Friday, October 1, 2010

I Think, Therefore I Am!

Can it be said any more plainly? And when I say that I am a woman, that is what I am, period! I am not what you would like to think I am, or what you would want me to be. I am me, a creature of my own imagination. Those who are emotionally mature enough and have respect for my autonomy as an individual, and my inherent right to be the person that I believe myself to be, will put aside their personal prejudices, and accept me for who and what I say I am, their conventions be damned! And those who refuse to? Well.......quite simply.......screw them! Who needs them?

I'm so sorry if I seem a little bit angry in this post. You all know what a gentle nature I normally have, but I'm getting more than a little sick and tired of a self-righteous, and self-imposed cis and transsexual hierarchy, dictating who is, and who is not a legitimate woman, or transsexual! As if anyone who does not conform to their personal idea of womanhood, is just a transvestite; a sad little man in a dress!

Obviously we can all benefit from observation of other women, and surely all of us who are TS have spent our entire lives doing just that, but as Renee so succinctly put it in a recent reply on T-Central, "there is no one way to do woman". What constitutes a woman, is so very subjective!

I grew up in a family with three women, my mother, my twin, and my older sister. While my twin had tastes and attitudes about femininity and womanhood that echoed my mother's, my older sister must have been a changeling, because her attitude and personal tastes, couldn't have been more different. My tastes and attitudes are nothing like my mother's either. With all due respect to my mother and my twin, I found their vision of what constitutes a female to be quite childish, but then they were both spoiled little girls as children, and I think that stunted their growth, and forever colored their attitude about womanhood. Well....that was their life, and I suppose that was OK for them, but it's not for me. I'm different.

As Popeye says. "I yam what I yam!"
Don't like it? Then leave me alone, and keep your opinions to yourself. It's hard enough to deal with realizing that you were dealt one of the crummier hands that life can give you, without having to endure the denigrating assaults of self-righteous sisters.

Here is the bottom line. I am who I want to be. I don't care if that is not your idea of what a woman should be. I graciously accept you for who you say you are, please give me the same courtesy!

Well that's my rant, and it's over now! On to much more important things!

We here in Central Virginia have been faced with a summer's long drought. The reservoirs are at their lowest point in years, and the abundant rain over the last few days, will help, but it's not been nearly enough to make up for the deficit. So, in the interest of water conservation, a humorous quote I once heard my older sister refer to comes to mind. When considering flushing three gallons of fresh water down the toilet, think of this line: "If it's yellow, let it mellow! If it's brown, flush it down!" Sounds good to me, unless you have guests coming for dinner, in which case you better flush the yellow stuff too!

I can't believe it! I looked up at the outside temperature reading in the upper right hand margin of my I-Mac, and it said 48°F at midnight! Do you have any idea how long it's been since we have experienced temperatures in the 40's? It seems like forever! I walked out onto the deck, just to make sure it was true, and it was! The cool air kissed my bare skin, and the stars above shown through the clear night sky so beautifully! I just loved it! I'm so glad that cooler weather is on it's way!

Thinking of all of you,
Melissa XOXO

P.S.Thank You Dad for taking me along with you when I was in high school, for long weekend drives around Germany, while listening to classical music on AFN! (Armed Forces Network). Of course you now know what a profound effect those drives had on me! I'll never forget them!

Oh! And in case you were wondering, tonight's post was composed while listening to Gustav Mahler's Symphny No 1, and No 2! You don't deserve anything less!


Halle said...

While the way we feel is beyond any debate, the way others react to us is essentially what makes the difference in how we can conduct ourselves in public. It is what makes us decide to stay 'in the closet' or not.

Perhaps what we have here is revelation of some of that. To what extent are we not accepted because we threaten the established woman's 'club' and the established males' sense of self?

I continue to wonder why it matters so much how I dress and conduct myself.

Gin said...

Halle, the reason why it is important to dress and act the role is a question I always wrangle with. I mean, isn't it enough to take hormones that right the balance and have an acceptance of who we are on the inside? Why must I grow my hair out or wear clothing that matches my self conception? What does it really matter? Women wear jeans and a t-shirt, too.

I think it comes down to the reality that it is not enough for us to have inner peace of that is not extended to some kind of outer affirmation of who we know ourselves to be. Melissa is correct. We are women because we say we are. We know and people who have not gone through what we are going through can never ever understand for even a moment what it is that we go through. It doesn't make any sense to them and we have no good words to explain the certainty we have about ourselves, so they may be sympathetic, but will still not have a true understanding of us. I think that is why we are drawn to each other. It is nice to find other people who really know what this is all about.

So back to the dressing question... I know for me it is the rightness of wearing clothes that express my being. When I wear my male costume, it feels like a mask, like I'm hiding. When I wear my clothes, they feel like my clothes and I am just myself as myself.

Veronica said...

I'm not going to rise to the bait. :) This is your blog, where you get to express your own feelings. I would never dispute how someone feels about themselves. We can only ever truly understand our own feelings.

At the same time, I have my own opinions, which I give voice to just as you do -- as is both our right. I know I have my share of prejudices, but I do try to base my opinions on more than those -- or stay quiet.

Sophie said...

lol, Ditto. I am not going to touch all that with a ten foot pole!

Is there something in particular we owe this particular rant to? Did y'all have a bad meeting last night?

Lori D said...

Hi Melissa,
It sure is good to see you on fire! LOL! Definitely made me glad I stopped by :)

As for the subjectivity of being female or feminine, you're right that there is and perhaps will always be some sort of elitism by both cis and trans women over who qualifies to BE a woman. I've resolved to separate myself from those people who do not value my right to be who I am. Back in the days when I first began transition, I quickly saw the different cliques in trans circles and was deeply saddened that when I needed acceptance and unity, I couldn't get that...from those who were supposed to embrace and accept me!

Bottom line is, there will always be those arseholes who think I or my friends look like "men in dresses," but in my book they've proven their insignificance to me with their intolerant attitudes. I've surrounded myself with friends who lift my spirits, give me hope, and encourage me with their words of kindness and love. It's worked for me!

Keep bloggin' sister!
P.S. The word verification is "TRIESS." Is that just too strange or what? LOL

Melissa said...

@ Vronica

I would never ever bait you! I absolutely adore you! I know that you and I come from different perspectives, but unlike certain others, you have never been arrogant, or patronizing in your responses to my posts. Even when you disagree with me, you show a graciousness that is completely absent from certain antagonists. How can I not respect you?

Thank you for following my blog and for always being being true to yourself!

Melissa XX

Melissa said...


Thanks, sweetie! Check your email.

Melissa XX

Renee said...

Wow, I missed this when it was first published. How unfortunate!

Hard to believe that you and I have come to a place of quintessential agreement. Not only do we agree, I got quoted in your blog. Yay! :-)

I'm going to be honest here, I think the reason people disagree with you - and me - is purely out of defensiveness. Something about these assertions challenges their understanding of their own gender, or flies in the face of how they did things in their own lives, and thus they have to defend their positions and choices lest they be proved wrong. If there's some other reason, I'm yet to be convinced...and it'll take a lot to convince me that anyone can speak more knowingly about someone else's experience than that person can, or that the relentless pursuit of dis-inclusion and trampling upon of peoples' feelings is a good idea.

Much love,