Friday, May 7, 2010

My House Is Crawling With Wolf Spiders.............

........and I'm quite concerned. I found another large one in the bathtub, when I returned home from my monthly transgender support group meeting tonight. The hideous thing didn't even try to run away, when he saw me peering down at him. The fool! I can just imagine what he was thinking, "Oh look at her! I'm sooo scared!" Wolf spiders can be quite sarcastic, you know. The night before last, one must have thought I was Little Miss Muffet, although I don't know why. I don't own a suitable tuffet, and I didn't have any curds and whey. I was siting in a wooden framed arm chair instead, just watching television, when suddenly the arachnid decided to descend from the ceiling on a thread of silk, about six inches to the right of my face! I caught the descending dark blur in the peripheral vision of my right eye, and instinctively swung my head around to see what it was. Now the spider was about two inches in front of my nose, and I don't mind telling you, that gave me quite a turn! What followed, was like a scene straight out of an old James Bond movie. I leaped out of my chair, and at that point I don't know who was more freaked out, me or the tarantula. It quickly dropped to the carpet, And I quickly grabbed my shoe. BAM! BAM! BAM!......BAM!........BAM!......BAM! BAM!

The things must be mostly liquid, because for all their freakishly large corporeal appearance, once you give them a sound thrashing, there is hardly anything left to recognize. Oh! By the way, the sarcastic one in the tub..........suffered a similar end.

The meeting went well tonight. I know I talked about teaching the girls to eat healthy, and taking a salad to our pot luck supper this time, but the day I planned to go to the store to get the fixings, all of the news shows were broadcasting the recall of packaged lettuce, because of possible bacterial contamination. Now the last thing I wanted to do, was make all of my trans sisters and brothers ill, so I cooked a ravioli casserole and a large can of mixed greens instead. My Blogger girlfriend Sophie, also brought some fresh veggies, and another girl brought a cucumber salad, so I must not have been the only one who thought we needed a bit of roughage.

We started the evening out with a conference call with our President, who was up in Pennsylvania recovering from her gender confirmation surgery. After a bit on the vice president's cellphone with the speaker on, the phone was passed around the room, so we could all talk to her personally. She only had her surgery on Monday the 3rd, so I couldn't believe that she was already discharged from the hospital, and in the nearby post-op halfway house hotel.

The topic of discussion tonight was coming out, and the impact on, and reaction of family and friends. After the pot luck supper, we all assembled our chairs in a circle, and everyone got to tell their story, and some were quite compelling. What surprised me the most, was the degree of acceptance that most people got from family, coworkers and acquaintances. Maybe the passage of time, and the good shows about being transgendered, i.e., the ones on The Discovery Channel and other similar networks that take the subject seriously, as opposed to the Jerry Springer type freak shows, have had an impact since the days that I cowered in fear of my coworkers ever finding out about me. I only wish that I could have been born thirty years later. Fortunately for me, my beautiful sister and my lovely niece were very cool about it when I told them! Tonight I also got a very sweet hug from one of the girls in the group, when she heard my story, about being hauled off to Walter Reed Army hospital by my mother, for questioning by the Army shrinks, after my teenage cross dressing was discovered back in the sixties. Very succinctly, she related it to being examined by aliens. Another emotional connection with a kindred spirit!

We were privileged to have two new members join us at tonight's meeting. One male to female, and one female to male. We are predominantly a male to female group, but we do have a few female to male members. I would love to see more female to males. The ones we have are very young. I'm so glad they felt comfortable enough to join us.

There is an infernal mosquito buzzing about the room just now, and I know she wants to make a cocktail of my blood. I have no intention of giving in to her..........what, with West Nile Virus and all that. I told her no! Not without a condom for her proboscis. She said, "But that wouldn't be fair! We couldn't exchange bodily fluids!" "Fair for you, or for me", I said. She buzzed off in a snit, then made several very close contemptible passes, and I tried to dispatch her by clapping her between my hands, but she is so quick!

