh water, for my drinking water dispenser, so I could at least wash my hands and face and brush my teeth.

So, this morning.........well yesterday morning actually, by the look of the clock, I called them right after breakfast. Their secretary took my call and information, and said that she would get back with me shortly, or one of their service teams would call. About 30 minutes later, I got a call from one of their technicians, and he said he would be there within 30-45 minutes! I was surprised! I was sure I would have to wait a day or two, but sure as he said, his truck pulled up in my driveway in about 40 minutes!

Now, I had spent 37 years, working in a large chemical plant, maintenance department, staffed mainly by a large contingent of........well, let's be frank.........rednecks. Many of them were some of the surliest, cocksure, hard to get along with men I have ever known. It's been so nice the last three years, to get away from that type, and I feared having to deal with it again, but these guys were great! I stood and watched them, and talked to them the whole time, and they were nothing, if not very courteous and knowledgeable good workers, and far as I could tell, honest.

It turns out, the pvc pipe connecting my well pump to the main water line, broke at the brass fitting. They said that type of pvc pipe weakens with age, and the constant torque of the pump starting and stopping, eventually broke the pipe off at that junction. The pump was still working, but it and the pressure tank under the house were 21 years old. They were amazed that it lasted that long, and said the average age of a well pump was 8-10 years. Since they had to pull the pump, to replace the old pvc pipe with new blue poly tubing, I told them to go ahead and install a new pump and pressure tank as well, so I wouldn't have to call them back six monts to a year from now. Amazingly, they pulled out 180 feet of pipe, and installed a new pump and pressure tank in just a little over two hours time! So this afternoon and evening was spent, happily doing laundry, and once again giving toilets a well needed flush! Now I await the bill for their services. I'm expecting anywhere between $1,200 to $2,000. I'll let you know what the damage is, when the bill arrives in the mail, but whatever, as the old folks say, "C'est la vie"!

It was a beautiful autumn day to be outside! The temperature was in the low to mid 60's, thanks to a high pressure system stalled out over the eastern part of the US. The sky was azure, (If we were in central Asia, I would say it was, "Azure by John!") and the remaining turning leaves basked in the glory of the late autumn sun! There were so many uncollected leaves on the ground, that the well technicians lost a few electrical butt splice connectors under them. No worry though, since they had a well equipped service truck, filed with whatever they needed. No Jacklegs, these guys. They were true professionals!

On to other things.

I'm a peaceful type, and I tolerate a wide range of opinion, provided it's done in a civil manner. That's why it pained me so much to shut my blog down to someone yesterday. Ironically, for the ultra orthodox transwoman that I blocked, the only other person I have ever done that to before, was a fetishistic transvestite, who had a very kinky, sexually suggestive avatar. While I have nothing but love for all transgender people, wherever they stand on the gender spectrum, my blog is not sexually oriented, nor is it a blog for long running feuds with the transsexual elite. All those however, with open minds, open hearts, who are calm of nature, and possess a relatively good sense of taste (According to my judgement.........well........it is my blog after all!), and a good sense of humor, are perfectly welcome. I have to say that I was touched by all of the comments on my blog in support of me, and especially all of the emails! What lovely, supportive friends we have here, in our own little corner of the blogosphere!

Melissa XX

Daylight Savings Time Comes To An End

Greetings my lovelies!

Tonight marks the end of Daylight Savings Time here in the US. At 2:00 AM, we turn our clocks back one hour. This is better than when the reverse is true in the spring, because it means we get an extra hour to lounge between the sheets in the morning! The downside for many, is that it will now start to get dark by about 5:30 PM. That has never bothered me. I can relate to the night. Unlike Dracula however, I don't consider the barking of my neighbor's dogs in the middle of the night, to be beautiful music. No children of the night, these dogs.............just a bunch of rowdy yappers, but a fan in the bedroom drowns them out.

