Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rocky and Bullwinkle

They were once the best of pals, but Rocky had a secret. Turns out he was a transspecies. Unhappy with his life as a rodent, Rocky went into therapy, and later sought medical help to become the human he always felt he was inside. It was an amazing success story! After years of torturous electrolysis, and massive doses of anabolic steroids, Rocky not only achieved his life long dream of becoming a human, but went on to become Heavyweight Champion of the World! He is now living in stealth, with his wife Adrian in Philadelphia. She knows nothing of his past life, as a cartoon squirrel.

Sadly, when Rocky became human, he could no longer relate to his old pal Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle always wanted to become human too, but there was that little problem with his antlers. They would always grow back, making it impossible for him the pass as a human. Rocky wanted nothing more to do with him, for fear that camaraderie with a lowly cartoon moose, would remind people of his past, and cast a pall over his marriage to Adrian. He was also afraid that once the news got out that he used to be a super flying squirrel, his boxing opponents would cry foul, and petition the boxing commission to strip him of his title.

At last notice, Bullwinkle was still in mourning over the loss of his old pal, and was seeking solace in friendship with Boris and Natasha, who had emigrated to the west after the fall of the Soviet Union. Although mere cartoon humans, Boris and Natasha turned out to be great fiends. Even though Bullwinkle found it impossible to permanently shed his antlers, they still accepted him as a human being, and a dear friend.

Rocky, before the change:

Melissa *wink*


Amy K. said...

I can't believe you just outed Rocky. Twenty slaps with a wet noodle!


Elly said...

I work for Mr. Big and Fearless Leader (our boss's nicknames). Loved the show and am trying to find their video.

Hugs, Elly

Caroline said...

Imagine needing a belt like that to hold in the flab, how embarrassing.

Caroline xxx

Veronica said...

One of the best (and most subversive) cartoons ever!

Dru Marland said...

It's to hold his nuts in, Caroline. You know how it is with former squirrels.

Nice job, Melissa!

Melissa said...

@ Amy

Eww! Those noodles feel horribly slimy!

Please stop!

I promise I'll never out another cartoon character ever again!

Melissa ;-)

Melissa said...

@ Elly,

You worked for Fearless Leader too? You poor thing! So did I! His tentacles must have reached far and wide!

Melissa XX

Melissa said...

@ Caroline,

We have to give Rocky some credit for fashion sense, after all he is wearing lovely satin pants, and a gilded belt!

Melissa XX

Melissa said...

@ Veronica

Re:One of the best (and most subversive) cartoons ever!

Definitely! Even my dad, who ironically worked for US Army Intelligence, use to love watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. He thought it was great. I still think it was probably the most intelligent cartoon show of my childhood! I loved it, and got into it at about the same time that I started reading Mad Magazine.

Melissa XX

Melissa said...

@ Dru


Thank you, Dru!
Melissa XX

Dani said...

LOL! Was Rocky finally able to change his species marker on his flying license?!? The last rumor that I heard was that Rocky was having trouble getting an ammended birth certificate from Frostbite Falls!

I always loved the show, I grew up watching it, probably in reruns by then, in the 70's.

Thanks for a good laugh to start the day!

Dani xxx

Anonymous said...

Sad, sad, sad:


R.I.P. Alex Anderson, without whom this blog and my life would be much poorer.