Friday, October 9, 2009

To Hell With Being A Girl!

Right now, I would far rather be a frog! Nooooo........not the French kind, silly, the amphibious kind! Like this little guy above. Isn't he gorgeous? I deeply envy a certain ability he has, and would dearly love to have it myself, but alas, I can't have it as a girl. I have to become a frog to have it.

What I envy about my little green friend, is his amazing tongue! If I had a long springy sticky tongue like his, these damned zuzu flies, that have been tormenting me for over a week now, would soon be history! I could reach out, and snatch them right out of the air in mid flight! The little pests would never know what hit them! Just a quick zap!......then straight into an acid bath! It would serve them right, for walking on my toilet rim, then going for a swim in my Zinfandel!

This week, as some of you know, started out on a sad note for me, but day by day, it has gotten progressively better. As I stated in my last blog, I had another positive public encounter this week, that not only lifted my spirits, but gave me further confidence in my self as a woman. I also had several very sweet emails from a few of you dears. Thank all of you, ever so much! Then, to top it off, a very wonderful woman who also blogs here, did something very, very sweet for me! I'm not going to tell you what it is right now, but maybe next week I might show you. Thank you sweetie!

It was very warm today for mid-October, with temperatures soaring into the mid eighties. Indian summer.......a perfect chance to don my red sandals, short shorts and a sleeveless top, for what may be the last time of this year. I'm already missing summer, but even so, I'm still looking forward to the feel of crisp cool air on my ears and nose, and days spent snuggled up in corduroy, leather, fleece, and wool. Before long, there will be frost on the pumpkin, and with their chlorophyll spent for another year, the trees will be dropping their blazing red and orange leaves en mass.

Fall! Absolutely my favorite time of year! Always has been! It is so pretty! Much prettier even than spring, in my estimation. The beauty of spring is delicate and very sweet, but fall is a beautiful bold brazen hussy! Regal in her bearing, mature and very sexy! I just love watching fall strut her stuff! Is it any wonder, that every time I was ever seduced into love by a woman, it was in the fall? It's true! For some odd reason or other, I have always been particularly vulnerable to seduction in the fall of the year. It must be something in my psyche, that hearkens back to my old school days, when I would always be so enthralled, by all of the pretty confidant girls at the begining of the school year. Of course those beauties wouldn't give me the time of day, and my adoration always went unrequited, but I didn't care. I adored them, and was just thrilled just to be in the same classroom as them. I would have been absolutely heartbroken, if my mother had actually sent me to an all boys military school, like she often threatened to do. I remember shouting bravely back at her, "Go ahead! I want to go to military school!", but truly? It would have killed me to go off, and leave the girls behind. I loved them so much.....and still do! I always will. How can I not, when I'm one of them?

I was looking at myself in the mirror again this evening, and this wonderful sense of love enveloped me! I always used to hate myself, and I especially hated to see my image in the mirror. The poisonous alien androgens have taken their toll on this girls body over the years, and she is not not a very pretty sight, when she looks in the mirror upon wakening, but with the help of a razor, a Clinique "three step plan", some liquid face lift, a good concealer and foundation, and the most welcome godsend of all, a beautiful wig, she can indeed become a very pretty, pleasant looking creature. It is so much easier to love her when, she looks like that. And I do love her, very much so, but more importantly, although I still harbor a long seated resentment to him, for keeping her locked up so long, and probably always will, I do love him too, for finally coming to his senses, and freeing her from the chains and shackles of his ego.

Have a wonderful weekend, everybody!
Melissa XX


Lucy Melford said...

I felt for you when you told us about your twin sister, and how she might not make it to Christmas. My Mum died of cancer earlier this year. It was in her spine and her lymph system. She'd lived with cancer in one form or another since the 1970s - we had in another sense all lived with it, of course - and I admired her courage in coping with almost something that might easily be the death of her at any time for some 35 years. The end came rather quickly. Strange to think that this time last year she hadn't quite started the final relapse, and was still the Mum I'd always known. I hadn't even 'come out' to her yet. I wasn't going to while she lived, but events overtook me and I was outed to Dad, who then of course told Mum, and had to deal with the consequences. I still feel terrible for burdening her with that. There couldn't have been a worse moment. But there you are. Life seems to be full of words and actions you'd wish undone. Focusing back on Mum, she remained brave and peaceful to the very end. If she was ever frightened of dying, she never showed it. So it seems to be with your twin sister. I do hope she sees Christmas.

This has become grossly off-topic, and on a much lighter note I think you need to visit the Wizard on your local mountain and get him to make a spell on you that will turn you into any animal you wish by saying a magic word; or by making a magic gesture for when you are an animal that can't speak (anything in Disney films seems to speak English, so you should be fine as a Bambi, Dalmation, Dumbo or Aristocat). Then you can deal with all kinds of unwelcome attention when out and about as Melissa by simply turning yourself into a bird. Also, flying into town and back would save on gas. Quite a practical suggestion, really!

You are really coming on in self-appreciation and confidence! Fly into town right now, and get those ears pierced and treat yourself to a lovely evening gown and tiara. Or at least a new coat new boots and several scarves for when the snow starts. (I imagine that you have hot summers but very cold winters)

Once again I love your powers of description. I know what ripe swollen pumpkins can look like (Hallowe'en is approaching after all) and I'd like to see some photos of all these wonderful autumn colours! Get to it!

Jenny.J said...

Hello again,
I'm really pleased to be reading that you are emerging from your sad time, its just a part of getting older, we seem to be touched and surrounded by more and more sadness as we age, its a natural progression but not a pleasant one, I think we all have some friends or family with terrible illnesses.
We must keep going and forge ahead with our lives, and how you explained yourself about 'him' is exactly or very similar to how I felt, he's always going to be part of us and as even helped to mould us to the people we are today, so as the physical side of him somewhat gets to us, his and her mental side has guided us, and as with most women the female wins.

Jenny x

Anonymous said...

Melissa, I think we ALL can pretty much empathize with the conflict between the man we have to live with, and the woman we long to be.

Like you, I love Fall. As a teen, I never looked forward to going back to school, but, like you mentioned, I deeply enjoyed seeing the girls again. When I was in high school, the girls were not allowed to wear pants...they all wore dresses and skirts. Hundreds of girls...all doing their best not to wear the same thing someone else was wearing...the variety and beauty was intoxicating. How I wanted to be one of them. Instead, I was forced to wear drab, lifeless, guy clothes every day.

I've never enjoyed looking at myself in a mirror. I've never been "buff" even during my athletic years...God knows I tried to though. The lack of self-confidence is a common teenage malady, but in my case it was something made worse by having to look at the wrong person in the mirror all the time.

Oh well, in a few minutes I'm going to start my transformation as I prepare to put on that "happy face" and hit the town for the day as Suzi. Indeed I do understand that long seated, perhaps permanent resentment for the guy in the mirror. I love him too though,even if not with the same depth of feeling and appreciation. Come on "man boobs"

Calie said...

Your writing is just so beautiful, girl. And, I love your confidence. Truly a pleasure to read this post.

Calie xxx

Amy K. said...

The last paragraph did it for me. What you wrote is so beautiful, and you're right, so are you! :)

Anonymous said...

You are a beautiful woman both inside and out.
I have to admit I love Autumn and the change of colours so much also.