Actually, the early onset of darkness has it's advantages, for me at least. For one, it means one less hour a day, that my obsessive/compulsive disordered next door neighbor can run her noisy ass, gasoline powered leaf blower! What I've often been tempted to do with that infernal machine, is just too obscene to mention in this blog.

It also means that while driving home from my mothers in Richmond on Monday evenings, I won't have the setting sun shining directly into my eyes, although if I'm honest, that actually ceases to be problem by early to mid September, since my drive is to the northwest. I do prefer the coziness of the dark cockpit, lit only by the glow of the light from the instrument panel and radio. There is just something very intimate about riding down the highway in a car at night, with the radio, or CD player playing your favorite station or album. You're in your own little world. You can't see the other drivers, and they can't see you. I suppose those so inclined could interpret it as a regression.......a desire to return to the womb. I don't know about that, nor do I really care. At 62, I'm not about to tell my nearly ninety year old mother, that I want back inside, because I really don't, besides that would be way too icky to even imagine! So, nope........nothing quirky about it, I just like night driving.

I was out driving around the countryside today, and while there are still plenty of leaves left on the trees in the Piedmont, sadly we are now past peak color. The brilliant reds, yellows and bright oranges have been replaced by pale greens, muted yellows, muted ambers, and browns. From my rear deck, I can once again see the houses on the other side of the pond, where only a month ago, they were obscured by the jungle of foliage between my house and the north bank. Two weeks from now all the color will be gone, and most of the trees will be bare. The shameless exhibitionism of Autumn, will be replace by the stark dignified beauty of the oncoming winter. It's currently 28.7° F/- 2.3° C, and I'm comfortably ensconced in front of a glowing quartz heater. Radiant quartz heaters are the next best thing to a crackling fire. Maybe even better, since they take only a fraction of the time to come up to temperature.

My new Mac Book Pro laptop has me mesmerized! I'm using the same wireless USB modem that I used with my now defunct I-Mac, but the connection speed with the lap top is ten times faster! No more ten minute waits for videos to play! I also prefer the tactile sensation of the keyboard, to the I-Mac. It seems to be much more sensitive. On the I-Mac, I always felt like I had to pound the keys pretty hard, or I would miss a character. The Mac Book keyboard is also back lit, making each character stand out. I was a bit taken back by the smaller screen size at first, but since it's sitting on my lap, directly in front of my face, and I can easily enlarge the text, or picture it's not a problem. I've never had a lap top before, so it took some getting used to. Eventually, I had to plug my trackball mouse into it, not only because I had become so used to the convenience of a trackball, but because I couldn't figure out which keys corresponded to the left and right mouse buttons. The Mac Book has a wonderful finger pad, that you can use one finger to move the cursor, or two fingers to scroll the page up and down or left and right, but I still haven't figured out the corresponding left and right click keys. Does anybody have any ideas?

A very dear sweet girlfriend came to my defense yesterday in an email, when a now notorious TS pedant, and drive by shooter, decided once again to spray my blog with her reactionary bullets. At 62 years old, I have so much scar tissue from far worse attacks, that bullets of this sort do no more than leave a small bruise. She is at least my age. Surely she must know by now, that while the heart remains soft for those who deserve its warmth, the skin thickens to protect it from the attacks of those who don't. What a shame she is so self-satisfied. Coming from the same generation, she and I could have been such great friends, but she burned that bridge, with her very first judgmental comment on my blog. I'm so sorry about that. Hopefully she will someday learn the truth revealed by Albert Einstein.....that everything is relative. That is a law that applies not only to the cosmos, but to everything within it, including our own existence. A lack of that fundamental understanding, or an unwillingness to accept it, has been at the root of every human misunderstanding, since the dawn of mankind. Unfortunately it will very likely remain so, and that is the curse of the human race.

Well now.......you all know me, and I'm not about to end my blog on a negative note. My dear sweet girlfriend in Arizona is not the only one who has supported me. There are so many of you who have expressed your love, kindness, and solidarity with me, since I've started my blog, that I am truly overwhelmed. How could I not love you all?

