Sunday, July 4, 2010

Spontanious Fits Of Sobbing.

Am I the only one who has them? You know, those little fits that come out of the blue, leaving you wiping tears from your eyes? A transcendent thought, a line from a song, a scene from a movie, etc., that rocks your emotions? Is this unique only to natal and trans women, or do "normal" males succumb to these unbidden emotions as well? In public I control them pretty well, but in private the flood gates often open up, and I find myself venting the emotions, until they have been thoroughly purged. Sometimes it's just a few seconds, and that's OK, but other times it's long minutes, and I sit there sobbing, and feeling so completely alone.

Now calm down, dear ones. I'm not losing it, nor am I grasping for straws of sympathy, so please don't fret over this post. I'm just trying to be open and honest about my innermost feelings. We all have them, don't we? Here are two different musical views on the subject. Which is your favorite?

Melissa XX


Leslie Ann said...

Oh, yes, I am overcome with these weepy moments all the time. I chalk it up to dysphoria, and reminders that I am not all that I want to be. It seldom turns into true sobbing, and at times I wish it would. Catharsis is good for the soul.

Thanks for the Pretenders. Love that song. Much better than the Kinks original, even while being quite faithful to it.

Rachel said...

I was watching Pride and Prejudice last night and I always burst into tears at the end when Kiera Knightly meets Mathew McFadden in the misty morning fields at the end of the film. It was the fourth time I'd seen it and I've cried every time. Last week I watched Persuasion and did much the same as Sally Hawkins runs through the streets of Bath and into the arms of Rupert Penry-Jones. Jane Austen seems to have this effect on me. It's when it seems impossible for them to love each other but the they realise that they were meant for each other all along.

I also get touched by situations where people have brilliant ideas that nobody takes much interest but then it turns out they were ahead of their time and prove to be important. I often burst into tears during science documentaries! I watched on about Alan Turing the other day and was blubbing all the way through it.

I love this and for me it is an important part of watching these films and programs. It's when I creeps in to my life of work that it becomes more of a problem. At the lower parts of my depressive cycle I would be in meetings and realise I had forgotten to do something or got something wrong and really had to fight hard to keep it inside me. Sometimes I failed which is very embarrassing. The anti-depressants I have been taking seemed to have alleviated this by flattening out my mood. Happily they haven't effected my enjoyment of weepy films though.

chrissie said...

Nope, you're not alone there, Melissa. I get them too.

estrogen is a funny thing.. :-)


Lucy said...

hi Melissa
Wish I cud come over and give you a hug
yes I do have those fits of sobbing and I believe our emotions makes us very strong.

For some trans people it can be a whole process of breaking down social conditioning since childhood and especially if it conflicts between your outer gender to inner turmoil.

hope you feel better

my songs i listen to in these moments are

blackeyed by placebo
whats up by 4 non blondes
pretty baby by blondie
zombie by the cranberries
was born a girl by manic street preachers

love and hugz
lucy & smudge

Veronica said...

Ohhh, Chrissie! She was SO HOT. And so cool. I was totally enamoured of her when that album came out. And James Honeyman-Scott. Him and Pete Farndon, such a loss.

I've had crying jags all my life, even when well dosed with testosterone. I'm just a sensitive person, I guess. Movies, plays, books, all kinds of triggers. So it's not just estrogen.


Anonymous said...

Snap, me to.
I am sending you some virtual hugs for when you need them.
Hug Hug Hug Hug

Two Auntees said...

Ummmm, I think everyone does this. I am a natal woman but I think men do it too. Our culture teaches men not to cry but I am sure they do. They just don't let anyone see if at all possible. There are things that touch us deeply and bring tears.

A friend once described grief as a tide that washes ashore. Sometimes there is a wave that just over takes times unexpectedly. I find that to be true. There are those who I love who are no longer with me. We are taught that we grieve and get over it but that is not true. It is more like like a tide. You may get further and further away but there are times when tide laps at our feet or even a big wave may catch us unaware.

Two Auntees said...

I get those crying and sobbing spells when I hear lyrics that touch me and as I am trying to talk, I can't and have to wait for the tears and emotions to pass before I can continue with whatever I was going to say.

Naukishtae said...

Melissa.. I am only an old two-spirit witch.. but I cry frequently.. I have all of Jane Austins books, and audio CD's, and Pride and Predjudice with Collin Firth, my favorite.. I read lesbian romance, and mystry novels to keep me sain.. but the tears still come.. I totally broke down at the front desk of the emergency room I work in once and had to go home.. tears.. they just come, and I can not stop them.. Be Blessed Dear Sister

Naukishtae XX

Calie said...

Well, not on the 'mones, but the tears seem to come far too often...