Sunday, April 3, 2011

From Euphoria To Melancholy In Two Hours

Tonight I share my grief with Leslie Ann. We had both hoped to see our teams compete for the National College Athletic Association basketball championship, but it was not to be. After proving all of their detractors dead wrong, VCU finally bowed out to the very tenacious Butler University Buldogs in the semi-finals, and the University of Kentucky got edged out by the University of Connecticut in a one point squeaker. What a crying shame! We would have made such lovely adversaries! Leslie sweetie, you have my shoulder to cry on! May I have yours?

Pink Floyd is once again my inspiration, but with tonights defeat, the feeling is somewhat different. A bit more somber, as if all of my euphoria over the last few weeks has drained out of me, and I'm once again the one bricked up behind the wall. Try as I may to break that wall down, sooner or later, it always seems to reappear. Now, once again, here I am completely isolated in my own little world. I will live with it. I always have. That is the one constant in my life. A life of compassion and empathy for others, but nevertheless physically isolated from everyone else, simply because close social interactions are just too painful to bare. After all, how does one comfortably relate socially to cis folk, when one feels like a butterfly trying desperately to burst the seams of her cocoon, but never quite able to get out?

Enough of this dark moody stuff! I can't overcome it, so I will have to do as I've always done, and just find a way to learn to live with it. And there you have it. No suicide attempts, half hearted or otherwise. Just a long dull semi-depressive life of coping with the inevitable, punctuated with brief moments of euphoria, coupled to the thrills and adventure of others. A sad life, isn't it?

And speaking of Pink Floyd, here is an interesting critique, albeit a bit dated, and the the video link has unfortunately been disabled by those owning the rights to the music.

Here's the original.


As always, I love you all!
Melissa XX




9 comments:

Leslie Ann said...

Thanks for the empathy, Melissa. Truly, Kentucky fans had no expectation of them getting this far, so it was all gravy (at least to me). Perhaps Wildcat Nation will be up in arms about poor shot selection or some such. I just thought it a great unexpected ride, a memory to be coddled for years to come.

I didn't see the VCU game (meeting night), but they were astonishingly good in previous games. A big step forward for the program. Shaka Smart is a great coach with a great name.

No tears here, but my shoulder is available.

Caroline said...

Was the cheerleading any good!?

Caroline xxx

Melissa said...

Sadly Caroline, the TV broadcasters failed to profile the cheerleaders of either team, preferring to show countless commercials instead!

Melissa XX

Caroline said...

Could they have not cut some of the running about by ugly guys in silly baggy shorts, all so samey?

The cheerleaders make the dribblers look like wimps!

Caroline xxx

Suzi said...

LOL at Caroline.

I'm with you girl...those baggy shorts are insanely ugly, and I've never understood their popularity. It all seems to go back to the ghetto mentality or something. Maybe some of them shave their legs and don't want it to show.

Angel said...

I can't really comment on sports (not my thing), but I can certainly relate to the isolation and melancholy that you're experiencing. I went through something similar during the initial part of my transition. What helped me was that I found a local (30 miles away) support group, and that served to get me out of the house a couple of times a month. It made a huge difference.

Lori Grace said...

I didn't watch after my team University of Arizona lost in the elite 8.
I thought I'd come visit your blog since I've been away for a bit and stumbled onto one of my fav Floyd songs! Double WOOT!

Don't worry, just because there's a look in your eyes like black holes in the skies, you'll shine again :)

Melissa said...

@ Lori Grace

You're such a sweetheart! I know I can always count on you for a uplifting word. I really miss your blog! You were always such an inspiration.

Melissa XX

Lori Grace said...

I sometimes think of restarting my lorisrevival blog (between you and me shhh! :) ), especially when I read the posts from the bullshit, pious, privileged "I'm a REAL (TS) Woman, and you're not!" people. But I choose to not get back into that fight because ultimately it's a lost cause. I live everyday living my life as the woman I always knew myself to be, and I don't need to mock anyone, whether they be trans, cis, or (like was posted : *eew, squirm," penis womyn crossdressers!) to feel better about myself.
Thanks for sounding off there. It was nice to see you speaking out.

And for any of you who think you're better than anyone, come out from behind the computer and prove it with your real lives you trolls!