Melissa XX

Mahler 4th Symphony part 4. Kathleen Battle

I've posted this number before, by Edith Mathis, but I have to post it again; this time by Kathleen Battle. She has such a lovely voice, and just look at her! Isn't she absolutely beautiful?




Melissa XX

Super Fast Computers & Valiant Handmaidens On Flying Horses!

Wow! This Mac Book Pro is a rocket ship, compared to my I-Mac. It's not that the I-Mac is an inferior machine, it's just that my wireless USB modem works so much faster with the Mac Book, than it did with my desk top I-Mac. For years, because I live so far out of town, I was stuck with a super slow dial-up connection, that made web surfing a real pain, and watching videos virtually impossible. When I bought my I-Mac, I asked the salesman if a wireless USB modem would work with it. I knew they worked with laptops, so I assumed they would work with desk top computers as well. He told me that the speed would be significantly limited if I used it on a desk top computer. For a while, I hobbled along on my I-Mac using my old dial up connection, then I decided to give wireless a try. The wireless modem I got said it was capable of speeds up to 1.5 mbps, but when hooked up to my I-Mac, the fastest speed I ever saw was 750 kpbs, and average speeds were only about 150-250 kpbs. Still, much faster than dial up's 26-40 kpbs, so I considered it a great improvement, but it still took 5-10 minutes to download a Youtube video.

When my I-Mac went for a shit last week, I panicked! I've come to rely on having a reliable internet connection, not just for blogging, but for on line banking, paying all of my bills, and shopping. Suddenly I was completely isolated, with no other connection to the outside world, other than my telephone line and cell phone. Something had to be done, and quickly. So I drove into Richmond, and bought a Mac Book Pro at the Apple Store. When I got it home, I hooked it up to my wireless USB modem, and started it up. At first I just did text pages, so I didn't notice much difference, but the next day I went to a message board I frequently go to, and noticed that pictures that used to take 30 seconds or more to load in, appeared instantly. Hmm.......that was fast, I thought. Then yesterday, I downloaded a video, and it immediately began to play, and never once paused for buffering. Suddenly my eyes were bugging! I couldn't believe it! After over 20 years of available internet service in the US, I was finally able to achieve genuine broadband speed! Lucky me! I live directly adjacent to an Interstate highway, with cell phone towers every few miles, so my reception is great, but my fellow county citizens, who live off the beaten track, are probably lucky to get a signal at all. They do have the option of satellite, if they can get an unobstructed view of the southern sky. Something that isn't always readily available when you have a lot of tall trees around your property, as I have found.

Well........with the miserable 2010 elections a fait accompli, there is nothing left to do, other than to bury oneself in diversions until the ugly political nightmare is over. So I just slapped in a DVD of Tristan und Isolde, courtesy of a very lovely present from my equally lovely sister. I know there is a lot of criticism of Wagner, because of his horrible and inexcusable anti-semitic views, but as someone who has had to hide their trans nature for most of my life, I'm used to compartmentalizing things, so separating the despicable racist Wagner, from the musical genius Wagner has never been a problem for me. Fortunately his indefensible racism died with him, while his beautiful music lives on. His, Der Ring des Nibelungen is absolutely one of my favorite series of operas. His operas aren't quite the sweet lilting romantic creations of a Verdi, or a Puccini, but they do possess a certain grandeur and sense of drama that captivates one's senses. I would love to see a screen adaptation of the Ring series. It's such a great story! If done well, it could easily rival the very successful Lord of The Rings trilogy. I mean, how could a mere Hobbit, or Elf ever compete with one of Odin's Valkyrie?

Click on this picture if you need to, to enlarge it, and gaze into the eyes of this fearless determined mythological creature, and her loyal valiant horse. She is on a mission, and nothing is going to stop her!

You too can be like the Valkyrie! All you have to do is believe in yourself.

I believe in all of you!

Melissa XX

Depressing Things.

