It was a tropical 80 ∘F today! A far cry from the frigid weather of only a month ago. It's been so nice to break out the warm weather togs; short skirts, sandals and capris! In anticipation of the spring bloom, my toenails are now a bright Fuchsia, and my fingernails are a beautiful mulberry! I can already feel my girl coming alive, after a horribly depressive hibernation.
My next support group meeting is on April 9. I have to leave at 6:00PM to get there on time. Now that we have switched to Daylight Savings Time, I will have to leave the house in broad daylight, in full view of my neighbors, to make it on time. The leaves will still not be on the trees, affording me no privacy whatsoever, so any suspicions my neighbors may have of me, will surely be confirmed if they see me exiting my back door and getting into my truck. As Clarke Gable once said........."Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" :-D
I received an unusually timed cell phone call from my mother tonight. She was absolutely hysterical, and I couldn't understand a word she was saying, so I asked her to hang up and wait for me to call her back on my land line. After getting back to her, I learned that her sister, who lives 7 hours away up in northeastern Pennsylvania, is in a bad way, and she wanted me to drive her up there. I said, "Mom, if she dies, I will be happy to drive you up there, but if we go up there now, we could wind up staying up there for weeks, waiting for her to die. I don't want to do that." Faced with that reality, she suddenly realized that she could just as easily get up there on the train. Mom has always been completely emotionally driven, and has never taken logic, or rationality into consideration until it has been explained to her. I hate it, but I'm afraid I have taken the place of my very rational father in her life. Since dad has died, she has increasingly looked to me to be his substitute. I know this sounds weird, but all of my life we always kissed each other on the cheek, but when dad died, she started kissing me on the mouth. In boy mode I look a lot like my dad, and I just hate the thought that she has substituted me for my deceased father, especially after the way she consistently abused and berated me as a child.
I hope this all doesn't sound too depressing. I don't hate my mother, not for a second, but I can't deny our history, and all of our interactions have to be run through that filter.
I have just been listening to a really great classical soul tune. Want to hear it? Just click on the arrow to play.