I'm getting tired, can't you tell, so this may be short.For those of you who remember, I missed last month's TG support group meeting, when at the very last minute, I had to clean up the shambles in my back yard, left by a furry marauding interloper, foraging in my garbage cans the night before. With only one meeting a month, it seemed like ages since the last meeting I attended on the first Friday in September, and I really wanted to make his one. Trips to the dump en femme are nice, and as silly as it sounds, they do help to reinforce my feminine identity, but there is nothing like direct contact with other accepting humans. So yesterday, with that in mind, I made sure all my girl clothes were washed and ironed. Today (Friday), I did my nails, then hopped on my stationary bike, and pedaled hard for an hour. Later I showered and ran the epilator over my entire body. It always feels so good, to be totally hairless. By 6:00PM I was dressed, made up, and ready to go. We've been hit with a cold front, and the temperature was suppose dip dip into the 30's tonight, so I wore my new black hooded zip front pea coat. If you have a JC Penney Christmas catalog, you can look at the women's coats and see what I'm talking about. In addition to that one, I also got the regular button front pea coat in chic red, and the hooded button front pea coat, also in black. Along with a long woolen coat, several corduroy blazers and several leather jackets, for the first time I'm in good shape for the winter as far as feminine outwear goes.
Not a lot going on tonight, just a demonstration by an electrologist, but the meeting was enjoyable nevertheless. Lots of conversation. I got to see several girls I met on my initial group encounter at the lesbian bar back in August, one of whom I just absolutely adore. She was the one, who first informed me of this group, when I first visited the web site, Pink Essence last summer. Another lovely girl in our group just started blogging here! I suspected that it was her, a fact confirmed in her subsequent blogs. Bless her heart! Apparently this sweetheart informed our group's leader, about the recent loss of my sister, because the leader called me aside and said she wanted me to come with her, so she could talk to me about something. I followed her out into the hallway outside of the conference room where we hold our meetings. She told me she was surprised to see me there, and she hugged me and told me how sorry she was to hear of the loss of my sister. It kind of caught me off guard. I am naturally a tad paranoid most of the time anyway (yeah....I'm that kind of nut), and silly me, when she told me to come with her, because she wanted to talk to me about something, I thought she was going to scold me for some errant breech of etiquette! I'm very shy in person, and until I get to know someone, situations like that can be very awkward for me. I'm sure I came off as a bit distant, and exhibited far less emotion than she expected. It wasn't until later on, when I could collect my thought's, that I could fully appreciate her gesture. I'm going to have let her know how touching her gesture was, the next time I talk to her.
With each successive meeting, I'm getting slowly more comfortable with these girls. They range from young too old, and are all very nice. I'm still not quite sure where I fit in. It appears that most of them are either post op, or actively pursing GRS. I am certainly transsexual. I've even been diagnosed as such, and wanted nothing more than than to fully transition when I was still young enough for my transition to be what I considered viable, but that was so long ago, and it was all for naught. Time and the ravages of testosterone, have taken their irreversible toll. I'm afraid that all I am left with is some ephemeral illusion. But ultimately gender identity is in between the ears and not between the legs, so should it make any difference? Not in my mind. The more I get to know these girls, the more I connect with them, regardless of what's between our legs.
Melissa XX