I was so very sad to read Rebecca's blog post, The End on her blog, A Life Reborn. She, like so many unfortunate Americans is currently unemployed, and she just got a $700 bill from her endocrinologist for blood work, that her insurance company is refusing to pay. Of course she can't afford to pay outrageous medical bills like that completely out of her own pocket, so she is putting a halt to her transition. You see, in the wealthiest country in the world, insurance companies, not doctors, determine what your medical needs are. Unless you work for a self-insured major corporation, that has been shamed into covering TG related care, forget about your insurance covering it. Thus, thousands of people are forced to either forgo HRT and transition altogether, or resort to on-line pharmacies, that the US pharmaceutical industry is doing everything in their power to shut down. Such is life in the land of the free and the home of the brave, yet we have a substantial percentage of our electorate, that seems perfectly content to have these corporate racketeers continue to lead us around by a ring in our nose. To do otherwise in their convoluted way of thinking, would be giving ourselves over to the slavery of socialism, that our "Muslim dictator" wants us all to live under. I'm speaking of course of the Tea Party, headed by none other than that notorious twit, and former Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Truly, I'm beginning to worry about the future of my country.

Melissa XX

Greetings From My New Mac Book!

Sorry, but I've been incommunicado for the last several days. For over three good years, my I-Mac served me well, never giving me a moment's trouble. Then last week, I kept getting the spinning color wheel of doom. Restarting it seemed to take care of the problem, but a few hours later, the spinning wheel would return. Restarting always took care of the problem until a few days ago. Then suddenly, the spinning color wheel of doom came up, and the only way to shut it off was to shut the computer down, but this time when the computer was started back up, it refused to reboot. Instead I just kept just kept getting messages to restart my computer. Repeated attempts at doing that failed though. I didn't know what else to do.

So, I hopped in the Dakota today, and trekked on into the west end of Richmond this afternoon. Since I wanted another I-Machine, I was immediately drawn to the place where I bought my I-Mac over three years ago, but when I pulled into the parking lot, the store was no longer there, having been replaced with an Office Max. Nevertheless, I went inside to see if they sold Mac's. A dear sweet young woman met me, and asked if she could help. I asked her if they sold Mac's and sadly, she said no. Then I asked her if she knew the nearest location of an Apple store, and happily she said, yes! How sweet of her. She told me there was one in the Short Pump Town Center Mall, just a couple of miles to the west.

So, off I drove, and when I arrived at the huge open air mall, I began to search for a parking space. I haven't been there in several years, so I couldn't believe it! There wasn't a parking space to be had within a quarter of a mile of where I needed to go. I weaved back and forth through one lot and the next, before lucking out and encountering someone leaving in a distant lot. As soon as they pulled out, I immediately dove into the vacant space, before anyone coming in the opposite direction could claim it. Yes, unfortunately it's dog eat dog when it comes to shopping center parking! Spaces were filled up, all the way to the outer fringes.

Once out of the Dakota, finding the store was another experience. I had only been there once before, about six years ago, and then only to go to a specific restaurant. The place was so huge that even after looking at the posted directory, it took me another ten to fifteen minutes to find the Apple Store. In fact I walked right passed it once, but eventually I found it, and waked in. Immediately my heart sank, There must have been a gazillion people in the store! I thought I would have to wait an eternity to be served. I slithered through the maddening crowd, which for some odd reason or another, seemed to consist of a large number of young Chinese males in cadet uniforms, totally enamored of the display of I-Phones. There were also a lot of middle class white Americans surrounding the Mac Books. To my surprise, when I wasn't looking at them for more than two minutes, a somewhat geeky guy approached me, and asked if he could help me. Was I just lucky, or did he have the power to discern a serious customer from a tire kicker? Or did he think I was a fellow geek as well? Hey don't laugh! I have not doubt how geeky I come off in boy mode! I'll never know for sure, I'm just glad that he picked me out of the multitudes! At least it's good for something!