Ah ha! I just got her! Nothing but a speck on the inside of my knuckle now! There are loads of mosquitoes around here this spring. I think it's because of all the moisture left by the big snows we had over the winter, and the sustained warm temperatures this spring. I keep the windows closed but they follow me inside when I, come in.

I just started watching the 3rd season of Mad Men on DVD, while riding my stationary bike. If you haven't seen this television series about ad men and their wives in an advertising firm on NYC's Madison Avenue in the early 1960's, then you don't know what you are missing. It is TV at it's best!

As I write tonight, I am being serenaded by, The Very Best Of Diana Krall. I posted her video of Cry Me A River, in a previous post. If you missed it, thumb back a few pages and listen to her. If you like old mellow jazz standards, you will love her.

Melissa XX


Stace said...

Ok the spider on my face would freak me out...

When we get one in the house we normally set the cat on them. He loves playing with his 8 legged frends :)


Melissa said...

@ Stace

Cats are fearless. My cat has been dead for a number of years now, but his fearlessness used to amaze me. He use to follow me when I would walk down through the woods to the pond. One day we were down there, and I heard something coming our way in a nearby thicket. I looked down through what appeared to be a small animal foot path, and came face to face with a fox. The fox stood their staring at me for a moment, then turned tail and ran, with my cat scampering after him!
A few minutes later the cat reappeared unscathed, and followed me some more, until we came upon a beaver hole on the bank of the pond. Before I could stop him, the cat was all the way down in the hole!

Melissa XX

Sophie said...

I suppose this is better than having woof spiders. I had those around one time, the incessant barking drove me nuts.

Listening to everyone's stories last night made me very grateful once again that I have had so little drama, both in my growing up and in my transition.

Anonymous said...

small spiders freak me out so goodness knows what state I would be in with large ones.
The only person who is not frightened to death of spiders in our house is my 6 year old daughter.
Its rather funny but we can all be running around terified to go in a room, when we have to call for her to clear the spider.
She just walks up picks it up in her hand, takes it outside and thats it.
I am glad we have her though!

The Wandering Star said...

That picture of the spider at the beginning of this post was horrific! Why so many eyes??! Yuck.

Melissa said...

@ Sophie

Oh, believe me sweetie, I've had those too! Neighbors on all sides have had dogs, and God love them, but they all barked incessantly! I have two adorable mutts directly next door to my west, that bark their fool heads off, every time I open up my shed door, which is just off the property line. Those neighbors used to have just one dog, and she wouldn't bark, she would just howl as long as they were willing to put up with it, which unfortunately for me, was most of the night! That's when I started running a fan in my bedroom in the winter, to drown out the sounds!

Melissa XX

Melissa said...

@ The Wandering Star

Re:Why so many eyes??! Yuck.

Answer: The better to see you with, my dear! ;-)

Thanks for following my blog, sweetie!

Melissa XX

Jenny said...

Mrs. J's not big on spiders. She does the girly running away thing and I do the bloke catch it and evict it thing. Which for some reason I find very funny.

Lucy Melford said...

Sarcastic spiders? Isn't being a bit alien-like enough for them? They'll be using litotes and bathos next.

Well, you were very brave to nonchalantly brush one off like Sean Connery did in the Dr No film way back. I'm pretty good with spiders, up to a point. We don't get any horrors in the UK, but some house spiders are quite large though docile enough for your to pick them up and gently toss them outside. I used to do that with my bare hands, but nowadays I use a tissue just in case they feel inclined to bite. Either way, they don't bother me too much. I say to myself, 'They're just little animals, and they deserve to live for what they do to nasty flies and suchlike. They're basically good guys.' Even so, I wouldn't care to have one decend onto my face when in bed at night! That really WOULD be too much to bear!


VĂ©ronique said...

Must be spring, given all your close encounters with arachnids and insects! Even time I think about moving to a warmer climate, I remember "Yeah, but the bugs get bigger."

Calie said...

Funny post!

Ewwww on the spiders. I let my wife squish them.