At any rate, he was great! He asked all the right questions, and gave all the right answers! A far cry from some of the completely clueless tech sales people I have had to deal with in other stores. Within 20 minutes, I was out of there with a brand new Mac Book Pro, sold to me for a $100+ corporate discount, because he saw my retiree ID Card from my former employer, when I opened my wallet to take out my debit card. Good thing I worked for a major international corporation, instead of for Joe Schmoe's corner store. Why is it that Government and corporate employees, and their retirees get a break, when Joe Schmoe's employees, who only make minimum wage have to pay full price??? Something is very screwy, and frankly quite rotten about our American capitalistic system, when the the well off get $100 discounts, and the indigent have bear the full cost! What's up with that? It galls me, but I suppose in the overall unfair scheme of things, I should just consider myself lucky to be able to go out and buy a new computer at will. There was a day when I wouldn't have been able to either, discounts or not.

But that's neither here, nor there. I just got back on line, where I can keep up with all of you! And that brings me to a somber note. Veronica, from Right Side Up, appears to be putting an end to her lovely blog. I sincerely hope she invites some of us at least, to view her new writings. Surely, we should now be thinking of this lovely sweet post-op woman, in terms that transcend transsexualism .

Well........as much as I love Autumn, we are creeping past peak color here in the Virginia Piedmont. Don't get me wrong, it's sill quite beautiful around here, but probably half of the leaves have turned and fallen. It seems that the most colorful trees right now, are the hickories. They are a deep orangey yellow, and really stand out in the late evening sun. Very beautiful indeed! Some of the Gums didn't turn their blazing red this year, simply turning yellow instead. Hot dry summer? Who knows? But the Maples never seem to fail us, and most of them were absolutely shameless! Deep red- orange in color, they certainly seemed to be ablaze!

Yesterday saw my bi-weekly supplication to the Goddess of Epilation. As High Priestess of the Church of the Immaculate Epilation, it is my solemn duty to keep my body from being defiled by unwanted hair, so I had no choice but to submit to the cleansing ritual. 45 minutes later, all was smooth and silky, and the deity was once again pleased. I am now at peace!

Melissa XX

Oh Dear! I Tought I Had Lost You All!

I was having difficulties with my computer today. It seemed that I was frequently encountering what our dear sweet adorable Lori in Phoenix has described as, the "Mac, color wheel of death."

Those of you with Mac's surely know what I'm talking about. Suddenly your program freezes, and you are relegated to staring at a colorful spinning wheel, as though you were watching a perpetual edition of Wheel Of Fortune! No amount of mouse clicking, or "cntrol esc" punching can free you from this monster. You simply have to turn off your machine for an extended period of time, and allow all of the flip fops to resume to zero. (The term "flip flops" is an arcane reference to solid state devices, that store digital information in the binary language of ones and zeroes, not unlike we simple minded human beings, who store Gender information, strictly in the form of Male and Female!).

After three hours without power, I decided to re-boot my faithful I-Mac, and........Wal -la! There it was! Apparently, all it needed was a rest, to calm it's mind from all of the BS floating out there on the interwebs. True transsexuals, fake transsexual, misguided transvestites..............it all makes my head hurt!

Only you can determine who and what you are. Who is more transsexual than someone else? Who the hell cares?

I love all of you! Primary, Secondary, Type V, Type VI, Group I, or Group II, you are all in my heart, and you are all very dear to me!!!

Melissa XX

An Audio Transgender Sucess Story (from NPR)

Teresa Sparks speaks out on NPR's All Things Considered.

There is no one transsexual story. We are all unique. Don't ever let anyone intimidate you into thinking, that you are not a true transsexual, no matter what they claim their expertise to be. Transsexualism is a self-diagnosis. Only you, can define who and what you truly are.

Melissa XX

For Caroline

Isn't this one of your favorites?



Melissa XOXO

We Are Not Psychopaths!

A little eccentric maybe, but certainly not off our rockers!


The recent sensational news reports, and lurid photos of the twisted former Canadian Air Force Base commander, who broke into the homes of women and adolescent girl's to steal their underwear, and who eventually raped and brutally murdered two women, has undoubtedly sent shockwaves through the trans community. Is there any doubt, that there are now ignorant transphobes saying, "See! I told you that those people are all sick!"

But let's get real. Col. Williams was a psychopath, plain and simple. It has long been known, that trans people are categorically among some of the most peaceful nonviolent people on the planet. Make sure that you let everyone who makes that simple minded equation, know what the truth is. The media outlets that reported this story should have had the decency to make that distinction, but in this new age of yellow journalism, sensationalism is all that matters. The scum!

On A Lighter Note

Tonight I enjoyed one of my favorite Saturday night pastimes; watching re-runs of Are You Being Served, and Keeping Up Appearances on my local Public Television station. Are You Being Served has to be one of the funniest sit-coms ever. There are not many shows on TV that will invoke audible laughter from me, but I laugh out loud (That's LOL! to all of you texters.*wink*) every time I watch that show. I just love all of the characters, especially Mrs. Slocombe, and Mr. Humphries. I've probably seen most of the shows, because PBS has been running them every weekend since the early 90's, but I still laugh every time I see them. I used to think that All In The Family was the best sit-com from that era, but I think Are You Being Served out shines even that venerated comedy.



And of course who couldn't laugh at the hysterical antics of social climbing, Hyacinth Bucket, and her embarrassing dysfunctional extended family, in Keeping up Appearances? Great comedies, both! I'm so glad they are both still in syndication.

Melissa XX

Magical!

I've spoken before about my love for the works of Gustav Mahler. Listening to this snippet of his Symphony No.1, 1st movement, is it any wonder why? This is on my list of music to meet my maker by! The trouble is, I'm an agnostic. I wonder if my maker will be there to share it with me?

Maker or not, who could ever resist the magnificent voice of Luciano Pavarotti? My sister shared this with me today, and I would be remiss to not share it with you. It's quite famous, so I know you have all heard it before, but how could you not want to hear it again? From Turandot, Luciano Pavarotti sings Nessun Dorma. If there are angels, some of them must sound like this!







Melissa XX

Early Color In The Piedmont

These aren't the best pictures. Unfortunately, they were all taken in haste. Some from a moving vehicle, and some with a slightly shaky hand. If you click on each pic, you can open it up, and another click will expand it to full size. These beautiful trees are analogous to all of us. Some are in a more advanced state of development than others. Some seem to have barely progressed at all, and some will do their utmost, only to turn brown and go dormant. Yet all are beautiful in their own right.







Melissa XX

Rocky and Bullwinkle

They were once the best of pals, but Rocky had a secret. Turns out he was a transspecies. Unhappy with his life as a rodent, Rocky went into therapy, and later sought medical help to become the human he always felt he was inside. It was an amazing success story! After years of torturous electrolysis, and massive doses of anabolic steroids, Rocky not only achieved his life long dream of becoming a human, but went on to become Heavyweight Champion of the World! He is now living in stealth, with his wife Adrian in Philadelphia. She knows nothing of his past life, as a cartoon squirrel.

Sadly, when Rocky became human, he could no longer relate to his old pal Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle always wanted to become human too, but there was that little problem with his antlers. They would always grow back, making it impossible for him the pass as a human. Rocky wanted nothing more to do with him, for fear that camaraderie with a lowly cartoon moose, would remind people of his past, and cast a pall over his marriage to Adrian. He was also afraid that once the news got out that he used to be a super flying squirrel, his boxing opponents would cry foul, and petition the boxing commission to strip him of his title.

At last notice, Bullwinkle was still in mourning over the loss of his old pal, and was seeking solace in friendship with Boris and Natasha, who had emigrated to the west after the fall of the Soviet Union. Although mere cartoon humans, Boris and Natasha turned out to be great fiends. Even though Bullwinkle found it impossible to permanently shed his antlers, they still accepted him as a human being, and a dear friend.

Rocky, before the change:




Melissa *wink*

Is There Anything More Stinking Than Burned Microwave Popcorn?

I was experimenting with different methods of nuking popcorn tonight, in order to get more kernels popped. I should have taken the directions on the bag for granted. Surely they knew what they were talking about, but I wanted to push the envelope! Well......I pushed the envelope alright, and I crashed an burned! Twice! The first bag, while totally inedible, only needed to go into the waste basket.The second bag was smoking so bad, that it had to be taken outside, and used in a religious ceremony, as a burnt offering to the deity!


The above picture is proof that autumn has arrived her in the Piedmont. The burning bush is a Dogwood; Virginia's state tree. This picture doesn't actually do the colors justice, since it was shot through a tinted windshield, very late in the afternoon. There is actually a lot more color in the Piedmont right now, than what this picture is showing, but our subdivision has a lot of white oaks, and they tend to stay green until they just turn brown. Our prettiest trees in the fall, are the Gums, Maples, Dogwoods, and Red Oaks. We still have a couple of weeks before peak season, so I will try to get you some pics in brighter colors.

About fifty miles away, up on the Blue Ridge Parkway, it will soon look like this!

Is this not the most beautiful time of year? I've always loved autumn. I think it has a lot to do with my old school memories. Fall was a time when once again, I was surrounded by the females that I so much identified with. I loved the annual return to school, for that very reason. Of course because of my closeted status, I could never reveal this, so I tried to live a secret female life vicariously, through my relationships with them.

Ah.......but if only it could have been so simple! You see, I also had to share classes with boys, and in those days especially, boys and girls did not mix outside of dating situations, unless of course the boys were effeminate gays, and then only at their own risk. The male bullies specifically targeted them. Those of us who where TG, but still attracted to females, often ashamedly found cover in that homophobic sexism. Yes, it was at the expense of our own integrity, and self-esteem, and yes, we were thoroughly ashamed of it, but unfortunately it was the only way our immature minds knew how to deal with this social paradox we were forced to live with.

If we hung around with, and acted like one of the boys, we could avoid getting our ass beat, by one or more of the misogynistic, homophobic thugs, that every school always had, and unfortunately still does. But even that didn't guarantee our safety. I narrowly escaped several beatings myself in high school, but took quite a few in junior high.

Witness the recent rash of gay kids, that have taken their own lives, because of relentless harassment from homophobic bullies. Fifty years after I fought bullies on the sidewalks of Indianapolis on the way home from school each day, gay and transgender kids are having to put up with the same damn thing! Why......after all of these five decades, has nothing changed? Is there a God? I honesty don't know, but if there is, then God love them, and God love all of us as well, because we certainly need it!

Melissa XX

Against All Odds, They Are All Home Safe!

I don't know how they did it! A woman on a message board I visit, said they would have to shoot her up with Valium, for her to be able to make the fifteen minute, 2,000 ft ride up through the 28" shaft to freedom. I don't think Valium would be strong enough for me. I think they would have had to resort to heroin!

I've spent the last 24 hours alternating between rejoicing and crying! The whole time all I could think about, was that one lone piece of lose rock in that 2,000 ft shaft, that would dislodge and jam up one of the wheels on the escape capsule, locking it in place a thousand feet below the surface. Thankfully that never happened. One thing is sure for those rescued . Relationships will certainly be reassessed, and choices will be made. My guess is that most relationships will be strengthened by this ordeal, at least that is my hope!

What was the most beautiful site out of all of this ordeal? An empty mine cavern!
Oh happy day!



Melissa XX

The Long Night Begins In Chile

Hurray! After more than two months trapped underground, the first of 33 miners has been brought to the surface! A fifteen to twenty minute trip, through over 2,000 feet of solid rock, in a 28" shaft! If that wouldn't give me a heart attack, I'm sure I would be stark raving mad from claustrophobia, by the time I reached the surface! I hope they get every one of those miner out, and then give them all an early retirement, with full benefits! They deserve it!



Melissa XX